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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbours loud sex

65 replies

Herewegoagain22 · 17/05/2021 09:17

I live in a terrace house, my neighbour to one side is lovely and so quiet. The one to the opposite side is usually the same. But he's a single guy who has just gotten himself a girlfriend and they are at it for hours!!

I didn't realise just how thin the walls were until this all started. At the moment it's every Sunday from 7pm-11pm (I know it's quite a marathon). And usually during the night/early morning on Monday .My friends and I are convinced he's on viagra. Now I have no qualms with hearing it occasionally as it's just life, but it's the fact it is continuous for hours at a time, I can hear them from my living-room and my bedroom and it's just becoming irritating now. My house is my sanctuary and I'm feeling uncomfortable in my own house. They usually also wake me up around 3am or 6am too and I have work to get up for.

I retaliated this morning (wrongly I know but I was exhausted) by playing Avici - wake me up loudly in my spare room whilst getting read as adjacent to his next door. I'm going to text him to ask that he's just a little bit more considerate but is that being unreasonable? How do you even go about wording something like that? I don't even particular think he will care, he has openly admitted he is sex daft

OP posts:
HarrisMcCoo · 17/05/2021 11:41

Yes, like others, they were making noise around 1-3 am. Ridiculous. Most folk have work to get up for! And it wasn't just at weekends btw, this was any day of the week.

newnortherner111 · 17/05/2021 11:44

On previous such threads the most common suggestions are fake noises and applause.

HarrisMcCoo · 17/05/2021 11:47

Applause just encourages and eggs them on even more! Tried all this to begin with 🤷🏻

Palavah · 17/05/2021 11:49

You wouldn't make fake noise and applause if there was a crying baby or piane practice, would you? And presumably any noise you make will disturb neighbours on the other side?
Don't be a nob about it.

Original poster
Herewegoagain22 · 17/05/2021 11:54

Whilst I appreciate all the funny suggestions and people making light of it, it's not really helping the situation. I would like to turn my tv up loud or play loud music to drown them out, but it isn't fair on my neighbour to the other side of me. She's older and retired and is a great neighbour. It wouldn't be fair of me to disturb her peace because of next door.

I also don't want to be 'one of those neighbours' who complains all the time. Hearing it is is fine, if it lasts for an average amount of time, but it doesn't. These are marathons that go on for hours, multiple times a night. At the moment thankfully it's just the weekends. I love my house but it's starting to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home having to listen to that for hours on end is irritating

OP posts:
HarebrightCedarmoon · 17/05/2021 12:02

I don't think I'd be able to help myself shouting back words of encouragement to the selfish idiots. They are being anti-social and may well be making more noise on purpose.

In the short term I recommend noise-cancelling headphones.

memberofthewedding · 17/05/2021 12:04

Im not making light of your situation OP. As I mentioned in my posting my neighbours were actually breaking the law back in the 1960s and I didnt want them to get into trouble. After I had been around to explain the situation they were a lot quieter because they genuinely had not realised how poor the soundproofing was. Your neighbour may be in the same position.

I would tell him what you have said here - that you are starting to feel like an unwilling voyeur in their sex life and its making you uncomfortable in your own home. You dont want to take it any further.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 17/05/2021 12:07

@Palavah

You wouldn't make fake noise and applause if there was a crying baby or piane practice, would you? And presumably any noise you make will disturb neighbours on the other side? Don't be a nob about it.
Hardly the same though is it? Piano practice would not usually be in the early hours of the morning, and baby noise can't be helped. No need to make noise to anti-social levels during sex, at all.
Sparkles556 · 17/05/2021 12:11

My neighbours are the same. They never seem to do it during the day, it’s always anything from 2-3 in the morning as they wake me up each time. I have a 4 year old and an 11 week old baby which they know, so it could wake them too. The disrespect winds me up so much. The noise they make is ridiculous. The headboard is banging that loud and fast against our bedroom wall I’m sure it’s going to come through at some point. And the noises she makes are so over the top. On a couple of occasions they’ve done it during the day which I can hear when I’m in the living room. Don’t ask me how as there is 2 walls in between. That’s how loud they are. I know where you’re coming from when you say it makes you feel uncomfortable. Anyone with half a brain cell would know that we can hear. I feel for you as I know what it’s like.

Cocolapew · 17/05/2021 12:13

If it's the headboard tell him its banging and annoying you, might make him realise you can hear other noises.
Years ago my upstairs neighbour complained about my headboard, I just stuck a pillow behind it.

letsmakethishappen · 17/05/2021 12:14

Just bang on the walls they will hear you and acknowledge. I used to be this noisy in my 20s but I didn’t realise until people neighbours did this 🤣. Which I thought was rude at the time.

MBM18 · 17/05/2021 12:20

Does the neighbour in question live in a terraced house too, or end of terrace? Could you put an anonymous note through his door and then it could've come from either neighbour (if he's terraced too)?

