Am I the crazy one here

[Maxiemoo10]

Honestly I don’t know where to write this, I feel like I’m going crazy right now sat in my car bawling my eyes out.

Just had an argument with my bf of 3 years, he had a few drinks the other evening and sent me some texts that were not very nice, I’ll keep it brief but blaming me for certain things called me manipulative, time waster etc.
I replied back with this seems like something that would be a much better conversation rather than texts try and get some sleep and we can chat tomorrow.
Instead of doing that he launched into more stuff about me (I guessed at this point from his spelling he’d been drinking) so he told me that I’d given him a brush off. I said no it’s me settling down a drunk man for the evening trying to avoid an argument but will discuss it tomorrow on the phone (he’s working away currently so we’re 3 hours apart)

Instead of that being that it turned into a day long argument that just ended up in him screaming down the phone at me calling me a bitch because I should have known he was just having a bad day and I should have backed down and backed off him and not answered anything back at all. Apparently I almost drove him to commit suicide last night because I didn’t back down and that he’d wished he had so I would finally take some responsibility for my actions.

Trust me when I read these type of things I usually go oh for gods sake woman get a grip why can’t you see he’s a twat. And I do believe I’m in the right mind to believe I didn’t do anything wrong I should not be used as an emotional punchbag just because someone is having a bad day and I’ll certainly always stick up for myself.

But when they talk to you the way they do and it makes me think I’m crazy I’m sitting here my brain everywhere trying to think am I the crazy one for standing up for myself? Should I have just left him and soothed him down?

He said I could have easily settled this by telling him I loved him - after he’d given me a few texts of abuse? But he called me the abuser.
I’m going crazy right now and I just need to hear from someone else I did right or not?

He actually sent me a photo of a gun next to bullets. Who in their right mind does that

Pathetic little attention seekers, that's who.

You aren’t crazy. He’s abusive and emotionally manipulative. Time to end it OP.

Well done for posting here and getting confirmation for your gut instinct.

You would be the crazy one here to stick with him after this. As you've dumped and blocked him, you aren't.

No Thankyou to all. I really felt like I was having a panic attack earlier. They really manage to get inside my head like that.

What’s funny is I don’t feel sad right now, maybe I will in a few days but I feel like I’m finally free. This has happened so many times and I’ve always apologised to keep the peace but with each incident my attention was waning and now I’m at the point where I wonder what was wrong with me for continuing it so long as I did.

Thanks for setting my mind straight anyway I really do appreciate it

What a complete fucker. Awful for you. Please keep him blocked Maxiemoo

Re understanding his need for an apology, it is often as ‘simple’ -appallingly abusive- as him using you or his exW to stop his self loathing, rage and self blame turning to suicidal thoughts. You are to blame, not him, so it’s all ok. He’s not bad. There, there, all magicked away. That’s it. Scary and utterly false and fragile. And an abhorrent tactic to use someone as a scapegoat to ensure your own personal survival. Men like him require a parasitic/ co dependent punch bag relationship. Almost akin to killing someone slowly IMO. Please don’t let that be you. He needs serious therapy if he’s ever to achieve semblance of change.

So glad you feel free and strong now. Please do stay away from him, especially in a few days time when things tend to catch up. Come back to this thread if you have any wobbles 🌸

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Call the police to do a welfare check and explain he sent that photo to you and you are concerned. This will stop his behaviour towards you escalating at the very least.

Well done for getting away op

Seconding this. The police will call at his address. This should stop this kind of nonsense from him.

There is also a remote possibility that he may not be in his right mind and try to do something stupid.

Please do not give in regardless of what he does to get your attention, and please be careful as sometimes after a break up people like this can become scary/threatening/violent. Call the police if you feel threatened.

I was in a relationship with someone that sounds just like this person. At the time I thought he was unwell and needed help so I put up with behaviour like this for much longer than I should have thinking I'd be able to "help." When I finally ended it he began to harrass and stalk me and made me so scared and uncomfortable. He continued to contact me for years after the break up telling me I was affecting his mental health, threatening suicide, etc. despite no response from me and attempts to block all forms of communication. I literally cannot believe I lived with and trusted this person as now I find him really scary!

You don't need drama like this in your life. I literally get goosebumps when I think about what my life would have been like if we'd have stayed together. My current relationship with my husband couldn't be more different. Don't waste any more time with him. You will look back at this relationship in shock you put up with it for so long!

I mean, the relationships dead either way right? Either you've driven him to the point of suicide in which case he's better off without you, or he's faking it all and you're not going to listen to any more from him are you?

Lucky escape - imagine 40 years with a man like this. Better to know now and get on with your life.

The only crazy thing is you're still with him. Give him the flick

Sorry OP ... but you need to tell him to FUCK OFF and when he comes back tell him to FUCK OFF again. This is his issue not yours. If you finish this now you will be liberated and if you stay you will have a life time of feeling responsible for his every emotion and subsequent action. It is not you that is crazy x

The good news here is that he's "only" a boyfriend, and you are presumably not linked to him in any permanent ways.
Get rid. You do not need someone like this in your life.

You need to be very clear it's over and not to contact you again or get into long discussions over the phone/in real life/or over text

You MUST keep yourself safe

Block him