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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Opinions please - bit long, but need some reasurance that I'm not over-reacting

47 replies

Joash · 16/11/2007 17:23

Three weeks ago, I had a 'surprise' visit from the most annoying woman in the world (for those who remember the thread - My stalker - the one with the hubby with the dodgy PhD) anyway, I have long suspect that her daughter is a bully and have had comments from other mums who have seen the girl (and even witnessed her mother) bullying other kids). Yet, as we were all in the house, I made the mistake of allowing her and GS to play in the other room. Within 5 mins, I could hear strange noises, so went to investigate. GS was blue and couldn't breath. Managed to get him to calm down and get his breathing under control. He said that the girl had jumped on him. I asked her what had happened and she sneered "I wanted to sit next to him and he wouldn't sit still, so I stood on the footstool and jumped on his chest to stop him moving - that'll make him do what I say".
GS went to the hospital and it turns oout that she had bruised his ribs, but luckily not broken them. They explained how painful this was (apparently not much difference between bruising and breaking in terms of pain).
I told the girls mother and she made two snappy comments "Oh I've had that he'll be okay in a week" followed a day later by "I've told her (daughter) that she can't do that to GS again and to not jump so hard on children who are a bit smaller than her".
A week ago, GS said that the mother had told him that he could go to their house for tea next saturday. I didnt take much notice until she rang yesterday and said to DH that her daughter was looking forward to GS going to their house and she was planning what they were going to do. TO which my DH replied (remarkably tactful considering how angry we both are) that he wasnt happy about GS going to their house considering what had happened. He explained that it wasn't so much that GS had got hurt, it was more to do with the fact that her daughter admitted to doing it deliberatly and very calculated and that the mother not only thought that it didnt even warrant an apology, but that she had virtually given her daughter licence to do the same thing to other children. But that if GS still wanted to see her daughter, he was quite happy to let her come to play here as long as they were supervised.
She started texting me, asking if I was going to let my DH tell me what to do. To which I explained that I fully agree with what he had said to her and that I also thought it was irresponsible to make arrangements with a four year old and not with his parents/carers anyway.
She's still bloody texting me, apparently she's been to the house today, whilst I was out and accused DS of lying when he told her I was out.

Is it just us that feels this way or are we over-reacting to what she claims was just kids playing?

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/11/2007 17:27

I would be unhappy with my kids going to this woman's house, too. And she sounds quite mad, tbh. I'd be polite, but 'busy' a lot.

Joash · 16/11/2007 17:28

This is her ... and yes, I managed to cut out her stalker tendencies or so I thought, until I went away to scotland for 10 days and she trid to contact me every bloody day. www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=394902#8036249

OP posts:
RubySlippers · 16/11/2007 17:28

you aren't over-reacting

i haven't read your other thread but on this alone i would be steering well clear

there is a huge difference between horse play and a deliberate act like the one you describe

sounds like your DS was lucky to not be more seriously injured, and the fact the other mum was not bothered is just plain ridiculous

Joash · 16/11/2007 17:32

I can't beleive that I was doubting our decision. I was honestly starting to wonder if I was just over-reacting. She keeps insisting that they're only children and someone is bound to get hurt sometimes. I've calmly explained that YES I do fully understand that - but to me, that isn't the issue, its the fact that she doent's seem to think there's a problem with her daughters behaviour or her own - aarrggghhh!!!

OP posts:
bruhaha · 16/11/2007 17:32

i don't think you're overreacting - if it was me i wouldn't let her or her daughter anywhere near my child, expecially after what she did - it could have been a lot lot worse than bruised ribs.

i think this woman must be a bit of a fruit loop and her daughter a menace to jump on a childs chest because she couldn't get her way. I don't think this is a situation where you can give her another chance to hurt your GS - too risky.

Lulumama · 16/11/2007 17:33

if she has stalkerish tendencies, i would not engage with her, answer any calls, or texts or reciprocate any contact, even if it is to tell her she is not welcome.

i am so sorry your GS got hurt.. and the fact the mother thinks as long as you don;t jump so ahrd, jumping on small children is ok...

i would steer clear , and not allow any contact in any ones house

hardhat · 16/11/2007 17:34

YANBU. She is obviously complete nutter and, sadly, her daughter following same path. She is deliberately manipulating situation by asking your GS behind your back - has probably promised him some huge treat if he comes.

