To give up even though I would then be friendless?

[NoMoreHGTVPlease]

Over the pandemic everyone has changed how they communicate etc.
I dont have many friends in this country. No going out, drinks, walks, dinner etc. Even before covid hit. But do have two people I text occasionally.
I diarised contacting my two 'friends' over whatsapp about once a month, just to keep in touch, although all of us are in different positions re working out of home, at home, kids ages, challenges due to the pandemic. So I kept in touch. But I noticed it was always me contacting .
So the last message I sent was Happy easter.
Both read, no reply.
These are two separate people who dont know each other.
So, aibu to give up? Even though it means I have no friends at all?

Hmm I wouldn't read too much into people's social media behaviour. To me a friendship is not something I do via text. It's face to face or potentially over phone calls. I don't always respond to texts and would not read too much into it if someone doesn't reply to mine. Monthly WhatsApp chats are more than I've managed over lockdown with most of my friends - I would just expect to pick.up with seeing them again now it's become easier. Met a good friend today who I last saw 3 years ago and have only exchanged maybe 2 or 3 messages with in the meantime.
I think you know whether you actually want to be friends with these people and whether they really want to be friends with you. But if they don't want to meet face to face as often as circumstances allow, I wouldn't try to flog a dead horse.
Meeting new friends as an adult is hard, I would suggest doing a class or joining a club, that way you immediately have a shared interest. Can your children be left alone for a few hours on a Saturday morning say? Doesn't matter if you can't do something every week either - plenty of people work shifts and are still members of clubs. Running, walking or cycling might be worth a try if you are at all that way inclined

@NoMoreHGTVPlease you could be me! Sen child in this household too! Where are you if you don't mind me asking? Feel free to message if you fancy a chat xx

Hi May I ask, do you know these people in real life or are they sort of pen pals? Do they reply to your updates, either with questions or updates of their own?

Personally, do you want/need/wish for many friends? Do you want to go out/walk/talk/dine or do you not really see the point in those things at the moment or after covid?

Oi, sorry! I'll read up first

@NoMoreHGTVPlease

Moved houses and schools, different life stages and drifted apart. I have tried to send messages like hey, how have you been etc but nothing comes of it. I guess I am just unlikeable and not worth being friends with. tbh I am not very interesting. Which is why I focus on others. Like, I have no hobbies, no idea what I would even do if I did want to start one haha and dont do anything other than work and kids.

Well, I think you’re answering your own question here. You think you’re dislikeable and don’t feel at all interesting, and you want to focus on the other person in your friendships. Maybe work on your self-esteem in order to feel you have something to offer? Being brutal, why would someone want to maintain a friendship with someone who thinks they’re not worth maintaining a friendship with?

Don't put yourself down, OP. You sound like a perfectly nice person to me.
It does sound like you are flogging a dead horse with these 'friends'. It's shit that they ignored your message. That's not what interested friends do, and the pandemic is no excuse.
Move on

To make and maintain friends, you have to make an effort and priorities them. You sound very busy with family/children/lockdown.

You may have wait until you have more free time to make an effort to formulate meaningful bonds/friendship.

Good friends are hard to find really. I have several friends that we make time with each other and it's good but always is always a conscious effort. I have one main friend that is just easy. Has never been hard because we are best friends it just works. Could be a while between texts but never have to do the starndard chit chat.

'never make someone a priority when you're only an option for them'

@TipseyTorvey What does this mean exactly?

I don't have any friends at all. I absolutely love it.

OP I interpreted your shrug comments in your posts in the way you’ve now said you meant them - as lacking self confidence. I think Pumper is being harsh to you here, you’re clearly worried about these friendships and Pumper seems to really be minimalising how you’re feeling. I could tell from your posts you’re worried and lack the confidence about these friendships.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
Do you like anything like reading, knitting etc? Joining online clubs for things like that are a great way to meet friends at this stage of your life.
Best of luck to you

Don't give up on those two friends if you like them. I am guilty of letting some of my friends do all the running in our friendship but it is not out of lack of interest, more lack of self-confidence on my part. Of course your friends could be different, but I am so grateful to my friends that just kept on getting in touch.

