AIBU - just been called completely irresponsible for going to stay in a hotel?

[Pivotthesofa]

DH and I are late ish 30s so not been vaccinated yet.
We have a short break early this coming week in London which involves meeting friends for an afternoon tea, then staying at a lovely boutique hotel near at James park and having dinner in a restaurant on the same road

My sister has just told me that I’m completely irresponsible for still going, that I’m essentially saying I’m happy to leave 17 month old DS an orphan for the sake of a few cocktails!

I feel really upset now. It’s the first break away or night out we’ve had since I was six months pregnant as I had a bad pregnancy, and I was really looking forward to it.

DH Has an Addison Lee account through work so we were getting a car for the hours journey to the hotel and back the next day, so no public transport. We were going to be really careful etc

But DS talking about how it’s really bad for those in their 30s - the new variant - and acting like we are basically signing our own death warrant for a day away has really chilled me.

I was having a bit of a wobble anyway and was reassured by some lovely posters on here when I posted about it, but now I’m wondering if we should just cancel the whole thing. :(

AIBU to go?

[UCOinanOCG]

My DH and I went to hotel in Edinburgh last weekend. We ate in restaurants, had outside drinks with friends, went shopping, went to three different art galleries. It was all so utterly wonderful to be doing something so normal again. Go and enjoy your weekend and ignore your sister. She obviously knows how to push your buttons.

[Bluntness100]

That’s a horrific thing to say to you. As you say she’s developed bad anxiety about Covid, then I suspect it’s due to her mental illness rather than being cunty.

People who have developed anxiety disorders due to this, sometimes want everyone to behave as they do, becayse then it seems normal. Seeing you going out, being normal, having fun, makes her question her own decisions.

Please try to put it down to her not being able to mentally cope and not because she’s horrid etc. Go and have fun, and don’t worry.

[WouldBeGood]

YANBU and she’s being ridiculous.

Have a really lovely time!

[JeanClaudeVanDammit]

She’s the one with the problem. Have a lovely time and don’t give her another thought.

[saraclara]

[quote Pivotthesofa]@saraclara no not outside :) but when we are in the shared spaces in the hotel[/quote]
Excellent! I'm glad I was wrong.

Sincerely, I do hope we've all made you feel better. There is nothing about what your DSis said that is rational. It's very sad that she's in this state, but please don't let it affect you.

I really hope you have a lovely time! I've felt absolutely fine going in on the train (very quiet) and I've even used the tube outside of busy times, and that's also been really quiet. Going into London is what's helped me feel normal again to be honest. Obviously my friend and I have only picnicked in the parks or sat in beer gardens so far, but we're going to a restaurant this time. Enjoy your break, and put your sister's words behind you.

[MintyMabel]

The op is doing nothing wrong by following the rules and guidelines set out by the Government.

Government rules allowed the Indian variant to enter the U.K. I’m not sure that’s an appropriate benchmark.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Life as we knew it can't stop forever. Your sister is being very melodramatic. Go!

[Gwenhwyfar]

@minniemomo

No you aren't unreasonable to go. I have a trip booked in 2 weeks myself. I personally am not using public transport though nor cabs. We drive with the most ventilation known to transport, motorbike!

Ha. Covid wouldn't be my main worry if I used a motorbike!

[Needsleep32]

Your sister is odd. Could it be jealousy?!

[Hollyhead]

YANBU, you’re far more likely to be killed by London traffic, but you wouldn’t give that risk a second thought!

[2bazookas]

I'm in Scotland. The highly infective Indian variant of covid is spreading fast here so the rest of the UK can expect it to be widespread within weeks.

We are both fully vaccinated and our would-be "orphans" are independent adults who left home long ago. We get blood and swab tested and questionnaired monthly for ONS research and are still being very, very, very careful to avoid indoor proximity to random strangers/travellers. And there are a lot of random strangers in any London hotel/hotel restaurant.

Bottom line; if I wasn't vaccinated and had a baby I would not risk everything for a weekend in a London hotel. Your lives and health belong to your baby. Guard her treasure.

The way I look at it is this; we've spent 14 months being terribly careful; damn sure I'm not going to throw away all that effort and sacrifice for the sake of a few hours fun.

[Dustyhedge]

Some people have a really distorted picture of risk. People have to live. If your child was a few years older they’d be in school mixing with 29 other children on a daily basis and likely doing sports etc on top.

I have been quite surprised by the anxiety a few of my friends have shown. I know someone who sent their children away for months to live with their parents to avoid home schooling when they could have taken up a key worker place (neither in high risk jobs). They didn’t see their children for nearly 3 months and I just couldn’t comprehend it. I’ve seen other children in the park who seem terrified of people.

For many children, there will be greater affects from parental anxiety than covid itself.