Don't feel you have to be polite next time - unfortunately, some people really don't understand brush offs and it has to be made very clear that you don't want to see her or her vicious brat.

Elizabetth · 16/11/2007 17:36

She sounds disturbed - and if as you say on the other thread her husband singled her out when she was 12 and he was in his 30s that's probably why. It's very sad.

I'd stay as far away from her as possible if I was you and keep your family away from her too.

onebatmother · 16/11/2007 17:45

Blimey, I really would consider asking the police to have as gentle a word as possible, having read the other thread. she (and really sadly) her daughter both sound properly scary.
And agree with Eliz (and clearly you) that 12/30, even just as first meeting, is and

onebatmother · 16/11/2007 17:45

and poor poor GS btw. Really scary. Hope all okay now?

Joash · 16/11/2007 17:52

Yes thank you - he's fine now. I didnt bother with the police as things appeared to calm down for a while - until I went away. Ignored her texts fr the past two hours and know for a fact that she will turn up at aqua aerobics tonight

OP posts:
TINSELTOESmumofDJ · 16/11/2007 17:56

i gasped when i read your post Joash and my hand even covered my mouth in pure horror at what happened to your little one

edam · 16/11/2007 17:59

Blimey, having read your other thread too, can see this woman is very scary. Agree with lulu, don't feed the stalker - ignore ALL contact and refuse to be drawn in.

Could you tell the bday venue that if she turns up you don't want her to be admitted to the party? Explain she tricked her way into seeing the booking. And is there anyone who you could persuade into being a bouncer for the occasion?

denbury · 16/11/2007 18:00

hope your litle ones ribs are getting better. i can't believe they didn't even say sorry. in a way i feel sorry for her child as isn't told what is right and wrong. i always make sure b&j say sorry. good luck

NAB3littlemonkeys · 16/11/2007 18:01

I think this needs reporting! My God, what do people think when they are allowing their kids to do this sort of thing. No way, ever, would my child see this one again.

NotQuiteCockney · 16/11/2007 18:02

As you say, it's not so much what happened initially (although that sounds pretty horrific), it's the girl's attitude to it, and her mother's attitude to it.

Joash · 16/11/2007 18:05

I would have no problem if it was an accident...accidents and kids are inevitable. It's her overall reaction and that fact that the daughter actually thought about it and why she was going to do it, before she did it - IYSWIM.

OP posts:
Joash · 16/11/2007 18:05

Cross posts there NQC

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/11/2007 18:08

Rather consistent cross-posts too!

The fact her daughter thought about it, was happy to explain her reasons for it, and her mother wasn't horrified by this, bothers me rather a lot.

Joash · 16/11/2007 18:08

Me too!!

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 16/11/2007 18:10

She must be quite convincing, in her mad stalkerish way, to have you doubting yourself on this one.

I'd really do a lot of avoiding. I don't think being direct would work, but lots of tightlipped smiles and randomly being busy, wandering off, etc etc, might get you out of this.

liquidclocks · 16/11/2007 18:15

You're definitely not over reacting. I remeber two incidents from my school days ( not that long ago!) when that WWF (wrestling was popular. On two occasions when kids were copying their moves jumping on eachother a child sustained spinal cord injuries and I think one had head injuries.

As others have said, accidents are one thing, deliberate violence another - but for it to be practically condoned by the parent? - steer clear IMO.

Joash · 16/11/2007 18:15

That's exactly the stage I'm at now. I have actually done the direct, very blunt and even extremely nasty approach and it goes straight over the top of her head.
I fall for her bloody crap every time. For example, she will send a message asking how GS is feeling or whatever, if I dont respond, she turns up on the doorstep under the pretext of being 'concerned' because I haven't replied. If I do respond - thats her way in again, she then never stops texting and a few times I've answered the door to find her stood there grinning like a bloody idiot and saying, I thought I'd call round seeing as though were having a conversation - cheaper than texting - aarrggghhh

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 16/11/2007 18:18

Change your number and be very selective about who you give it too.

I feel this child needs help for the fact she can act in such a way.

NotQuiteCockney · 16/11/2007 18:19

I would go for a breezy/spacy (whichever you can pull off better), 'oh, I've been busy, sorry'. And then a kitchen/telephone/GS/DH emergency that means you Must Go Now.