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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

with dsd about wearing coat/warm clothes on mufti day today?

29 replies

Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 09:43

My dsd who is 11 and I have fallen out this morning over what she is wearing for muft- day at school today. She chose her outfit last night but decided it was too cold this morning to wear what she had chosen. That was fine, so I rushed to get her joggers dry for her but also told her (nicely!) that TODAY I would be telling her to wear a coat. (I have been letting her off as it's not 'cool' and none of the kids seem to wear coats! But yesterday & today it has been much much colder, so I've drawn the line). Her coat is brand new, black trendy puffer jacket type, so it's not like it's a horrible coat or anything!

Anyway, we've had big sulks and tantrums this morning about it. Testing me to the limit! She put a thin t-shirt top on with a thin fleece. I said 'not good enough' and made her put another T-Shirt under her top - at which she took herself back to bed in a strop. This is at 8:10am (usually leaves for school at 8am). I am supposed to start work (from home) at 8am and also have my 5 yr old ds to get ready and off to school! Don;t need this rubbish in the mornings and she knows that! Finally she gave in and put the extra T-Shirt on, then gave us all the slient treatment whilst eating her breakfast and then left for school - without a word! (& also with no gloves/scarf) Furious, I opened the door (she'd was accross other side of road by this time) and asked her if I deserved that, she grunted and looked away so I slammed the door!

That's how it's been left and now I'm sitting here feeling really cross (am definitely going make her wear the bloody coat everyday next week, regardless!!).... but also feeling terrible too!!

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 16/11/2007 09:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaureenMLovesmincepies · 16/11/2007 11:23

Don't fight it! As we've said, just pick your battles. If she's cold, tough. She'll learn.

What we need is one of these, what do you think?

MamaG · 16/11/2007 11:26

Mo I thought you'd started anohter thread, you little attention seeker

MaureenMLovesmincepies · 16/11/2007 11:29

I did, but I don't like to ignore people who talk to me! Rabbit kindly posted on my thread, so I am returning the favour!

You're just after the Baileys!

I will now ignore anything you say for the next hour, coz I'm going out - now! Laters!

Hulababy · 16/11/2007 11:31

I agree. Let her learn the hard way. No coat = she gets cold. It won't harm her, but she'll so realise coats are there for a reason.

MamaG · 16/11/2007 11:32

No mo, you misunderstand me!!
I'd already replied to YOUR thread, then I saw this and thought "is that flippin Mo again?" but it wasn't

(does that make sense)

Now hand over the Baileys. Where wer you last night with my cake and stripper anyway? ACcording to Kbear you should have been ariving at about 5am and I waited up...

brimfull · 16/11/2007 11:56

god the coat dilemma

I gave up insisting on a coat for dd yrs ago.She's in yr 11 now and actually does wear one when it's cold.

I would let her be,if she's cold it's her problem.They're all the same at this age and tbh it isn't worth arguing over.

MaureenMLovesmincepies · 16/11/2007 12:11

I was busy filling in job application forms last night and eagerly awaiting DH's return from a week away. Meant to leave you a message on your Facebook too. Sorry! Useless virtual friend! Is it any wonder I've only got 1 rl friend! Happy 27th birthday anyway!

Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 12:17

Thanks everyone...I'm just not experienced in these issues (I have 5 yr old DS - everything is black & white with him - easy!)

My 11 yr old DSD only came to live with us 6 weeks ago...(although Ive been her step-mum since she was 4).

My blood pressure has returned to normal now... and I'm thinking now that I have 2 choices:

  1. Make her wear the damned coat everyday next week to p* her off and show her that I was once reasonable about it, but she messed with me, so no more!
  1. Ignore the coat issue and if she freezes it's her problem, not mine.

You're all steering towards option 2, but does that not make her think she's 'won' and I'm a pushover?....(also do I risk her catching pneunomia? Is it possible? - That would be bad!)

OP posts:
Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 12:19

*pneumonia - sorry mixed my m & n's!!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 16/11/2007 12:20

Can't catch colds and get ill from being cold walking to school. They come from viruses.

Peachy · 16/11/2007 12:22

Kid at school today in- wait for it- denim cycling shorts - huge thick frost ehre today, couldn't beleive it!

