To ask how you knew your LTR / marriage was over?

[Babystepstinyshoes]

How do you know for sure when the pull of the DC is so strong?
I’ve read Too Good to Leave, Too Good to Stay and it didn’t really help.
There’s no cheating or anything like that as far as I know, but we’ve stopped having sex and there’s no emotional intimacy either. There’s just not a lot at all, but it’s civil. He seems to think everything is fine but then I think he’s always been like this and it’s me who has changed, I am lonely but if I were actually alone would that be any better? My needs are not met in this marriage but it’s familiar and safe and the dc are happy.

30mph - I have thought similar. It’s sometimes seemed the only way.
Is it possible to check back in when you’ve checked out as much as I have? The problem is I don’t really want to even though my instinct is to say I do. I don’t think I do. Because when I think of trying to repair with date nights, maybe spending more time together, there’s like a mental block to it. I don’t want to. I want to spend time with my dc but I’m happier when he isn’t there and it’s not even anything he’s doing. I just feel so disconnected from him and then by extension the dc when it’s all 4 of us.

It was just blatantly obvious that my DH couldn't be happy living as we were (platonically, that is).
The affection had long gone, as had the sex, and we were just bumbling along. He needed more and was sexting, one of the kids found it. We discussed it with the dc concerned (14) and DH said he would stop but he carried on. Tbh I didn't care about that but but we still shared a bed and he would be having long text chats with some woman he'd never met while I was there. He was very frustrated and a misjudged bit of behaviour me Boxing Day was absolutely the last straw, he was unhappy and it affected his behaviour. I made him leave and he went to a hotel for a week. After that, we had lunch and discussed his onward plan. He asked to come back but I said no.
18 months on and we are both much happier. He lives just down the road and we are still good friends and work well as a partnership. He comes and goes for visits as he pleases; we have 3dc's and a large mortgage so it's a good outcome, considering.