Moving house

[Kiwi270605]

Hi, this is the short version of a lengthy problem, we live in a beautiful huge self build, next door to my in laws, my kids are at the local school and are happy my partner works 10 mins away and has a great business as a result i dont have to work, i do go in a couple times a week though and we have a new baby. I agreed to this buikd on a whim as its in a place i hate living, no nice walks everything is a drive and i am from a.small.town with lots of local amenities and community events, my mil is not interested in us and doesnt help with kids etc, my fil is fab but works full time and next door is just too close i feel we have no privacy i never use my garden as its overlooked all ways by family i feel like im spyed on but the kids love it! My mum lives in my hometown 16 miles away and lives on her own, she has friends and goes out etc but i feel she relies on me a lot to fill her time but she is also amazing with my kids! Anyway we decided to move have started the purchase of a new home in my home town, and my mum is delighted, i.was but its increasingly niggling at me that my kids and partner could resent me! The house we are leaving is basically a dream grand design build, and if we could go and not see it again my kids may be fine but their grandparents live here so they will be back all the time, am i being selfish? I have had so many sleepless nights i feel.like im trying to please too many people and now i dont know what i want, my partner works long hours and im here myself all the time i feel i resent the place as im lonely then i think do i suck it up and make it work for me somehow or do i move to be near all my friends and family, any feedback would be appreciated from someone impartial as i have too many opinions of people for their own gains i feel.
Thank you if u made it this far 🙈

How long does it take to get back to hometown I am thinking half hour??

Could you not stick where you are until your children are a little older & stay local to your husbands work?

Your mum doesn't live too far away for you to make the trip to visit her, perhaps once life gets back to normal again you won't mind it so much as you will be able to get out more?
Sounds like your incredibly lucky to have a beautiful home & not have to work.
What does your husband think? I assume he's happy to do what you want to do as you've started a house purchase? Is everyone happy to move? If so, go for it?!
If there's doubts then stay where you are for a bit longer

Yes around half an hour x

My older kids are almost 8 and 6 and i am worried i leave it too late for them to mive without too many issues 🙈 im so torn, i visited the new house today and while im there im certain its the right move but then i come back here and the doubts start 🤦‍♀️ oh to have a crystal ball xxx

It sounds a lot of hassle to increase your husband's commute and uproot the kids so you don't have to drive to see your mum/go to your own town? I would get frustrated with the garden situation though.

It's a hard one but moving house can be such an expensive faff (are you in the UK?), I'd make sure you're really sure. Sometimes it's your life that needs changing not your location (e.g. make more friends, get involved in local events).

16 miles? My round trip to Tesco is further than that, I think moving such a short distance when you have built your own house and are so close to where you are moving to, is a bit daft to be honest.

Can you not look into a way to move your mum closer to you, and increase privacy in the garden with mature planting, screening, well placed awning/sail shade?

Either what @Outnumbered99 says.
or

What does your husband say? Presumably he is ok with the move?
Personally I wouldnt put too much store by what an 8 year old and 6 year old say. Most kids I know can change their minds in the space of 1 day.

Its the places one is a suburb one is country small town and we do all.our socialising etc in the new place so its a constant travek apart from live where we are we do not go walks, go out and socialise etc its just the house xxx

You sound massively anxious and unconfident about voicing your opinion or making decisions that are good for you.

16 miles away is nothing! If your husband is happy to move and it will make you happier, just do it. You sound smothered by his family at the moment.

The kids will adjust.

Do you not drive? Is that why the sixteen miles is an issue?

Its understandable for you to be concerned about moving and questioning your choice.
I like you was the person who intigated our family house move.
We didn't move far from a family home with everything done to it to a different similar sized house that we would need to update a bit but also had a bigger garden. My children were happy at the last house and initially questioned why we were moving.
They actually adapted to new house really easily. they are now very happy to be walking distance to amenities and transport.they are teenagers and I'm now doing much less lifts. The last house was lovely but I was in and out of it numerous times giving lifts.
It was the right move for our family. While we had happy years in the last house, it probably would have benefited us even more, had we done it 5 or so years earlier.
For us the location was the most importance. I sometimes go pass the old house but it doesnt seem ours any more. Once all our stuff and especially the children's belongs, furniture & pictures were taken out of the house, it just looked like a house rather than our home.

I would advise to concentrate on getting your new house to feel like your home, with focusing first on the children's rooms to feel like their rooms asap & involve them in this.
For some of my children, this was nearly replicating down to same paint colours as their rooms in previous house. While my other children decided on a complete change.
Best of luck with the move.

Thank you everyone for your comments i appreciate the differing view points and i think noting some.of these have gave me the clarity i needed, the move will be good for us, i am over thinking how my kids will adjust and for the last 5 years we have not fully enjoyed our house or living situation, the change will do us good and give us an easier lifestyle in the long run x

No matter where you live every place has good and bad points. I would not like to be that near pil. You said your mil does not help out with your children.
From what you said about where you live you don't have friends, support and have to do a lot of driving to get to places.
I know people that live a few miles from the nearest town with teenagers and it seems someone always needs to be brought to or collected from somewhere.
If you're husband is happy to move to more built up area with better services including public transport I would advise you to do this. You will probably have more options with schools as well when your kids are older.

You will be far happier in the new area and you can get involved with new groups and make friends. I hope you will be very happy in your new home.