Aibu to ask for a hand hold

keelyboo · 2021-05-16T02:58:55+00:00

In a&e again...dd suspected overdose she says she took up to 20 paracetamol but I dont know. History of mental health and spent 3 months this year in a mental health unit I'm so tired shouldering this all alone and my youngest dd turns 6 today and not looking like we will leave hospital before she wakes up in fact if she's took enough we will be here at least 24 hours from test results for treatment meaning I'll miss her whole birthday. Plus if we do go home I will after no sleep last night have to get up every hour to do a safety check tonight. I'm exhausted and her dad all he can do is send me nasty texts on how did I let this happen, probably because I'm exhausted from doing all this alone while he's had her one over night in the last 5 weeks. I know I fucked up by not putting the pills back in the locked cupboard trust me I'm beating myself up enough about it. I'm angry too angry she did it and im going to miss dd birthday, and I know iabu to be angry so please no hate but I have no one to talk to while we wait for the results

RainyDay2020 · 16/05/2021 04:02

Although your DD can’t help being ill you have every right to be angry. Sad for your younger DD on her birthday too.
I’m sorry I’ve no helpful answers other than to offer you that handhold, wine/tea and big hugs (don’t care if it’s ‘unmumsnetty’)

Original poster

keelyboo · 16/05/2021 04:04

@RainyDay2020

Although your DD can’t help being ill you have every right to be angry. Sad for your younger DD on her birthday too. I’m sorry I’ve no helpful answers other than to offer you that handhold, wine/tea and big hugs (don’t care if it’s ‘unmumsnetty’)

Thank you, i feel guilty for feeling angry but her actions have consequences for us all and its hard to stop it affecting the others its just one big long nightmare and I dont see an end to it

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ThreeLocusts · 16/05/2021 06:19

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Your anger is understandable.

I did something similar to your daughter's act once and my mum was livid, and desperate. What saved my mental health, and in the long term our relationship, was me moving out. Spent the last year of secondary school living above a bakery. Any chance it would help if you two disentangle your lives?

The dad is a twat, mine was the same. Asking what my mum had done wrong when he hadn't taken a day's responsibility. Honestly.

All the best to you and your daughter.

tensmum1964 · 16/05/2021 06:23

Sorry that you are going through this. A hand hold and virtual hugs from me. Anger is a completely normal reaction. Dealing with this type of thing is draining and emotionally crippling especially when you have other children to care for.

Rainbowqueeen · 16/05/2021 06:23

I’m sorry OP. Do you have any family who can support you?
As for DDs dad can you send him one message saying you will be in touch when there’s any news (unless of course he would like to come and swop places with you which he is most welcome to do as he is so concerned) then just not ready any more of his messages.

BigGreen · 16/05/2021 09:08

I'm so sorry. I understand why you are angry. However I know my DS aged 6 is quite relaxed about which exact day he gets fussed over. (In lockdown we did Boss Day Birthday where he got to choose whatever he did). I'm sure you can still have a lovely birthday celebration with your DD.

Have you got any good friends or relatives that could help you in this really difficult situation? When my DH had a mental health crisis I just froze and tried to cope alone. I wish I'd called out for help from anywhere and everywhere. It's just so emotionally taxing. And you need looking after too. I'm just sending you all the love I can, and your eldest DD I hope there's no lasting damage at that dose.

Original poster

keelyboo · 16/05/2021 17:04

Thanks everyone shes still refusing to come home. I came home saw dd open presents tried to have a nice time with her but had to nip back to the hospital twice and she was distraught when they then rang the 3rd time. I managed an hours sleep and the social worker is coming with me for a camhs crisis meeting but they want me to bring her home despite her saying if they send her home with me she will just do it again what do they expect me to do stay up watching her all night after only having an hours sleep in over 24 hours.

I'm not coping but their only solution seems to be just send her home. This has been going on over a year now and I'm so worn out and I hate how it's affecting my other 3 children.

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Original poster

keelyboo · 16/05/2021 17:07

I should add all my family are nearly 300 miles away my friends are helping where they can but all have their own lives/children etc so it's more a listening ear kind of help when I need him watching overnight so I can sleep peacefully and not wondering if I've forgotten anything she could hurt herself with

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tensmum1964 · 16/05/2021 17:53

It really does sound like she may need to be admitted to a CAMHS Unit. I know it is really hard to do but you must refuse to take her home on the grounds that you can not keep her safe. They really can't make you take her home because of the risks. Such a heartbreaking situation. I really feel for you.

Flowerlane · 16/05/2021 18:00

So sorry you and your family are going through this.

What about instead of sending nasty text messages her dad steps up and comes and sits with her at the hospital or take her home to his house?

I would refuse to leave the hospital with her as obviously she needs help. Tell them you will not be taking her home under the current circumstances so they need to admit her. Know that’s easier said then done but if you refuse to take her home then they will have to do something.

