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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask any of you who have worked in hotels how to evict a guest?

47 replies

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:09

I've got another thread about a complex situation going on with my MIL and FIL (tl;dr: she is financially abusing and coercively controlling him and one of the problems is that she is taking the money that is needed to support them in retirement and pissing it away by staying in a luxury apartment hotel, in part to punish him as she absolutely loathes him while refusing to countenance separation or divorce).

Anyway, I've got a question for those of you who have worked in hotels either on the front desk, or in the back office on accounts, or in management. If a guest will not check out, and is not paying their bill, and it isn't their name on the account, how do you evict them? What is the procedure?

FIL's name is on the account, and he was the one who paid initially, but he's now run out of money to pay and has moved out to a studio apartment one of his sons has rented for him. After a lot of pleading from us he has stopped paying the hotel bill, and has apparently told the hotel he has checked out, but MIL (think Hyacinth Bucket) refuses to leave and because her name is not on the account she's not liable for the debt that she, and only she, is accruing.

Along with the other adult children and their partners in the situation, I'm at a complete loss to understand why a hotel would not simply chuck a guest out in a situation where they have stopped paying. We know she went out at least once this past weekend, and needs to go out regularly eg. to go food shopping. If you had a non-paying guest, why would you not simply stop the key-card to the room working when she went out, and put all her possessions in a store-room somewhere for her to collect later, and evict her that way? But the hotel aren't doing this, and won't even talk to any of MIL or FIL's children or their spouses-in-law about it, because of privacy reasons. Apparently there needs to be vacant possession of the apartment before the hotel will accept FIL has checked out: FIL has left (and has apparently told them this) but it's the fact that MIL is staying in the room that is apparently the problem.

An additional wrinkle is that MIL is a hoarder and has been in the room long enough that she has filled it with stuff, so it's actually causing damage to their property.

We figure there must be some legal reason for the hotel failing to evict her, though MIL is a master manipulator and is no doubt playing off the desk staff against the management against the cleaning staff by having strategic meltdowns which are her speciality and which she uses to make people feel sorry for her, the poor elderly lady whose husband has deserted her and who can't possibly be thrown out of a hotel . We badly need her out of there so that we can stop MIL racking up a debt in FIL's name and preserve something of his funds so as to be able to get them proper (safe and clean) accommodation for their old age.

Any hotel workers have any insights? Or anyone who's been in a situation where a hotel did (or didn't) successfully evict them after non-payment of a bill? I think there are only a few weeks which haven't been paid for, but it is still a fairly hefty sum.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 16/05/2021 17:12

He's signed for the room so as long as his 'party' is there and they can keep charging his card then they will...

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:14

@LaurieFairyCake

He's signed for the room so as long as his 'party' is there and they can keep charging his card then they will...

He's not given a card, though - he pays cash (which I know sounds odd in this day and age but it's a result of the financial abuse situation). That's part of what I find hard to understand. It's not like there is a credit card that the hotel can keep charging: it's now a debt that has been periodically paid off but is no longer being paid so it should be amply clear to the hotel that they are losing money that can't be recouped.

OP posts:

QuestionableMouse · 16/05/2021 17:15

I'd phone the police and ask their advice. I'd also send a signed for letter to the highest management at the hotel detailing the situation and outlining what you'd like them to do.

Icecreamsoda99 · 16/05/2021 17:15

Hotel will be getting their money and they probably don't want MIL to cause a scene in front of other guests, has she a 'golden child' who might be able to reason with her?

HUCKMUCK · 16/05/2021 17:22

Can he ask them to cancel her key card next time she goes out so she can't get back in. Then he/family can go in and clear the room, then its vacant and he can complete the proper check out procedure.

Nobody should have to do this but she isn't going to clear the room so someone else will have to. If it's in his name they should be able to cancel the keycards that anyone else. He should tell them he doesn't authorise anyone else to have access to the room that is in his name. No idea if this will work, I'm just trying to think it through.

What a horribel situation for you all.

WilsonMilson · 16/05/2021 17:22

How long has she been there? And how long has it been since your FIL stopped paying? Are they separated? Are the funds coming from a joint source or only money in your father’s name?
Have you put any of this in writing to the hotel?

(Sorry for all the questions, just trying to see the situation more clearly).

ANutAsBigAsABoulder · 16/05/2021 17:23

As she’s a hoarder and is exhibiting worrying signs of mental health issues - because this kind of behaviour really isn’t normal - you may want to consider involving adult social services.

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:25

@Icecreamsoda99

Hotel will be getting their money and they probably don't want MIL to cause a scene in front of other guests, has she a 'golden child' who might be able to reason with her?

Yep, this is the closest we've come to an explanation. There's low occupancy due to covid so hotels are suffering, and are probably unwilling to throw out any guests, even ones who are overdue on their bills. I also think it's extremely likely that she has thrown or threatened to throw a tantrum in front of other guests and it's been easier for the front desk staff to hustle her off to her room before she starts giving the hotel a bad name.

She does like to have a golden child, but it rotates depending on who is in and out of the country, and who has or hasn't tried to ask to her to do something she doesn't want to do. Golden child or not, though, there is no reasoning at all with her. She just starts screaming or chanting the same thing ('FIL's dreadful, he's got millions hidden away') so she can't hear anything you say to her.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2021 17:25

Has your father in law checked out? If he has not done so then the room continues to be his and he is liable for the cost. He needs to check out. Then the hotel can asked. You must know you need to check out of hotels?

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:33

@HUCKMUCK

What a horribel situation for you all.

