To ask what you wish you’d asked your parents while they were still here?

[Dogoodfeelgood]

My parents are getting on now, mid 70s, and my partner was asking me some questions about their career last night and I suddenly realised my information is vague at best, just sort of murky knowledge of “major” points in their life and remembered passing sentences about what their own parents are like. I’m afraid I’ll really regret not knowing more, especially since I’m an only child so the knowledge of them and their own parents will end with me, so I wanted to start getting a bit curious. What are some things/topics you really wish you’d asked your parents about while they were still with you?

Ah, a good one.

My parents are dead and I wish I had asked them more about their parents/grandparents - just everyday things, like what they ate, not “big reveals” about whether they were bigamist or convicts etc.

And I really wish I’d asked my mum how to make gravy - and a roast dinner in general. Mine are pants compared with my mum’s....

I was thinking about this a few weeks ago. My dad passed away almost 2 years ago and there's so much I wish I'd asked him about. He was in the merchant navy when he was younger and travelled all over the world,he snorkelled and scuba dived, had a pilot's licence. So many stories but unfortunately I don't know many of them. I try not to think about it too much as it's something I really regret.

I wish I'd asked my grandparents on my dad's side more about themselves as people. It's very easy when you're a child to think your grandparents are just old people (even though that sounds horrible) who love you and come round for Sunday dinner, but they have lived full lives with hopes, dreams, heartbreaks and everything else. I wish I'd sat there and listened to their stories.

My dad died February 2019. He had seven brothers and sisters and his father came over from Bangladesh in 1941. I know next to nothing about his family and only realised he had that many siblings in my early twenties. I occasionally dabble in ancestry.com but my god I wish I’d asked questions.

Aside from general stories about her life, I wish on a practical level that I'd asked my mum more about her menopause. She was relatively young when she went through it and I'm starting to at similar age to her. I suspect our experiences are quite similar and I'd love to be able to ask questions.

I wish I’d known more about what life was like for them when I was a baby.

Where the key to the safe????

Yes asking about things they ate etc is a really good one, and seems like it would be a nice way to open up a wider conversation rather than throwing them in the deep end straight away. Before lockdown a cousin came to stay in UK and mentioned this lovely story about my grandmother dating a man with a motorbike before she met my grandad and it made me realise I know zilch about her apart from her being an “old lady”! So I would love to find out all I can about them as well, so their memory lives on and I’m able to tell my own children funny anecdotes about their great grandparents!

@lavenderandwisteria

I wish I’d known more about what life was like for them when I was a baby.

This is a great one too. For me there is a bit of awkwardness around this time as my parents split up - but I would love to to say to both that I really hold no judgement around this, and would just enjoy an honest conversation about fears and any shame. It would be great to let them know I understand and forgive as well.

What childhood illnesses/vacinations I had. Family medical history and Mum's menopause.

What I was like as a child.

I have lots of old photos of my mother's family and don't know who most of the people are, some have names on the back but i can't match them up with the picture and I'd love to ask DM who is who.

I'd also like my mother's recipe for a traybake she used to make!

I would like to have known about my mum's experiences of childhood, her relationship with her parents, happy memories and events from her past, what drove her and interested her before she settled down, growing up during the war years and as a teenager and young woman, starting her career, travelling that she did. So much that I don't know.

Also, I would have liked to know where she thought my strengths and potential lay. What direction would she have guided me in?

My mum died before my kids were born and I really regret not asking her more about being a mum to little babies. I wish I'd asked about her experiences with me and my sibling, so I had something to compare my experience to. I don't know if I was bottle or breast fed, for example.

I wish I knew more about her as a teenager and the woman she was before she became a mum.

Just a word of caution. My dad came to England from Ireland in the 60s I have asked a few times about how he settled over here and started his own company but he's really evasive.
I think it must bring back bad memories or something so I'm just suggesting to be tactful about what you ask (I probably wasn't tactful enough).