I’ve started hating weekends

[Nats1984]

All week I’m exceptionally stressed out, I don’t particularly enjoy what I do, it causes me anxiety and I’m constantly suffering with imposter syndrome and feel like I shouldn’t do what I do as I’m not good enough. I don’t enjoy mornings , my little one is an absolute pain in the arse to get ready for school, when he comes home he’s overtired and emotional so he plays up something awful. I get punched , bitten etc hes only 4 but he’s massive for his age and it hurts. So between having zero positivity during the week and the fact that I’ve not had a single night off or evening out since he was born I should look forward to a weekend where I can chill out, read a book, watch a film or whatever. Every weekend without fail DS gets up in the middle of the night and plays up, during the day he mucks about with drinks, spilling stuff, pours crisps on the floor, will flood the bathroom if not supervised constantly I always have shit loads of housework to do and having everyone here all day doubles it. I cry at least once every weekend because of the noise, the stress , the mess and the same awful kids tv rattling in my ears 20 hours a day. I’d 100 % rather be at work. Obviously I’d most like to be in bed but it’s never gonna happen work would be better than home though. Can you even get weekend childcare? I’d happily do that. Am I alone in absolutely despising weekend/ family time?

You say your OH is a total pushover, but I disagree. It sounds like he knows exactly what he's doing - minimal housework and childcare.

This. You say you're the only one in the home to do cleaning... why?! Why do your DH and adult DD think that's your job and your job only?

@RosieLeaLovesTea the OP says she can't handle taking the child out, it's unreasonable to force her other child into that situation

It sounds like you could also do some support, because (while the financial limitations are of course reasonable) it sounds like anxiety would prevent you getting a cleaner if money permitted. That directly limits your own well-being, given your health issues and being at the end of your tether with your son. I’d definitely recommend asking to be referred for some support, because expanding your social circle will benefit everybody in the long run. This is especially true in the aftermath of your operation.

Oh I think because they both work full time and my jobs flexible and doesn’t even look like work to them ( it’s a creative business) people seem to think I have a really easy time of it but I stopped enjoying it a couple years ago. I’m proud and stubborn so I tend to try and put on a bit of a show to make it look like I’m coping better than I am. DH does all the errands that require driving, the bins , all physical shopping etc. DD only eats and sleeps at home 3 nights a week on average between work stop overs and boyfriends flat. I do a lot of laundry for her though. I don’t think it’s too unfair , I will be hiring a gardener though when we move. Just don’t like the idea of anyone indoors .

user1471457751
He’s quite good for her. She copes fine because she’s young and fit and he likes her so does as he’s told .

I’m proud and stubborn so I tend to try and put on a bit of a show to make it look like I’m coping better than I am.

I say this gently as I have a friend just like this and I have to remind her that when she says she's too proud to ask for help or to pull up others on not contributing (as them doing some cleaning shouldn't be seen as 'helping' you - it's their home too!), she's actually being a martyr!

sergeilavrov
I get what you’re saying. I’m socially very lazy. I have lots of people I chat to online and invite me to things but I just don’t want to do it. I used to love swimming. But preferred to go on my own. All my interests are solo activities. Always been a bit of a loner. I like DH we get on really well and laugh a lot when the boy is asleep or whatever. I just don’t feel the need to be around others and I find other peoples kids excruciating. I’m only mid thirties but I’m like an 80yr old. Rather read a book than be around young noisy people. I think being a teenage mum accelerated the aging process for me , I was middle aged at 22 :)

@user1471457751. The older child is an adult who could be asked to help a bit more - also if she rook the child out with her boyfriend there would be 2 adults. It seems he is well behaved when out with other sand at school. But the OP finds it difficult to manage him because of her health issues and she does not drive.

Your adult daughter is a credit to you OP. She has done very well to save £30k since leaving school. But I don’t think there would be any harm is saying you need a bit of extra help until you have the operation or your health is better.

@RosieLeaLovesTea

Your adult daughter is a credit to you OP. She has done very well to save £30k since leaving school. But I don’t think there would be any harm is saying you need a bit of extra help until you have the operation or your health is better.

Absolutely this - in fact I would have felt incredibly sad if my mum was struggling so much and hadn't asked me for help. She might be pleased you feel able to do so'

Yea she is amazing. She had a crap start in life with a clueless teenage mum and her dad booted me out at 4 months pregnant and disappeared not bothering to meet her till she was 8. And that’s only because his parents pushed him. She is so grounded and smart and confident, everything I’ve never been, yes she would do more . I think I’m a bit ridiculous really, I hate asking for anything. I spent 4 weeks putting a kitchen together once, it was difficult and kept going wrong and I had to have the water off etc etc we have 2 carpenters and a builder in the family... but you know... I’m mental and just prefer doing it myself.

It sounds like you're doing a great job of coping in a tough situation.

Looking forward, when your DD gets a flat she may be able to take your DS off you for a bit to give you a break.

I'd suggest going out and doing something with your DS. It's really hard if your mobility makes that hard, are there any ways around it, such as a mobility scooter?

@Nats1984

Yea she is amazing. She had a crap start in life with a clueless teenage mum and her dad booted me out at 4 months pregnant and disappeared not bothering to meet her till she was 8. And that’s only because his parents pushed him. She is so grounded and smart and confident, everything I’ve never been, yes she would do more . I think I’m a bit ridiculous really, I hate asking for anything. I spent 4 weeks putting a kitchen together once, it was difficult and kept going wrong and I had to have the water off etc etc we have 2 carpenters and a builder in the family... but you know... I’m mental and just prefer doing it myself.

Well she's a testament to you as a mum and she sounds wonderful! So enjoy the fact you've raised a lovely, smart young woman and be honest with her that you are under a lot of pressure and things like contributing more to cooking / cleaning etc would take a huge weight off you and improve your mental health.

Same re your DH too though he may not be as receptive and as you're feeling desperate I would speak to your daughter ASAP. I would have been so pleased if my mum admitted she needed some help when I was that age, the thought of her feeling really low would have made me upset especially if she had felt she couldn't tell me.