I like this idea of the family clearing the apartment out, and it's one to work on. Unfortunately of the five people who could do this, two of them are on the other side of the planet, one has a Big Job of the sort that involves working 6am-10pm and through most of the weekends (which has enabled them to effectively disengage from this slow-motion carcrash by saying they've got so much on at work

), one has a new baby and (rightly) doesn't want to expose herself to the hazards of the filth that's accumulated in the room, and the last one is going through something of a breakdown and can't be relied upon for anything at the moment. Like I said, a complex situation. I think the biological children are terrified of the fallout if they do anything with the hoard (even put it into bags and boxes for their mother to collect) and the two spouses-in-law have pretty compelling practical reasons for not being able to go to the hotel. But, I'll put it into the mix. I am one of the ones on the other side of the planet so it is awkward volunteering other people for what will be an extremely unpleasant and (for the biological children) emotionally wrenching job.

OP posts:

1Morewineplease · 16/05/2021 17:33

Yep.
He needs to formally, check out . The hotel may well, then, call the police.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 16/05/2021 17:34

Do you think that if you tell her she's behaving like a mad woman, and that if she doesn't move out, you'll get the doctors in and have her sectioned, would work?

Just a thought!

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:35

@Bluntness100

Part of the problem is that he says he has checked out - and we have rung up on his behalf and told them that he has checked out - and the reception staff simply say very pleasantly, 'That's fine, you can certainly check out. We just need the room to be vacated.' That's why I'm posting here, to see if there is some behind-the-scenes procedure that people who work in hotels who have met this scenario before might be aware of, and that we might be able to trigger if we just say the right words, or do the right thing.

OP posts:

Pinkpaisley · 16/05/2021 17:36

I think your fil needs a solicitor. If he actually checked out and they are continuing to bill him for the room, I would go on the offensive for that. Now, I understand that the money is coming from the same place, but if the hotel doesn’t have anyone planning to pay them they might actually take action.

katy1213 · 16/05/2021 17:39

Surely a solicitor's letter saying he is no longer responsible for expenses accrued by X would do the trick?

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:39

@ANutAsBigAsABoulder

As she’s a hoarder and is exhibiting worrying signs of mental health issues - because this kind of behaviour really isn’t normal - you may want to consider involving adult social services.

Yep, we've contacted social services and they are aware. (She has other mental health issues as well as hoarding - she is delusional and thinks he has millions stashed away somewhere that she is entitled to. When he really doesn't.) What we keep coming up against though is that she has sufficient mental capacity that she can't just be sectioned, and she needs to consent to any help. She'll never consent, and she isn't mentally ill enough that she can be taken away without her consent. It's extraordinarily frustrating, all the more because coercive control isn't currently recognised as a crime in the country she is in (not the UK) and because it's against the way this normally plays out in relation to gender roles (ie. she's abusing FIL rather than vice versa), people like the police are no help at all. I did approach them some time back (over a different issue, not the hotel one) and they were just like 'well tell him to man up and stop doing what his wife wants'

OP posts:

travailtotravel · 16/05/2021 17:44

Can you cancel credit cards, withdraw money from accounts etc so there is no line of credit?

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:44

@katy1213

Surely a solicitor's letter saying he is no longer responsible for expenses accrued by X would do the trick?

We've wondered about that. If anyone here works at a hotel, what would you do if presented with such a letter? Would you take action? Would it override the conditions of the contract which were applied when the room was initially rented?

(If it were me in FIL's place, I'd march up to the desk, demand to see the manager, explain in words of one syllable and get it sorted. But FIL at this point has been broken by 40+ years of steady shouting and screaming by his wife. He can't do anything and seems to live in a fantasy world where he has business interests that are just about to come good and bring in the money that will solve this situation and get his wife off his back for, oh, about five minutes. It is heart-rending and really a horrific indication of how one person's mental illness can destroy the lives of those around them.)

OP posts:

Saltyslug · 16/05/2021 17:45

Has your FIL put anything in writing?

I would suggest that your father in law goes into the hotel while your mil is shopping. Takes all the children to help. Boxes everything up at speed so that the room is empty and then boxes left at reception. Room key cancelled at the reception while packing up.

Saltyslug · 16/05/2021 17:47

She can always sign herself back in under her name

Saltyslug · 16/05/2021 17:49

Has she somewhere to go?

slashlover · 16/05/2021 17:51

Could he go when she's out, ask for a key if it's under his name and then have people help him clear everything out to give vacant possession?

RealMermaid · 16/05/2021 17:53

I would certainly ensure that you get it in writing to the hotel that as far as your father is concerned he has vacated the room and turned over possession, and will not be liable for any costs from the date he notified them that the room is vacated. Obviously you need a solicitor to word it correctly but I would think you want as much as possible in writing so you have evidence that he tried to turn over possession of the room.

When you call the hotel you are probably talking to desk staff who may not feel they have the authority to take any real action. Hopefully the letter will reach someone more senior. Is it part of a hotel chain or is it a small business?

thenightsky · 16/05/2021 17:56

Have you posted about this awful woman previously OP? It rings bells with me and I remember feeling so dreadfully sorry for your poor fil.

Original poster

Seashore2018 · 16/05/2021 17:59

@Saltyslug

Has your FIL put anything in writing?

This would be the obvious solution if it was a normal family whose members could talk to one another easily about the situation. But, they can't.

Putting stuff in writing - yes, I think that is a good next step.

She does have a place to go to, yes - not nearly as nice as a luxury hotel room though, which is why she'll tantrum for as long and as hard as she needs to in order to not have to go back there!

OP posts:

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