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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask how you deal with night wakes if both working full time

23 replies

SamanthaVimes · 16/05/2021 08:09

I’m currently on maternity leave with DD 10 months. At the moment I do all night wakes and DH takes her in the morning when she’s awake for the day (usually some time between 6.15 and 7.15) until about 8 when he goes back to bed for a power nap before work (working from home so don’t need to be up much before starting)

In June I’ll be going back to work full time and am wondering how other people manage wakes when this happens?

DD usually wakes 3 times during the time I’d like to be sleeping. At the moment because it’s just me we’re cosleeping and she has a couple of mins breastfeed to go back to sleep.

Obviously DH can’t breastfeed her but he can rock her to sleep and does at bedtime if she won’t feed to sleep (recently it’s been much quicker for him to do bedtime than for me)

I’m not wanting to night wean totally as she refuses milk at nursery so want to make sure she’s getting enough but WIBU to say that DH needs to do at least one night wake per night once I’m working? I’d love to hear how other people manage this.

OP posts:

Sarah180818 · 16/05/2021 08:43

My husband and I always took it in turns to do the night feeds/wake ups but I bottle fed so it was easier. At 10 months though, you might want to think about trying to get her to sleep through or be waking less so you can all get a good night's sleep. Have you tried teaching her to self settle at bedtime so she can resettle herself at night? It worked wonders with both our boys. We let our oldest one cry it out one night at 7 months as he was waking at the same time every night so it was more habit than hunger and he slept through after that. Our youngest didn't sleep through til he was 1 but again, after a few daft nights of several get ups l, I decided enough was enough and we let him cry it out. He now sleeps through. We started with self settling for naps which helped them both nap better too. Good luck

JustKeep · 16/05/2021 08:44

Two main approaches I’ve heard of:

take turns to cover one night each, so every other night you get a full nights sleep

split up the night so eg any waking between 8-1am he covers, any waking between 1am-7am you cover. That way each of you gets a solid chunk of sleep each night and some broken sleep. The problem with this approach is that the baby monitor may wake both of you each time.

bunglebee · 16/05/2021 08:47

I did the night wakes as I was breastfeeding and would just feed the baby/toddler down to sleep. I was actually used to it and coped fine at work. The sleepy hormones meant I got back to sleep very quickly myself.

When we night weaned DH then did them all for a while and both of ours started sleeping through. Once I was pregnant with and then had our second, he did any night waking with our first.

EmeraldShamrock · 16/05/2021 08:48

Take it in turns.
Get at least 2 full nights sleep if possible.
Your body clock adjusts it's manageable if DH helps too.
I often went to work with minimum sleep.
Co-sleeping helps.

Angeldust747 · 16/05/2021 08:53

I've always gone to bed early while DH would stay up for a bit gaming so we tended to split the night where I'd get a good sleep early on and he would sort DD and then later on I would get up with her.
DH is a heavy sleeper so alternating nights wouldnt work as he wouldn't wake up very easily but the slightest noise would wake me up

CastleCrasher · 16/05/2021 08:53

I did all the night eagles with both ours as they were both bf. Wasn't too bad as was able to get to sleep again quite quickly afterwards most of the time. DH usually would take DC down on weekend mornings to give me a lie in. Worked for us!

Dustyhedge · 16/05/2021 08:55

I’d really try and tackle the night waking if you can. I found my toddlers were more likely to wake for random stuff at 2-3 than they were as babies unfortunately and no-one really speaks about that side of sleepless nights. I had one night this week where the 2 year old pooed at night and woke me up at 3am at the same time my 4yo had a nightmare at 1am and was disturbed for a good hour. I was essentially stressed and moody at work and really struggled. The feeding itself is probably ok with the hormones but it is the extra stuff on top of feeding that may make things really difficult.

CaptainMerica · 16/05/2021 08:56

@bunglebee

When we night weaned DH then did them all for a while and both of ours started sleeping through. Once I was pregnant with and then had our second, he did any night waking with our first.

