Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


DD won’t leave her house. No idea what to do.

4 replies

cally8019 · 17/05/2021 02:15

DD1 is 22. Finished uni 2 weeks ago has been offered a job down south and has moved down there.

She has a flat in a less than desirable area but the actual building itself/the grounds are actually OK- it’s off the main road, there are professionals living there and it’s on a housing estate where people own houses etc and are working professionals.

She is living in a small building (there’s 2- a large one with I would say about 100 apartments and hers which is about 20)

Her neighbours are “rough” characters- the people above her are heavy drug users, as is her neighbour below. The one other neighbour she has met she has said seems pleasant enough. She hasn’t met the others.

She is terrified of being burgled or attacked. Her neighbours upstairs are “rough” looking and you can hear them arguing constantly and they are always off their faces (ex cocaine addict here so trust me- I know)

I don’t know what I can do to make her more comfortable?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2021 02:18

What about a security system for her flat? Door sensors and cameras.


Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2021 02:20

To add, SimpliSafe is brilliant.


sergeilavrov · 17/05/2021 04:12

I’m sorry your daughter is in this situation - most of what follows is overkill, but if it would be comforting rather than worrying, may be worth a go.

Consider installations a CCTV system that records off site, and ensure she has a safe in the house (secured, so it can’t be carried off for valuable). Go over her home insurance policy with her, so she knows what the worst case scenario looks like and realizes it’s not so bad. Ensure she has window locks and a secure front door, with a secure doorbell such that she doesn’t have to approach the door to know who is outside. If she is concerned about mail theft, rent a PO Box; and lock down her home WiFi network. It might be worth seeing if there is a neighbourhood watch scheme, as she will meet more safety conscious, reasonable individuals she will feel safe with there, even if the direct safety benefits are limited. Beware of the dog signs up, and one way film on the windows can be useful to prevent surveillance of potential items to steal. Get the landlord to ensure the building is well lit at all times.

In terms of personal safety, would a Krav Maga workshop be a fun activity you could do together? Go through her social media with her and ensure everything is as secure as possible, so she can’t be harassed or stalked. Put an alarm and torch on her key ring, and she can keep them in her hand if she’s walking alone at night - keys make excellent short range weapons. Ensure she has SOS set up on her phone, and get her in the habit of always checking the backseat of her car (if she has one) before she gets in. She can stick a 24hr pack in her car, and in a safe room in her house, just in case. She can carry a dummy purse with some fake cards, ID and a small sum of money to hand over easily if robbed. Be sure she can pause all her bank accounts immediately. Have her phone backed up on cloud, and a replacement ready for her.

For women - as soon as they feel unsafe, maximise violence in response. Hedging is a bad strategy for most women, due to inherent size and strength disadvantages. It makes me so sad to know your daughter is feeling unsafe, no one should feel that way in the U.K. Flowers


Flowerlane · 17/05/2021 07:24

Always difficult when you move to another area that is all new to you, but saying that she could have moved in the local area she knew and still have neighbours like that, luck of the draw I’m afraid.

Does she have a personal alarm to keep in her bag? Always make sure her bag is done up and don’t fiddle looking for a purse phone in middle of street.
A spare battery pack in her bag for her mobile.
As poster above mentioned keys in hand can always be used as a weapon if needed.

Make sure her flat windows are locked when she leaves and front door locked. See irony camera or ring door bell maybe?
Have a word with the landlord if she thinks they could be more secure. I would not suggest a beware of the dog sign at the moment as dog thefts are high presently so could potentially make her vulnerable.

When it’s day light and she has some free time she needs to go for a walk around the local area get to know places. Start popping into the local shop etc the more she becomes a local face the more info about the area she will find out and what to watch out for.

Hope your daughter settles soonFlowers

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?