Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


To feel lost?

8 replies

Putyourdamnshoeson · 16/05/2021 07:34

Lockdown easing again tomorrow. I thought I'd be pleased, I just feel anxious.
My life has changed enormously over the last year (I know lots of people's have), not necessarily for the worse. New job, which I enjoy, first full time job as a parent, DC 11 and 8. Working at home. Turned 40.
We got a dog in January, lovely, but affecting our lives more than we had anticipated. We haven't really left her alone, she barks like mad when we so much as go out of the kitchen.
I am used to working 22 hours a week and rushing around to clubs, doing the housework/garden on days off, seeing friends for coffee and being busy doing fun stuff and diy at the weekends.
Now we hang around the house. Exhausted. House never seems clean. I always seem to be nagging about mess. Kids on screens more than I'd like. Dog is clingy and can't be left alone in a room or barks like mad.
I'm waffling. I just have no idea how to get back to anything as I'm not getting back to what we had before, it's all different.
It feels impossible. I need DH to step up more with housework. We've discussed this til I'm blue in the face, he improves then it slides. He does get up early ish with the dog, but I just lie there feeling guilty about that.
I dont even.know what I'm asking. Clarity. Perspective. Tips to sort my shit out? I dont have the energy to be ripped apart. So I'm probably posting in the wrong place. But other boards get so little traffic.
Am I alone in feeling so unsettled about changes?

OP posts:

MyGoMargot · 16/05/2021 07:39

Can you think practically about it?

  • cleaner? If not, make a rota allocating tasks
  • dog classes or a dog behaviourist - might be expensive but so worth it if you can nail the separation anxiety

MyGoMargot · 16/05/2021 07:40

Screens - make a rule that you’re happy with and stick to it

At mine it’s no PlayStation Mon - Weds

After school Thurs and Fri until 6 (if they’re home)

Weekends more relaxed


Putyourdamnshoeson · 16/05/2021 07:45

To be honest, that is pretty much what we do re screens. It's the more relaxed at weekends bit I struggle with. Feels like a cop out. I used to do fun things with them. I have to accept that they're older and I have less time in week to get stuff done. You're right.
Yes, I keep thinking about help with the dog. Although we are yet to try much ourselves. Again, I'm the driver for everything, if I dont push or demand it doesnt get done.
The rota is an excellent idea. Thank you.

OP posts:

CoRhona · 16/05/2021 07:50

Personally the thing I didn't miss at all during lockdown was the haring around taking kids to activities, friends' house etc.

It is starting up again but is a slow start, thankfully (for me, not for them; purely liking at this from a 'taxi' perspective Grin).


CoRhona · 16/05/2021 07:51

Looking not liking!


MyGoMargot · 16/05/2021 07:53

My 11yr old is screen fixated, I really know where you’re coming from. It does my head in too. But amongst peers and my friends with DC it seems within normal parameters...

I reckon if you get the dog issue sorted your life will improve immeasurably - you’ll feel a bit more liberated at least and life can return to being a bit more spontaneous again. Money well spent I reckon... I say this as a dog owner who has been through the puppy stage Smile


TiltTopTable · 16/05/2021 08:01

Your anxiety doesn't seem connected to the easing of lockdown, it's about having a lazy husband and a dog that needs training and probably a lot more exercise than it's getting. So many people like the idea of a dog but resent the reality of the huge responsibility having a dog entails. If you can't give it the time and energy it needs, then honestly it would be better off being rehomed to someone who can.

Put together a rota for housework and dog care/training, one that includes the children. We had one when I was a child and it worked well. If you can afford a cleaner for a few hours a week then do it. Maybe even pay for a dog walker?


Putyourdamnshoeson · 16/05/2021 08:08

I'd say my husband isn't lazy. But he sort of is. He crafts business. He had a long time of working in a stressful, busy job, with a sahm on hand to do everything. Over the last 4 years, I've been building hours up. But the ft boom, combined with homeschool has been full on.

The dog gets three walks a day! Dh usually does 2, one very long and one 45 mins or so. She does a 2 mile school run with me. She is being hugely over exercised for a 6 month old puppy! She chills at home and is lovely but ridiculously clingy. I've had a dog before, but he was a terrier, largely disinterested in my existence!
I do need to get the separation anxiety sorted. I just feel so lost. Lockdown has not helped present opportunities for alone time for her.

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?