Same here. I found when I went back to work DC was genuinely waking for a feed, as he wouldn't take a bottle at all so switched to night feeding. If I hadn't been feeding I would just have been awake listening to DH trying to stop him crying.

It only lasted 5 or 6 months before I stopped breastfeeding, and to make that easier DH took over all night waking.

Overthebow · 16/05/2021 08:57

Taking it in turns would be fair. I’m working 3 days a week and do all the nights myself, although if it’s a really bad night DH will do some of it. My DD is similar to yours, she normally wakes 3 times a night and I’m pretty used to that amount of sleep now so doesn’t really bother me that much. I do wish we’d got into a pattern of DH helping more though.

SpaceOp · 16/05/2021 09:14

Currently your husband sleeps all night then gets up with the baby at 615 and has to then go back to bed for a nap before work?! Sorry, I think you are going to struggle to get any meaningful help here.

The point is that you both have to take the hit. So you take turns or you have slots. With us, dh was good about early starts or late night but struggled with a 2 am wake up. So he'd usually deal with anything until about midnight. I would do middle of the night, waking him only if it went on for hours, and he took over with any wake ups post about 530. On a good day, he and dc would doze off together again but worst case, he was then up for the day.

I never understand all these men who absolutely.must have 8 hours who have no.issue with their wives getting much less.

bunglebee · 16/05/2021 09:18

Yup. It wasn't that DH was unwilling to help at night, it was that it was less stressful and faster for me to just get up and feed, then we'd all be back asleep in ten minutes, whereas if DH went in there'd be an epic of wailing that would leave me wide awake and stressed. He did his bit in other ways. As long as it works out as fair and manageable overall for each couple, it's whatever works.

KingdomScrolls · 16/05/2021 09:19

Honestly I switch to cow's milk at around 13/14 months, we got some good earplugs and took turns who was on night duty.

Bluntness100 · 16/05/2021 09:21

Night wean her before you go back to work. If she’s hungry she’s not getting enough during the day and if she’s just using it for comfort then you need to break the habit.

Original poster

SamanthaVimes · 17/05/2021 14:49

Thanks for your thoughts everyone, given me a few things to think about!

OP posts:

Hankunamatata · 17/05/2021 15:32

Depends. When bf, I was going to bed at 9pm. Dh would would put baby down then I would do night feeds. Once bottle was introduced. We took turns going to bed early and doing night feeds.

brokengate · 17/05/2021 15:36

Agree @SpaceOp . Why on earth does he need a nap if getting up at 6.15?

ShirleyPhallus · 17/05/2021 15:39

She doesn’t need overnight milk at this age so I’d night wean then sleep train if you still need it

idontlikealdi · 17/05/2021 15:40

We took it in turns.

Why on earth does he need a power nap. 06.15 is quite a reasonable time to have to get up for work.

BackforGood · 17/05/2021 15:41

We always took turns, so every other night you'd get a sleep through.

When they were little, and needed feeding every few hours, then I tended to go to be at 8ish and dh fed them at about 11 / 11.30 then he would sleep and I would feed at 3/3.30ish, having have a good solid 7 hours first.

Merchymor · 17/05/2021 15:46

We split the night so that we each got a good block of sleep, even before I went back to work. I didn't want to be exhausted looking after a baby all day! When I was breastfeeding, baby was brought to me then taken away to be settled so I didn't have to get up and could go straight back to sleep with minimal disturbance.

TurquoiseDragon · 17/05/2021 15:50

I did it all. My ex complained of headaches on the rare nights he got disturbed.

Ex for many, many reasons.

Lalliebelle · 17/05/2021 15:51

Swap to cow's milk at 12 months and do one night on, one night off. The person who has the night off gets to sleep in the spare room!

Twickerhun · 17/05/2021 15:54

How did we cope? Badly. Very badly. Coffee was our friend. And early nights

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