Neighbour's cigarette smoke

[Zizi91]

Sorry this is a long one. I'm hoping for some advice, I'm not trying to cause trouble just reached the end of my tether. I know also in reality is not a massive issue or could be so much worse but it is really causing me a lot of upset.

Just to add as a context when I was younger I suffered through issues with my family members having alcoholism and using cigarette smoke as a way of bullying me (they knew I hated it and would constantly invite drunk 'friends' over and they would all sit outside mine and my siblings bedrooms drinking and smoking cigarettes and weed as I tried to sleep flinging the bedroom door open and sit there laughing about it as it distressed me) so this experience below definitely feels like it is touching on the past trauma I've experienced. I have had counselling in the past for this, and have dealt with this, but the trauma is still there as it happened and it's not going to just go away with more counselling etc. Although I have started to consider getting more counselling as this is really getting me down.

My partner and I recently brought our first home together last summer. It is a lovely maisonette flat, with two other flats below on the ground and then first floor. When we moved we didn't realised our neighbour directly below us on the first floor smoked. As we'd only recently moved in we didn't want to cause issues so we just really well sealed up our front door which has helped to some extend. The neighbour is generally quite pleasant, when we see him about, but I believe there is some sort of drug taking/buying/selling going on as he has people over all throughout the night which we can hear as the front door and his door is always slamming so I'm a bit scared of him. He has also had parties since we moved in (obviously not Covid compliant), and the cigarette and weed smell has been awful. Things were relatively ok at the start when we moved, but since the ground floor neighbours moved out things have been getting worse and worse with the smell of his cigarette smoke in the share hallway (particularly around our front door as it is a section of restricted airflow) and also seeps through our front door into the rest of our flat and through the floorboards into our living room/kitchen.

I'm early days pregnant, and I know with the pregnancy hormones my sense of smell is properly better than it was, but it seems that the smell of smoke is getting way worse every week. I pretty much spend my entire time in our bedroom on the top floor where is a bearable, and can't spend time in our kitchen/living room/downstairs bedroom/study because of the smell of second-hand smoke literally makes me sick. It's pretty miserable as I'm still WFH and will be for the foreseeable future so don't get any variety in space in or out of the flat at all. Our flat is pretty small and we have indoor cats that need the option of space to roam around the flat if they want, so closing doors to rooms isn't really a solution as it isn't fair on them and would stop us using our home as normal.

Around a month or so ago I spoke to the neighbour and said the second-hand smoke was getting into our flat and could he consider sealing his front door to stop it escaping his flat and maybe opening a window when we smokes, and offered the left over things we had to do our front door. He seemed receptive and said he would roll up a piece of carpet at the bottom of his front door to stop it escaping, and I noticed he started opening his window a little which I'd never seen him do before, he also told me he barely smokes so didn't know why it was happening. I hate any sort of confrontation so it was a massive deal for me to speak to him about this and was as nice as possible about it. Initially things improved and I was able to start using the kitchen/living room again, but after a week or so it just went back to what it was, and the last few weeks it has got way way worse I think because he's been having more people over and they come through the shared hall with lit cigarettes. There is a no smoking in this premise sign, but they don't seem to pay attention to this.

I always have the window opposite our front door wide open and for a while was using a fan outside our front door to try and blow the smoke away from our door. And I brought a massive, expensive air purifier for our flat which I sure isn't the cheapest thing to run. I also brought a plug-in air fresher to put in the shared hallway which helped for a bit, but it's not a perfect solution, and now the smell of smoke is even overpowering this now, plus I know the air freshener is only covering it not getting rid of the dangerous second-hand smoke.

I've been feeling like I was going mad as can constantly smell the smoke in my home, our sofa stinks so I barely sit on it anymore. It has upset me so much as I feel like I'm being gaslit to feel like I'm going mad after he said that he barely smokes and that it is just my hormones, but equally I know the dangers of second-hand smoke I don't want my baby to have increased risk of SIDs and asthma etc. all because the neighbour/neighbour's friends being inconsiderate. Just to add also the baby will initially be in our room upstairs for the first 6+ months, but the plan was for bedroom/study downstairs will be turned into a guest room/study and nursery for the baby which but this room floor is the neighbour's ceiling so the smoke will likely be seeping into this room too. Now this doesn't seem like a sensible option and we'll all be in the same bedroom until we move.

