Does DS need consequences at school

[Longlane]

DS is in year 8 in a mainstream school. DS has multiple SEN including ASD, ADHD and dyslexia.
DSs school are really trying very hard to make it a positive experience for him, they are really nurturing but I’m wondering if the fact he has no consequences for not following the rules will have a negative impact.
DS doesn’t do any homework (he finds it too stressful) and doesn’t get a detention as the others would. DS decided about 3 weeks ago that he doesn’t want to do PE so doesn’t take in his kit and there have been no consequences. If DS doesn’t want to do any work during a lesson the teachers don’t push him as they are worried it will turn him off school completely.
I understand that school are doing what they think it’s best so that DS actually turns up to school but I’m concerned that the lack of consequences means that DS feels he’s untouchable and can do whatever he wants.
AIBU to bring this up with the school and how do we actually solve it. I know that many friends with SEN children have the reverse battle with their schools so I haven’t really found anyone to talk to about school being to easy on DS.

It doesn’t sound great to me. I have a DS in mainstream with autism & dyslexia and I would not want this approach for him. It sounds to me as though effectively, they are simply babysitting him and are not so concerned with his academic progress. Has school previously not been a good experience for him?

Speak to the school/SENCO and together decide on what you feel should be sanctioned and this can then be put in place. The school will really appreciate a parent like you trying to support them!

I think you'd be right to talk to the school. I can understand why they're going easy on him but at the same time, children need boundaries.

That's a hard one as I really do see the benefits of that approach as staying in school above all else will easily have the most positive impact for his future. If you 'lose' him at any point it's almost game over.

However, could you try to put something in at home to reinforce positive behaviour and that has some consequences for negative? So sit down and have a big talk about how we have to do things we don't want to do and how school have agreed he doesn't have to do homework but that if he makes a decent attempt to do 1 piece a week (or whatever you think is a realistic target without causing issues) then he's allowed xxx but if he doesn't, he has to wash up all week or something??

@autumnboys that’s exactly it - I feel like they are babysitting DS and not helping him progress.

There is a boy with PDA in DSs class and thinking about it I feel they are using the PDA strategies on DS which he really doesn’t need. DS is supposed to be doing his core subject homework in school as he has dropped a couple of subjects but that doesn’t seem to be happening. I will have to contact the SENCO.

They are prioritising his attendance, happiness and mental health over academic progress, which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing. I would be asking for their justification. They may well have seen many other children who present similarly to your ds over the years, and found that this approach yields the best long-term success. But I think that you definitely need a conversation to explain the rationale and plan next steps.

Ah, after I’d replied I wondered if he had a PDA presentation, but I thought you have mentioned it. It does sound like they might need reminding that your son doesn’t. Hope you chat with the senco goes well.

I think I might be asking first what happened three weeks ago to make him not want to do PE anymore & see if there is anything that can be done to overcome this. Usually, we find there is a reason for the refusal to do something even if it takes some major detective work to find out what the problem is.