To have run away from ex friend?

[LittleBlackSox]

Today I met a family member for coffee, I went inside to place the order and there were people in front of me being served. The woman serving them then spoke loudly to another member of staff so I just automatically looked over and realised the woman serving was my ex friend (with mask on it hadn’t clicked straight away) - and I ran out the cafe and family member went in to order instead. I don’t think she saw me.

Background of the fallout, group of friends from school, got to our early 20s and I was definitely the runt of the friend group - always made to feel stupid and ugly. I fell out with one due to her saying she would no longer be going out with me now she had a boyfriend. Then Queen Bee of the group then invited all but me to her baby’s christening.

Then the ex friend today had a birthday party and didn’t invite me either despite us still being friends, posted all the photos of it so knew I would see and when confronted said it was because it would cause an atmosphere. We then were invited to the same wedding (5 years ago) and didn’t say a word to each other.

Thankfully I’ve since moved on from all the pettiness and have lovely friends now but my instinct was literally to panic, turn around and run.

I don't think you were wrong to avoid speaking to her.
If you had allowed her presence somewhere to stop you doing something important like apply for a job or see a doctor I'd say you should push past the instinctive flight response and get on with it.
But it was coffee and your companion could go in instead so you didn't even miss out on that.
Maybe the bigger picture might be to look at your instinctive responses in general and decide if you want to train yourself out of running if it's how you approach everything hard.
But why make a Saturday more difficult or stressful than necessary?
She may have served you with no hint of recognition but you couldn't know that.

You’re right. I think it was the fear of how awkward it would be (she couldn’t be rude I guess as I would have been a customer).

She would have definitely recognised me, we went through all of primary and secondary school together as a friend group and then remained in the same group for 7 years until I walked away.

I agree with M0rT, YANBU to leave.

It’s fight or flight, and your brain was telling you to leave.

I'd have blanked her to be honest and feigned ignorance of who she was, but it's a kind of fight or flight instinct. We all react differently!

Everyone I know has at some point ducked into the nearest shop to avoid someone they no longer wish to speak to.

I once spoke a second language all evening to avoid the person at the next table noticing me. The restaurant was packed and I only noticed them after a few minutes. 8 million people in London and he had to be in the same restaurant.

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Everyone I know has at some point ducked into the nearest shop to avoid someone they no longer wish to speak to.

Yup!

MN ogre has people telling you to put your big girl pants on and stand up to her but honestly, I find that can be quite unrealistic especially in situations like this. No scene cause, you don’t need to know what would have happened if she serves you as she’s not in your life anymore.

Hell, I’ve done it even with people I haven’t got any beef with just because I’m not in a good place.

Who is MN ogre?

My DH saw his ex- when working (in a public building) and hid in a toilet until the coast was clear!

@mainsfed

Who is MN ogre?

😂 I think that word was meant to be “often”

We've hidden - as a family 😂 - in Next, to avoid our landlord who was approaching down the street! We just nipped in and hid behind a rail of clothes!