Hey OP - I was going to say the same as @clpsmum

I've got SEN DC here too and it's hard. I think it can be difficult to fit in with the usual school mum stuff, and depending on the DC's needs, it can be very isolating because you don't have the same freedoms as other parents.

Is there anyone at work you get on well with? Or local groups, even online clubs?

I think you sound lovely, just low on self-confidence. I'm in the UK but you're welcome to pm me too for a chat any time xx

OP, I've read through your posts and something emerges from them that you might not be aware of. It sounds like you are not offering enough of yourself in the friendship for them to get a good sense of who they are dealing with. If someone never talks about themself, never seems to go anywhere, do anything, show interest in or enthusiasm for the world, but tags along passively and turns up with presents when you are unwell, that is actually quite uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end. They don't have a strong enough sense of who is behind the generosity to work out whether it's transactional or genuine, whether it's a polite neighbour or someone wanting a degree of friendship that there are not sufficient grounds to establish. You need to be more visible, more present.

Why do you have no interests? That is quite odd. I know people say it's a cliche to mention 'join a club' but if you'd like some friends, the easiest way to gain some is through shared interests. It gives you something to talk about, something to enthuse over, something to plan ahead, an excuse to meet up. E.g. if you join a book club you take turns hosting. Then someone w=might suggest going into town to hear an author speak or to go to a book signing, then you go for a coffee or glass of wine afterwards and suddenly discover you have a friendship group.

Or you join a fitness class and a few of you decide to run C25K together or train for a triathlon and suddenly, those are the people you meet up with outside work.

You have to ask yourself, what are you allowing them to befriend? If you show nothing of yourself, they can't know you well enough to consider you a friend. I knew a woman like this. She was incredibly kind to me at a low point in my life. She really was one of the few people I could rely on. But she was so quiet and hard work to be with. Part of me loved her but part of me felt so trapped that she was the only person I ever saw and there was never an interesting chat or a giggle. It was all so flat. She moved abroad for her husband's work and I still stay in touch on FB very intermittently. She still has almost no friends if you go by who bothers to reply when she posts. She is still a lovely soul, but I wish she'd open up more.

@Cowbells

OP, I've read through your posts and something emerges from them that you might not be aware of. It sounds like you are not offering enough of yourself in the friendship for them to get a good sense of who they are dealing with. If someone never talks about themself, never seems to go anywhere, do anything, show interest in or enthusiasm for the world, but tags along passively and turns up with presents when you are unwell, that is actually quite uncomfortable for the person on the receiving end. They don't have a strong enough sense of who is behind the generosity to work out whether it's transactional or genuine, whether it's a polite neighbour or someone wanting a degree of friendship that there are not sufficient grounds to establish. You need to be more visible, more present.

Why do you have no interests? That is quite odd. I know people say it's a cliche to mention 'join a club' but if you'd like some friends, the easiest way to gain some is through shared interests. It gives you something to talk about, something to enthuse over, something to plan ahead, an excuse to meet up. E.g. if you join a book club you take turns hosting. Then someone w=might suggest going into town to hear an author speak or to go to a book signing, then you go for a coffee or glass of wine afterwards and suddenly discover you have a friendship group.

Or you join a fitness class and a few of you decide to run C25K together or train for a triathlon and suddenly, those are the people you meet up with outside work.

You have to ask yourself, what are you allowing them to befriend? If you show nothing of yourself, they can't know you well enough to consider you a friend. I knew a woman like this. She was incredibly kind to me at a low point in my life. She really was one of the few people I could rely on. But she was so quiet and hard work to be with. Part of me loved her but part of me felt so trapped that she was the only person I ever saw and there was never an interesting chat or a giggle. It was all so flat. She moved abroad for her husband's work and I still stay in touch on FB very intermittently. She still has almost no friends if you go by who bothers to reply when she posts. She is still a lovely soul, but I wish she'd open up more.

That's a good post, @Cowbells, and should probably come as a sticky on quite a few friendship posts on Mn! Lots of posters come on and say 'But I'm always there as a listening ear in emergencies, and I sent her a card when she was ill!', appearing not to realise that the vast majority of the time isn't an emergency or illness, and that people ultimately choose to be around people whose personalities they find appealing, and not semi-invisible 'service providers' who feel all they bring to the friendship is gifts and questions about the other person's life.