No one ever invites me back

[RoseWrites]

I'm late 30s, and I've had a big group of friends all my life.
I moved 300 miles away to live with my now husband. Before the move, I had an active social life, I saw friends every day, had people over and went to theirs, met in pubs and clubs, and was barely at home.
Since I moved I've spent 5 years trying to make friends in my new city. It has been hard. There.have been moments when I've felt like I've met a friend, but mainly I feel like I'm constantly making all the.effort.
It's really taking a toll.
This afternoon I was invited out for a lunch in a pub. I thought it would be fun. It was but it was also hugely apparent that everyone had been meeting up over lockdown and all the husbands had become best friends. I had never met the husbands or been invited to anyone's house.
I feel so low.
I'm unsure how to keep up the enthusiasm of having dinner parties which people happily attend but never reciprocate. Particularly when they all have them without me.
I know I'm not terrible company as I have loads of friends in my old city who I'd see all the time.
Where am I going wrong here? I'm at such a low ebb that I'm worrying the only option is leaving my husband and moving which seems ridiculous, but I can't go through life with no friends.
What do i do?
Please be kind as I'm so low right now

I feel the same OP - I'm a "second tier" friend to lots of people.

My work friends are just work friends. Lost touch with old friends who HAVE made new good friends in their new areas.

My NCT group all dissipated across the county.

Two of my closer friends are BFF with each other and go back decades so I always feel like the outsider.

I just try not to think of the lack of invites / things I've missed out on and instead focus on what I want.

I think who are the people I like and enjoy the company of? - and try to see more of them. That's my only focus, not who they see outside of that or how many invites I (don't) get back.

Still shitty, but at least I'm seeing people I like.

Do simpler, shorter one to ones - maybe a dog walk, quick coffee to - aim to build a wide range of individual acquaintances that some will slowly develop into friendships over time.

It is hard to break into groups that have long histories and often people have such full lives already. I have accumulated loads of friends over the decades from school, uni, different jobs, hobbies, NCT, nursery, schools, kids sports (x4!), volunteering, neighbours and that’s before large family.....maybe that’s how you accumulated your friends in your hometown - it’s takes decades ....

I’ve felt like this OP many times. I’ve moved around a lot because of my job and quite a few times I’ve felt the way you do now.

I think that as you get older, people become lazier about making friends, so it’s more difficult. It’s worse if you move to a city where people tend to come from surrounding areas, so have friends from school, uni and work built up over decades.

It tends to be easier if people are looking to make friends at the same time as everyone else - starting a uni course, having a baby, starting a job at same time etc.

Some people are also just dickheads. I think some people get territorial about their ‘clique’ and don’t like new members. I’ve definitely noticed frostiness from the odd person in established groups, even when others are welcoming. Is that a possibility with this friendship group?

I’d say don’t take it personally. I’d also say persevere. Start a hobby you enjoy, but don’t put pressure on yourself to make friends. Eventually your luck will change and you’ll find yourself bumping into some lovely people.