I'm not sure what else I can do other than move and the last few weeks I've just been constantly searching to move which is sad as we've been doing up the flat and really hoped we'd be here for a good few years. I know the neighbour rents and I got in touch with the estate agents to check if smoking is permitted in their premise and they said it is. I could contact the council about nuisance smoke or the freehold company for our flat block but I feel like this will inevitably cause issue between us and the neighbour which I really don't want and don't want him to have any negative consequences, and realistically I'm not sure there is much any of them can do anyway. Equally I don't feel like my flat is even somewhere I can enjoy, feeling comfortable in or feel safe in anymore.

Please know I'm not saying he shouldn't smoke in his flat, although that would be great if he didn't, it is his flat and his decision, I just want him to be considerate that the shared hallway stinks and that it seeps from his flat through the floorboards, and that his actions are affecting and damaging others' health.

Should I just accept that this is what it is and if it makes me so unhappy just move? Due to various reasons it will be difficult and expensive to move, especially when I'll be looking a going on maternity leave in the near future so need to save as much as possible and I'm scared of running into the same problem or worse again, plus we really loved this flat and it's our first home together so it breaks my heart to feel like we'll have to leave it so soon.

I do feel for you OP as I found the cigarette smell particularly nauseous when I was pregnant, but as you say I don't know what else you can do.
You spoke to the neighbour and he has taken some reasonable steps to reduce the smell which he really didn't have to do. But ultimately he is entitled to smoke in his own home.

Realistically- what else do you think you can do?

It’s not nice at all but he’s done things to help prevent it, which he didn’t have to really.
He’s entitled to smoke and I don’t think the council etc would do anything with it being allowed.
Only option would be to move.

Sorry but I think you need to move to a house in a cheaper area. If you move to another flat this could just happen again. I do appreciate why you're upset, cigarette smoke gets everywhere.

It would also drive me mad OP. Unless there's a chance he'll move himself then I'd be putting the flat on the market. If you can't actually enjoy living there then what the point!

I don't know why but weed smoking seems to have become the 'thing' to do everywhere. I won't go into the long term health issues as everyone seems convinced it's harmless. I have a vaper one side and weed the other. I just open the windows and use reed diffusers. Im asthmatic so sprays are out as they really affect me as do those plug-in ones. It isn't easy, but at least your neighbour has tried to be considerate. Not much more you can do. I feel for you as the smell is awful. I think after Lockdown we will be a nation of weed smokers. I've even seen people smoking it out walking.

Sorry but I think the only solution is to move.

While smoke is horrible, I'd rather a weed smoker neighbour than a raging alcoholic.

I think what I'm upset about is he made an effort for a period of time, but he's stopped as it has got worse than it was before so it's gaslit me into sounding like I'm a horrible person and he's a wonderful, nice who made a change for all of 5 seconds.

Sell and move.

There is little your neighbour can do other than stop smoking which he is absolutely entitled to do in his own home. Moving sounds like the only option, but even then if you are moving to another flat you are likely to hit the same problem again.

@Zizi91

I think what I'm upset about is he made an effort for a period of time, but he's stopped as it has got worse than it was before so it's gaslit me into sounding like I'm a horrible person and he's a wonderful, nice who made a change for all of 5 seconds.

To be honest he is quite within his rights to do whatever he wants in his flat. If he wants to smoke in it he can. If it bothers you then you need to move.

I'd sell up and move. Try to get a house or ground floor flat.

Are you sure you arent exaggerating a bit op? Blocks if maisonettes have solid concrete floors so I doubt its seeping through the floor. Or out of his front door and all the way in to your entire house.

I'm not even sure moving is going to help because you can't control the smells coming from your neighbour's homes, no matter where you live.

Unfortunately, smells are part of communal living but I do feel for you.

@3Britness we live in a 1800s Victorian house, that has been converted into flats. Unfortunately they did not have the same standards of building as we do now, so smells and sounds do travel more. The maisonette is directly above his flat, and we share a communal hallway so yes the smoke does travel into the hallway and through the floorboards it is particularly bad where the kitchen cabinets/sink plumbing is so make I can seal gaps under the cabinets and around pipes and electrical sockets.

Thank you everyone for the supportive comments. I appreciate those that have sympathised with the situation, as for many, including myself due to trauma as a child as I explained, it can be unbearable to live with a smell that literally gets into everything.

I will look further into the possibilities of moving.

[quote Zizi91]@3Britness we live in a 1800s Victorian house, that has been converted into flats. Unfortunately they did not have the same standards of building as we do now, so smells and sounds do travel more. The maisonette is directly above his flat, and we share a communal hallway so yes the smoke does travel into the hallway and through the floorboards it is particularly bad where the kitchen cabinets/sink plumbing is so make I can seal gaps under the cabinets and around pipes and electrical sockets.

Thank you everyone for the supportive comments. I appreciate those that have sympathised with the situation, as for many, including myself due to trauma as a child as I explained, it can be unbearable to live with a smell that literally gets into everything.