Mowzy · 16/05/2021 18:08

Can you ask that she be sectioned?

FelicityPike · 16/05/2021 18:14

@Flowerlane

So sorry you and your family are going through this.

What about instead of sending nasty text messages her dad steps up and comes and sits with her at the hospital or take her home to his house?

I would refuse to leave the hospital with her as obviously she needs help. Tell them you will not be taking her home under the current circumstances so they need to admit her. Know that’s easier said then done but if you refuse to take her home then they will have to do something.

This. Sadly. How old is she OP? How far away is her dad? Do they have a decent relationship?

recklessgran · 16/05/2021 18:15

OP, PLEASE refuse to take her home for your own sake as well as hers. The authorities have a duty of care towards your daughter and sending her home with you is the easiest option for them but definitely not the best option for you or your DD. Do not allow yourself to be bullied in to this. Give them her father's phone number/details if need be but stand firm yourself. They will simply have to find the funding to help her and unfortunately that is what all this is about. Money. I am also sending you a hug and a hand hold.

Original poster

keelyboo · 16/05/2021 18:25

She is 15, her relationship with dad varies on how she is feeling but he refuses contact with her sister (my eldest hes her dad too) so it's strained due to those dynamics.

She was in a cahms unit for 3 months at the start of this year, we were making progress and now back to square one with no real reason as to why.
We have this meeting at 8pm the social worker is coming with me and agrees with me that right now her coming home is detrimental to my other children and my own mental health as Im at breaking point so I think they may admit her again, I can request she is sectioned yes I dont want to but I may have to to force their hand.

Her father finds it easier to pin blame and stick is head in the sand like I say he stopped seeing dd1 2 years ago so he's never been father of the year and I try to brush off the accusations and insults

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FelicityPike · 16/05/2021 21:28

Keeping you all in my thoughts.

seriouslystressedoutmama · 16/05/2021 21:33

@keelyboo this seems like an awful lot for one person to be dealing with. Do you have support in real life?

The poor kid must be at her wits end. I hope you both get the support and care you both need

Candleabra · 16/05/2021 21:39

So sorry for you. It is not appropriate safeguarding to make you solely responsible for being hypervigilant to avert any possible danger. You can't watch her all the time. I hope you get the support you both need.

TAmumto3 · 16/05/2021 21:41

I have been in the same position.... DD had been in patient in a CAMHS unit twice when she took a life threatening paracetamol overdose. She had to have the antidote treatment through a drip for 24 hours. Thankfully, the hospital protocol meant she had a dedicated psychiatric nurse with her after the first few hours. A crisis meeting was called - she explained clearly she had no intention of staying safe and had already ordered more paracetamol from Amazon! We refused to have her home as we couldn’t keep her safe and because of our other children. I signed the papers for a 72 hour section and have done that more than once.

To encourage you - she was 16 then and is 20 now, away at university and doing really well. The years between 14 and 17 were very traumatic. She has ASD, ADD and GAD but has grown up and accepted who she is - she just couldn’t cope with being a teenager. Sending you lots of love and sympathy - I know how hard it is x

Original poster

keelyboo · 16/05/2021 23:07

@TAmumto3

I have been in the same position.... DD had been in patient in a CAMHS unit twice when she took a life threatening paracetamol overdose. She had to have the antidote treatment through a drip for 24 hours. Thankfully, the hospital protocol meant she had a dedicated psychiatric nurse with her after the first few hours. A crisis meeting was called - she explained clearly she had no intention of staying safe and had already ordered more paracetamol from Amazon! We refused to have her home as we couldn’t keep her safe and because of our other children. I signed the papers for a 72 hour section and have done that more than once.

To encourage you - she was 16 then and is 20 now, away at university and doing really well. The years between 14 and 17 were very traumatic. She has ASD, ADD and GAD but has grown up and accepted who she is - she just couldn’t cope with being a teenager. Sending you lots of love and sympathy - I know how hard it is x

Thank you its good to hear positive outcomes. The crisis team never turned up so I left her in the ward and have just got home I refused to take her they said its best and like previous poster said I've been hearing a lot today sheer shock that her safety plan is all geared to one person's responsibility the mental health liason said its disgusting and she cant believe I'm still standing after 2.5 months of this enough enough for her own safety she cant come home she clearly said if they make her she will do it again so back tomorrow where hopefully crisis team will turn up and we can work out what to do with her looking likely at a section though

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RainyDay2020 · 17/05/2021 12:32

Hope you managed to at least get some rest last night if not sleep.
I hope the crisis team get their act together and sort something out where she can stay in hospital/a unit as that sounds like the best thing for her right now. You are all in my thoughts.

Candleabra · 17/05/2021 14:59

You've done the right thing. Sometimes saying no is the hardest thing, but it's the only way to access the support.