So I have a couple of male friends who I see on a semi regular/regular basis. One I used to work with years ago and since then we've kept in touch having lunch dates, shopping trips and drinks. My husband is fully aware and has been all along and doesn't have an issue with it, they've met once or twice but due to distance haven't seen each other in a few years.
I'm meeting him next week for lunch and non alcoholic drinks whilst the kids are at school. All good.
The other friend I now work with, he's in a long term relationship with a baby. I saw him regularly like once a week during lockdown with one or all of the kids for walks and since the pubs opened we meet weekly for drinks with his child at the pub we both work in. He's met my husband twice, I've met his partner once.
The issue is my husband is really insecure about him because he's a straight man and thinks all straight men will come onto a woman at any opportunity. I don't have any reason to think that will happen and it definitely won't happen from my end. It doesn't help that he looks like someone I had a crush on as a teenager. When we first met outside of work I told my husband and he asked me to email him at work every 15 minutes, I did despite thinking it was ridiculous especially as I had my 3 year old with me.
Anyway next week I arranged to meet a female friend for dinner and drinks in the evening at the pub I work in and I said to the male friend that he should join us for drinks as we can't do our day time catch up. My female friend has now had to cancel so I said to my male friend I was still up for drinks but I don't know how to approach my husband about this.
He won't stop me from going but it may cause tension and he may ask me not to which I'm reluctant to because I found a good friend.
For background, before this friend started at work I told my husband I wasn't sure if I wanted to stay married, I felt like we had drifted apart etc. After a few months he moved out for a bit but during that time the space helped me to realise that I did want to get the spark back so we have started making more of an effort to sit together in the evening when I'm not at work and we are hoping to do something without the kids together this week at my suggestion and I'm trying to sort out childcare. He hasn't made any arrangements to do anything since moving back in whereas I've cooked us dinner for a night together (he doesn't cook)
Over the rocky patch he did think there was someone else, thought I was bringing men back to the house, having sex with them in the hotel at work and he was tracking my location on a map to probably make sure I was where I said I was. He didn't like me getting dressed up to go out with my female friends to the pub where I work because it looked like I was out on the pull.
He seems to have got past that now and apart from asking if I had a thing going on with my friend because we met for a walk (with my mum and my 5 year old and his baby) whilst he wasn't living there.
I was looking forward to going out next week and I still can but obviously the person is now male not female.
I don't think I'm being unreasonable at all really but I just don't know how to tell my husband that I'm having drinks with this friend without the kids because I know he will disapprove and I can't be bothered with the drama.