I will look further into the possibilities of moving.[/quote]
Then you need a detached house. Why buy where you did if stuff like this is such an issue? Flats obviously aren't for you op.

I really sympathise. I hate the smell of cigarette smoking and also have a strong sense of smell. I’d find that hard, and I don’t have your back history.

But he is not gaslighting you. That description belongs to a very different sort of behaviour. He is a polite guy who has done something to help that either wasn’t enough, or maybe he didn’t persevere. That’s not gaslighting. His telling you he doesn’t smoke that much is not gaslighting you either. It’s so subjective; he might be in denial about his level of smoking, or he might be minimising out of embarrassment. Or you might have become a bit obsessive about it. Really none of that is important though.

What is important is that you recognise there is nothing else you can do about his smoking (I don’t think you should speak to him again unless he mentions it first), so either learn to live with it (would CBT help?) or move house.

I really wish you well.

@3Britnee it didn't smell at the time of buying plus yes people get caught up on the excitement of buying their first home and wanting it to be nice. I'm guilty of that but don't feel like I should be blamed for someone else's actions causing
me upset. I think I just thought that every other flat I have lived in in my adult life my neighbours have been reasonable and considerate. Unfortunately I didn't think that past traumas would be touched upon when we were looking around at places to buy. I fully agree I would love to buy a detached house, but money is a limiting factor. We live in an area where unfortunately the majority are is all flats and it's very few and far between houses let alone detached ones.

I appreciate why you are upset. That must be so hard to live with. Have you tried a really powerful air purifier? My son has bad hayfever and I got him a Dyson air purifier. They aren't cheap (but cheaper than moving house!) and it really helped his hayfever. Once when I left his window open when there was a bonfire nearby his room smelt very strongly of smoke and it cleared the smell in about 10 minutes.

[quote Zizi91]@3Britnee it didn't smell at the time of buying plus yes people get caught up on the excitement of buying their first home and wanting it to be nice. I'm guilty of that but don't feel like I should be blamed for someone else's actions causing
me upset. I think I just thought that every other flat I have lived in in my adult life my neighbours have been reasonable and considerate. Unfortunately I didn't think that past traumas would be touched upon when we were looking around at places to buy. I fully agree I would love to buy a detached house, but money is a limiting factor. We live in an area where unfortunately the majority are is all flats and it's very few and far between houses let alone detached ones.[/quote]
But your neighbour isn't being inconsiderate. He has every right to smoke in his own home. If you don't like it, you either come up with a solution you can implement yourself or you move. Don't get me wrong, it's awful that you've bought a home you can't enjoy but your past trauma isn't your neighbour's fault and it's not his responsibility to fix it for you.

You can try putting carbon filters in the areas you think the smell is seeping in eg cabinets, fixtures. You can also use certain types of gel to absorb smells around his property. Taking measures to keep the temperature and humidity (sometimes challenging in Victorian properties) low will also reduce any problems in Summer. If you think he’s dealing drugs, get a friend to phone in an anonymous tip and he will be more cautious.

Just rereading the OP, if you would rather not move you could report to the police for antisocial behaviour- so too many people in the house, smell of canabis and see if that stops the behaviour.Unfortunately you'd need to tell people you'd done that though for selling.

Sorry you're dealing with this OP. We live in a terraced house built in 1905 and we get weed/cigarette smoke smells from our neighbour as well. The air purifier may not remove the smell but it should be working to remove the toxins/smoke in the air, hopefully that gives you some peace of mind.

But yes - if he's going to be there long term and is allowed to smoke in his flat, I would move. Luckily we're coming into summer so you can have plenty of windows open and fans running until then.

I would be wary of complaining. He's taken a few measures to help with the smell, I wouldn't like for him to get annoyed with you because you don't know if he's the type to act maliciously (loud music, smoke even more, etc.). If he has a tendency to hold parties, it's better to just have an issue with smell rather than loud thumping music and shouting/laughing all throughout the night. You don't need the additional stress whilst pregnant.

Just move OP. I hate cigarette smoke and I think just because people can doesn't mean they should.

Cigs, unlike other substances, do harmfully affected people around the smoker who don't consent to it. People can fuck themselves over with whatever they want as long as it doesn't affect me.

But you're not going to get him to stop and as a non-smoker you (and I) will always be sensitive to the smell.

Get a semi or a detached house. You'll at least have some control over the smells and chemicals around you.

Until smoking is made illegal (and even then, there will be people who continue) there is nothing you can do about it just because you don't like it. It won't be made illegal because of the ensuing tax loss