Birthday disappointment

[3rdwave]

For my birthday, my partner of 15yrs (not working at present) has arranged delivery of a delicious cake and additionally a cake kit (for me to do) which suits my daughter's dietary requirements, says that's her gift to me!
She says nothing to do with her but equally she hasn't made/bought me a card or anything. I'm disappointed that he cba to encourage her to make any effort and tries to make me out to be ungrateful.
I'm grateful for his throwing money at the problem of my birthday by buying a cake but wish he'd just done something to demonstrate to DD (12) that I'm worth a tiny bit of time and effort. Aibu?

She’s his child too?

In that case yep, time she was told. But equally it was a nice thing he did - just tell him kids need direction so next b’day/m say / Christmas he needs to supervise her getting a card and present from her to you and you will do same for him. It’s important not to let teen selfishness get totally out of hand.

She's 12, she's old enough to do it by herself, just tell her that you're disappointed.

At 12 she's old enough to understand things like that, it's not about you being ungrateful at all.

It's rubbish of both of them.

I don't see how he's done anything wrong here. It's not his fault that daughter isn't excited. He got you a present and one 'from her' so that it would seem she's involved.

Happy Birthday OP

I agree with other posters, at 12 she can be told that your feelings are hurt by her lack of thought and effort. A homemade card, something crafty would be have been appreciated.

Also, the cake kit - although it's nice that your daughter is included. It is essentially a cake for her. Your DD should be making it - partner can help. Why are you making it?

I would be disappointed.

Thanks all. She managed to make me a card somehow, delivered with a big hug so I'm ok. Will be crystal clear about my expectations next time. It's Father's Day soon so think we'll be having a chat about everything before then.

I understand how upsetting it is when you feel your birthday’s been forgotten. But unless he’s usually lazy and doesn’t put effort into occasions then I think your annoyance is a bit misplaced here. At 12, DD is capable of going to the supermarket and buying you a card and some flowers or chocolates as a bare minimum. His job should really only be reminding her that it’s your birthday next week and making his own gesture - which surely the cake he arranged for you is?

So your daughter's present to you was arranged by her dad, not her. And this present is a cake which is specifically for her to eat, not you. And you have to make it???

I'm not surprised you are disappointed! Glad to hear you are going to have a chat .

I wouldn't be having the chat before fathers day. Give the same as you got and let him see how it feels. Then have the chat.

I’m not sure how a cake kit for you to make is a birthday present. Bwhy can’t he make it?

I’m with you on birthday disappointments. For Mother’s Day, my ‘treat’ was my son cooking the Sunday roast. He does that most weeks anyway, so hardly a change from the norm. I did mention that most mums get flowers...

Consequently, for my birthday, flowers and presents were purchased. However, I put so much effort into their birthdays, and feel that they only get me something out of duress, not because they want to.

I'm reassured that most of you understand the disappointment. Anyway she's being a star daughter now and I'm reflecting that DP is usually great about gifts so it was as much a shock as a disappointment.
I'm good with my day (but I certainly won't be making any cakes!!)