Although tbf, if you approached this direct with him wouldn't most people be mortified and make an effort to keep the noise down? I would 😳

EvilPea · 17/05/2021 12:25

Didn’t the old mumsnet advice used to be change your wifi name to something like “pipe down number x we don’t need to hear you’ve finally got a girlfriend”

jumpingjack5555 · 17/05/2021 12:26

How old do you think the guy is, sorry just being nosy. How can he last for four hours at a time? That's a very long time and unacceptable to be hearing it for that amount of time.

Original poster
Herewegoagain22 · 17/05/2021 12:32

He is mid terrace too, but the way our houses are laid out, his other next door neighbours probably won't hear too much as his bedroom and livingroom are directly adjacent to mine. I know him enough to comment on it, but as he works shifts, we never really see eachother for me to speak to him about it face to face. I might drop him a text and sort of jokingly and politely let him know the sound is carrying. I just don't want to be a party pooper, I'm not asking them to stop, just to be mindful of how loud things are. In all fairness, it is largely her that is making the noise, and I largely feel saying something to him will do absolutely nothing at all. I haven't tried the 'knocking' on the wall, but they did have the audacity to knock on mine when I played my music getting ready this morning (with my Alexa right against their bedroom wall, because I was tired and had had enough of listening to them having sex for 4 hours).

OP posts:
Iamnotminterested · 17/05/2021 12:40

@newtb

With canon, obviously.

secretrugbyfan · 17/05/2021 12:44

With the songs suggested you should play the following

With me little stick of Blackpool Rock - George Formby
Short dick man - 20 fingers
Baby one more time - Brittney Spears
Do that to me one more time - Captain and Tennille
French Kiss - Lil Louis (if you can find an extended remix of this on Spotify (other streaming sites are available) this is basically shagging to an increasing tempo very loudly!)

Covert19 · 17/05/2021 12:48

I was once the noisy-sex-neighbour. Genuinely didn't realise the sound would carry through the living room wall. This was one early evening when we were having it off in the lounge for a novelty. Our neighbours responded by bursting out laughing, which stopped us in our tracks. Mortifying, and we made sure to be quieter in future.

I'd put a note through the door "... I'm sure you don't realise, but sounds carry in these terraced houses, and I am regularly being disturbed at the weekend by you and your girlfriend enjoying your unusually lengthy sex sessions. Please can you try to keep the noise levels down? (a pillow behind the headboard / over your girlfriend's face would do it). As much as I am delighted you are having so much fun, I'm sure you'd agree it's best kept between the two of you." Or you could just write, "I can hear you shagging. I want to sleep!"

cushioncovers · 17/05/2021 12:54

Shout loudly "omg not again" repeatedly until it stops.

CallMeCleo · 17/05/2021 13:05

Play "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts" on repeat loop throughout their sex sessions.

It did the trick for me.

CravingTheSun · 17/05/2021 13:42

I had this in my old flat! It was awful, every night (and during the day) I was being kept awake by the sound of it and like you, I could hear it in my bedroom and living/dining room so there was no getting away from it.

I had to text him and say I’m really sorry, the walls are thin and I’m hearing a lot more than I need to - or something along those lines. He was very apologetic and it stopped!

It was the OTT screaming and grunting - it was so horrid. One time, we had friends for lunch and that’s all we could hear over our background music Blush

Topseyt · 17/05/2021 13:45

I'd thump loudly on the wall. Every single time.

user648482729 · 17/05/2021 13:52

We had this with neighbours in an upstairs flat; we were getting woken at 5am on weekends by their bed banging and squeaking to the point it sounded like they were going to fall through the ceiling. I put a note through the door saying we were getting woken by a loud banging noise (don’t think I thought about the pun at the time) and it got quieter after

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/05/2021 13:52

they did have the audacity to knock on mine when I played my music getting ready this morning (with my Alexa right against their bedroom wall, because I was tired and had had enough of listening to them having sex for 4 hours). That is what you say to him! They have given you a perfect reason to talk to them about YOUR noise... and your explanation/apology is THEIR noise!

Make a point of talking to him as soon as possible!

And I have been one who gave a rousing cheer for one of our neigbours - the whole block of flats (12 of them) and 3 houses all opened windows and cheered, clapped. He had been shouting "Get it in there" she was screaming "Oh yes!" and it went on forever! The applause was quite spontaneous, loud and prolonged. Some of the more uncouth shouted suggestions etc. He was a total twat, mentioned it in the pub quite proudly, but we never saw or heard her again!

Suzi888 · 17/05/2021 14:30

@WellJuhnelle

Our next door neighbour recently got a girlfriend who we refer to as Stormi Daniels because we think she thinks she is auditioning for a role in some kind of porn film. He works really early in the morning so we (me and the kids - not my husband who can sleep through anything Hmm )were regularly being woken up at 4am by her performance moaning.

ANYWAY eventually I got so fed up of it that I text him - I think I said something along the lines of ‘Just to let you know we are quite regularly being disturbed early in the morning, we normally don’t hear anything but I think because there is no other noise at that time it is worse. Just wanted to let you know’.

He was mortified and we haven’t been disturbed since!

Stormi Daniels 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤭
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