She did have leg warmers round her ankles which could have been pulled up when she left home, but no coat or anything- bizarre!

yomellamoHelly · 16/11/2007 12:26

Is her thermostat just set at a different level to yours/ours? My ds1 (4!) is also a coat refuser and has always hated being wrapped up warm. Even when we were out at the Christmas lights last night (me in five layers and hat and scarf ds in vest tshirt and top) after a couple of hours he still felt warm to the touch at the end of it.

brimfull · 16/11/2007 12:27

my ds is still insisting on school shorts.

I would definitely do no.2

She will not think you're a pushover.Ignore the whole issue.
It's all about being cool and fitting in anyway,a hugely important issue for that age.

I would explain that you worry about her health because you love her but don't want ww3 every morning .so you will let her do her own thing when it comes to coats.

MaureenMLovesmincepies · 16/11/2007 12:29

No, she hasn't won, because one day, when its really cold and she wants to wear the coat, it'll so stick in her throat that you were right!

Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 12:39

at 'shorts'!! In this weather??

So I'm sensing that the answer is to just let it go...'wear what you like and discover the consquences for yourself' sort of attitude...? I can do that - I'm not a control freak (and have more-than-plenty important issues to concern myself with istead!). BUT does that not just let her think she can get away with whatever she wants and have her own way?

OP posts:
Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 12:41

Soory MMLMP - i took so long to write my last post that you already answered it!

OP posts:
Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 12:46

Yomella - it's not that her thermostat is set diferently...it's about being 'cool' (in the fashion sense).

She only wore the stoopid thin fleece yesterday too and turned up at my sil's house last night moaning on and on about how cold it is/she was...(unsurprisingly, sil said 'wear a coat then'!)

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LazyLinePainterJane · 16/11/2007 12:58

Well, I never wore a coat as a teenager. I guess the issue was that we couldn't afford one that I thought was nice enough so I never wore one. I felt better in jumpers or cardigans so I wore something.

For what it's worth, I knew that it was cold, I felt cold and didn't want to be cold, but there was no way in hell that I was going to wear the coat my mother wanted me too!

Pick your battles, this is not one worth fighting.

LazyLinePainterJane · 16/11/2007 12:59

to not toooooo!

BarefootShirl · 16/11/2007 13:50

I have made a token gesture of trying to get DD(8) to wear a coat but I know deep down it's a lost cause - she will decide for herself and even if she did leave my sight wih it on, what chance it would still be on 10 minutes later?

Also, who am I to talk as a 30-something who still gets chastised by her mother for wearing thin tops and no shoes most of the year

bookofthedeadmum · 16/11/2007 13:58

Let her go sans coat - I used to go around with no socks on and short sleeve tops and didn't feel a thing. (probably too frozen to notice ).

Now I don't set foot outside the door without my thick coat, tights etc on but that's from my now-perspective of being mid-30s. She'll learn .

Rabbitchat · 16/11/2007 14:18

Ok - gonna go with everyone's advise here then, and spend no further time or energy worrying about her coat. Thanks everybody!

Next question then: how should I close this off with her when she gets home as it was left this morning with her stomping out without speaking to me...me opening the front door after she'd left (blood boiling) and asking "I deserve this then do I?" and then slamming the front door after she grunted at me.

  1. Do I be all lovely and 'did you have a nice day' etc and just completely not mention anything further about this morning or coats again.
  1. Have a talk about how cross I was with her, but say that I'm not going to waste any more of my time arguing about coats & warmth/if she freezes it's her problem etc?

?

OP posts:
MaureenMLovesmincepies · 16/11/2007 14:28

I bet she got to the end of the road and put it completely to the back of her mind! Its only you thats been stewing about it all day! They have a knack of doing that!

I would just ignore it ever happened to start with. You need to gauge her mood. If, and only if, she appears to be in a lovely, giving, sharing mood (hardly likely!) maybe just explain that its only because you care, but if she really thinks she doesn't need to wear it, then fine.

That's what I'm gonna do in about an hour anyway!

fedupwasherwoman · 16/11/2007 14:33

Tell her you've ebayed her coat and give her £3.16 , the selling price after ebay and paypal fees.

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