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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Posting on social media

21 replies

AzureHawker2 · 15/05/2021 10:36

My ex had recently told me I’m an attention seeking liar because I post on social media. He doesn’t use sm at all but recently managed to view my strava and Instagram pages by googling my name (IG is usually private but I had changed the settings to tag someone and forgot to change back).

I have been thinking about what he said and looking at my sm. I run a lot and all my runs go in strava, if I saw anything interesting on my run I will put a picture on strava too, sometimes I will share my run on IG if it was something I’m particularly proud of. I’ve never felt that uploading runs to strava is showing off as it’s more my record of my runs for me and everyone on there is doing the same. Maybe posting to IG is showing off a bit but it’s not like I do it everyday.

I also share other pictures on Instagram,of things I’ve done with the kids etc. I don’t have many followers and they are all people I know personally, my wider family all live far away so this is really the only way they see what we are up to and my older relatives like seeing pictures of my kids on sm , in fact that’s really the only reason they use it at all, to keep up with what everyone is doing. Usually my profile is private and don’t use hashtags. I would say overall I share around 6-7 pictures a month on IG.

Does it make you a liar if you only post nice pictures? I never really say anything about the pictures just things like “nice walk at x with the kids” “day out at the beach” etc. But they are all pictures that look nice, happy kids, nice scenery etc. So really I would like to know if I post too much on sm and if this means I’m an attention seeking liar?

OP posts:

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/05/2021 10:51

Well no. It doesn't make you a liar. People generally posts happy things on. SM is my happy place and I don't want to see my friends kids having a hisssy fit😂 I do enjoy seeing them do things together however!

Everyone with half a brain knows that life isn't that pretty all the time🤷🏻 It's like if someone berated me for posting a picture of newly flowering plant but not when the flower starts dying off.

I am the same with followers and fb friends. Only few people i know and like and family and friends who are far away. All of them are smart enough to know that not posting about everyday shit doesn't mean we are all liars. Our parents also weren't showing off pictures of us having tantrums over lollipops, did they 😁 I hope😂

Just do what makes you happy and tell him to fuck off

MishMashMummy · 15/05/2021 10:52

Stop giving headspace to the mean snipes your ex makes. You’re not an attention seeking liar - he’s just a dick.

BaggoMcoys · 15/05/2021 10:53

He's being a dick. Don't take any notice.

RueCamb0n · 15/05/2021 10:55

You have to accept his distorted perceptions of you. Or just distance yourself and accept that he has a right to those perceptions, no matter how erroneous they are!

As mae west said, what you think of me is none of my business.

Really channel that.

RueCamb0n · 15/05/2021 10:57

Don't whatever you do next attempt to post something honest or vulnerable or profound.

He'll think ha ha she's still on my hook.

Carry on as you are for a while and any thinking about how you really are, how you might come across on SM, do that on your own at a slower pace.

Original poster

AzureHawker2 · 15/05/2021 10:58

Thank you, I really don’t know why I have let this affect me. I think I’m worried that everyone thinks I’m attention seeking now.
A lot of people I know barely post anything on sm, although other people post multiple times a day and definitely are attention seeking. I really don’t want to come across like that!

OP posts:

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 11:01

Just ignore your ex. He is trying to find anything to hurt you.

NewlyGranny · 15/05/2021 11:01

How do you know what your ex thinks? You don't have to listen to him, or to anyone "helpfully" reporting his opinions to you. Of course he has his own agenda.

He's an ex; he doesn't get to live rent-free in your head. You sound like someone who is totally sorted and together. That may be rankling with him, but that's his problem, not yours.

If he's co-parenting with you, you need to restrict communication to what's strictly relevant and necessary and stop him using it as a foot in the door of your life.

ThePontiacBandit · 15/05/2021 11:07

I think some people who don’t have social media get a bit judgy about other people’s social media!