[Pivotthesofa]

Thank you all.

I appreciate both sides of the argument completely, the way the government flipflops on everything it makes it hard to assess your own risk sometimes I think.

I've spoken to the hotel and the restaurant about their covid policy and am satisfied at how thorough they are (more so than they need to be by law by the sounds of it which is reassuring).

I'm just unsure which is the best way to travel, struggling to assess that risk!

I know my sister meant it from a caring place, it's just really made me feel a bit sick her saying that about my DS. It's sent me spiralling a bit tbh and I started getting that feeling of wanting to bunker down and not go anywhere which is really not a good path to go down.

[saraclara]

there are a lot of random strangers in any London hotel/hotel restaurant.

No more than in any other town or city's restaurant. The same rules on distance between tables and the same guidelines apply to service as everywhere else. London's restaurants will be no more crowded than any other town's.

It's odd, the mental picture people have of London. And as has been said many times, people actually LIVE there. Millions. Are you suggesting they should all move out? Even though their rates of Covid are lower than much of the rest of the country?

[JeanClaudeVanDammit]

Some people have a really distorted picture of risk.

That’s become so apparent! There may well be lots of strangers in a London hotel, hopefully not in the OP’s bedroom though

Even restaurants turned out not to be the hotbeds of spread that everyone assumed they would be.

Two otherwise healthy people of OP’s age do not need to be guilt tripped about the “risk” they are taking when the risk is lower than many other activities people take every day which they don’t get harangued for.

[Pivotthesofa]

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

Some people have a really distorted picture of risk.

That’s become so apparent! There may well be lots of strangers in a London hotel, hopefully not in the OP’s bedroom though

Even restaurants turned out not to be the hotbeds of spread that everyone assumed they would be.

Two otherwise healthy people of OP’s age do not need to be guilt tripped about the “risk” they are taking when the risk is lower than many other activities people take every day which they don’t get harangued for.

My life isn't exciting enough to have all those strangers in my bedroom

[freakyfridays]

You could slip in the shower and smash your head, everything is risk.

It's legal and if you are careful, no real risk.

Ignore her.

[ItWasLikeThatWhenIGotHere]

Baffled by people being so worried about hotels. You have brief masked socially distanced contact with the registration desk, you go up in a lift on your own and then you are in a room on your own. Eating breakfast in a communal room might be an additional risk in line with other restaurants but the hotel per se is not.

I avoided them last year in favour of AirBnB and holiday cottages but that was purely because I didn’t want to be pinged by Track and Trace and made to quarantine at an inconvenient moment, not because I thought there was any real risk.

[Pivotthesofa]

Yes, I appreciate the communal areas will have a level of risk, but people will be eating indoors in restaurants and pubs that are less spaced out than where we will be.

I'm going to keep an eye on things over the next few days as they have an excellent cancellation policy then see where we are, I think

[pinkearedcow]

And there are a lot of random strangers in any London hotel/hotel restaurant

But unless OP is planning to sit on the laps of "strangers" and lick their faces, the risk is low at the moment.

I have observed and supported the restrictions all the way through, but we have to begin to go back to normal life now, slowly and carefully, whilst being prepared to retreat if the current VOC warrants that.

[Melitza]

OP last year our summer in France consisted of mixing outside in a maximum of 10 people at a table.
We went out with our friends every week.
We had two nights in a hotel on the coast.
My dd and dsil came over for a holiday.

I’m in my 60’s so much more at risk than you.

There was no vaccine.
We all got on with our lives.


You’re more likely to die in a car crash on the way to London than from Covid.
Chill out, enjoy your break.

[Newtoittoo]

@skirk64

She's putting it a little more starkly than is ideal, but her point is valid. It's a medium risk that you will catch COVID and a smaller risk that you will die from it, but the risk is there. Personally I wouldn't be heading into a big town or city any time soon; that said, we do need people to act as "cannon fodder" to demonstrate whether the prevailing level of restrictions is appropriate. If deaths shoot up we'll know they need to be tightened again.

They are in their 30's with no underlying health conditions - their risk of dying from Covid would be less than their risk of dying in an accident on the car journey there.

I can't think of a single activity that has zero risk.

Go, have a great time and enjoy yourselves!

We will have plenty of new variants wheeled out ready to lockdown the country in the autumn!!

[Pivotthesofa]

thank you

[bluetongue]

If two healthy 30 somethings both caught Covid and died it would be unusual enough that it would probably make the news. Maybe decide what photos of you want the Daily Mail to use before you leave for the trip

[commatose]

This thread is reminding me why I've had the whole Coronavirus topic hidden since January.

Go. Wash your hands, don't lick the waiters, do a lateral flow test on your way home if you want to.