Social media isn’t a true representation of most people’s lives. You can be positive on social media. You can use it to vent. It’s very difficult to find the balance. Personally I don’t love following people who vent all the time. It’s so negative and draining! Some people might say mine is too positive and “fake”, I just don’t air my dirty laundry on SM! I’ve had minor surgery recently. Someone asked if I wanted to join with something online, I said I wouldn’t because I’d only just had an op and was too sore. She wished me well and commented on how I’ve had a rough time the last couple of years (had a flare up of a chronic health issue last year too), she said “Oh your social media is always so positive!” Well, yeah...I’m fortunate to have got better, have had great support from friends and family...so no, I won’t be moaning!

Your ex is just trying to get under your skin. Make everything private so he can’t see it and don’t give him any head space. You don’t need his opinion any more, he’s an ex!

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 11:10

I think the only thing that would bother me if I were you would be that he has seen your movements. A lot of people post their exercise tracker things online and there is nothing wrong with posting what you want, but I tend to err on the side of caution and wouldn't want to be giving out details so free and easily about where and when I was running.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 15/05/2021 11:11

I think some people who don’t have social media get a bit judgy about other people’s social media!

God yes🙄 Like the facebook discussions here and the "I don't understand whyyyy anyone has facebook. It's just for narcissistic people"
No. It's also for people ehose family and friends are away. Normally people would share these things with them there and then, but because of the distance Facebook and insta are great way to share. If someone doesn't want to see it, they don't have to.

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2021 11:12

I wouldn't give a shit what my ex thinks about anything really.

But I would care that my kids might not thank me for sticking them on social media when they're old enough to understand what it is. Having said that, it's not something most parents seem worried about right now.

Tooshytoshine · 15/05/2021 11:13

He would get a two word response from me and one of those words would be "off."

If he doesn't want to see them then he doesn't need to look, and if his opinion mattered you would still be together. He is trying to undermine you - it's your SM, dow hat makes you happy.

Luckyelephant1 · 15/05/2021 11:15

Firstly why do you care what your ex thinks? He's an ex for a reason.

Secondly nobody tells the whole truth on social media, of course its a highlights reel. You're not exactly going to be posting endless pictures of the daily washing up and laundry are you?!

shouldistop · 15/05/2021 11:17

I wouldn't care what your ex says. He's an ex for a reason and is therefore unlikely to be kind to you.

Original poster

AzureHawker2 · 15/05/2021 11:17

I don’t actually say anything at all about my life on sm, all anyone that I don’t actually speak to regularly knows about me is that I have kids, a dog and sometimes go for runs. My younger dc just appeared in there as babies as I never ‘announced’ I was pregnant. I have never mentioned my relationship status and I’m in the 3rd year of a degree and I’ve never mentioned that on sm either although I will probably put up my graduation pics.

Maybe my ex is just pissed off because there are hardly any pictures of him on there. I will stop caring about what he thinks now though, He is being a dick.

OP posts:

Original poster

AzureHawker2 · 15/05/2021 11:20

@WorraLiberty

I wouldn't give a shit what my ex thinks about anything really.

I don’t think my kids will care about a few pictures of them looking happy at a beach when they are older anymore than I’d complain about my mum having pictures like that on display in her house. It’s not like it’s pictures of them on the potty or throwing tantrums.

OP posts:

Returnoftheowl · 15/05/2021 11:24

Don't keep giving your ex headspace.

expat101 · 01/06/2021 00:42

I started my FB page when we moved countries and it was a good way to keep in regular contact with o/s friends and family.

I see it as being similar to keeping a photo album, the things that bring you joy are on there which you are sharing with your mates.

That doesn't mean necessarily someone is narcissistic.

The only thing that disappoints me about some aspects of social media, is (now) knowing comments I might make on a public page may be read by friends, and that perhaps it's too much posting..?

I'm not sure how to control posts like this but I think your X is a dick and shouldn't have been searching for your posts to start with.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 01/06/2021 00:54

Not the point of this thread I know, but whenever I see people posting their running on Strava I always think how dangerous it is, especially if you regularly run the same route alone (and a woman obviously).

shivawn · 01/06/2021 11:16

You're not being unreasonable at all. I love to keep up with what my friends are doing via social media, especially over lockdown or with friends that don't live close by. Like you I only have people I know personally on my SM accounts. I could go months without posting anything but when I'm busier doing stuff over the summer I could throw up photos of hikes, parties etc every week.

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