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Online dating

27 replies

AnnaBoo1 · 14/05/2021 21:53

Hello everyone

I joined a dating sit some time ago and recently this guy started chatting to me. He always calling me darling and his texting is bad. he was also dead keen to speak on the phone within an hour of messaging. I ended up speaking to him as I found him entertaining (thought he was taking the piss about his work) and I was having a bit of a boring week in work!

On the phone he spoke about himself the whole time! Didn't ask me one question and was making future plans with me (wtf). The next day I told him he was too intense and I wasn't interested. He then told me he has been married for 15years (divorced now) and has forgotten how to date. I've had to tell him a few times to stop being intense and he has now taken it on board to be fair to him. However, every second word is "darling", he has grown up children and... I dunno there is something about him that doesn't sit right with me.

He comes across as needy, for example, he phones me at work for a chat most days, asks me to call him in the mornings and always wants to speak every night. He isn't great at texting whereas I am , so maybe it's just differences in communication.
I agreed to meet him and said from the start that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship - that I am not long stopped seeing someone and I'm not sure what I want. He always seems surprised at this and has told me I'm narrow-minded and I will fall in love with him.

I agree to meet him for dinner last night and he again asked why I don't want a relationship. I told him I don't have to keep explaining why and he just replied saying I was fiesty and he likes that. He also lied abiut his height, he said he was much taller and he is the same as me.

He told me one of his exs was a stalker but I dunno if he is the stalker as he's called in the middle of the night (like 3am) by accident apparently and when I don't answer his calls he will call 4/5 times in a row and send me messages.

When I told him he was being intense he said he would speak to his friends (the guy is nearly 50) and he called back and said sorry that his friend has told him to calm down. Again he said he has dated in 15 years and doesn't know how to act.

He is going to America for work for a month in a few weeks...

He is well off(ish), good looking and has good chat when he isn't being intense.

We ended up having a kiss good night and he is a good kisser too.

He wants to take me to a fancy restaurant at the weekend... but there's something about him I'm not sure about. He's asked me for a chance to prove himself but I dunno...

Do I just loosen up and see how it goes or do you agree there is something off about him??


OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

MIC2689 · 14/05/2021 21:59

Not sure on voting but let him go. I cringed through the majority of your post. The calling at 3am by accident and then followed up by calling 4/5 times in a row. Nah.


crystal1983 · 14/05/2021 22:02



SteelMack · 14/05/2021 22:02

Are you crazy?


Falaffeleybollocks · 14/05/2021 22:02

Run for the hills. There's a reason we have gut instinct. He sounds at best a needy knob and at worst love bombing harrasser. Why have you carried on this long with him?
Watch out id say and don't do any more kissing before you get further embroiled!


HTH1 · 14/05/2021 22:04

Hmmm....sounds dodgy to me, I wouldn’t go there.


Lottielovescake · 14/05/2021 22:08

He sounds awful!!!! Run away!!!!


PhoenixReincarnated · 14/05/2021 22:20



SnackSizeRaisin · 14/05/2021 22:25

Sounds way too intense for someone you don't even know. He needs to get his own life sorted out before starting to date. Sounds like he's going to be relying on you for everything. Not normal behaviour.


MoiraRose4 · 14/05/2021 22:26

I voted YABU because WTF are you doing?! Avoid this guy like the plague. Are you so desperate for attention that you’ll put up with anything?


MyrrAgain · 14/05/2021 22:28

Just no


NoMLMbots · 14/05/2021 22:28



DeweyWilkerson · 14/05/2021 22:32

Run, intense is seriously unsexy


Pinkylemons · 14/05/2021 22:45

I’d avoid like the plague!

My friend met a guy like that on a dating site, it didn’t end well. He was very intense but she thought she’d give him a chance. She went to dinner at his house. She had half a glass of wine with her dinner and woke up 4 hours later in her car with the engine running. She has absolutely no idea what happened and remembers nothing. He laughed it off when she asked him and said she’d got really really drunk and said she was getting a taxi.


user1473878824 · 14/05/2021 22:53

Gross. Get rid.


Elieza · 14/05/2021 23:08

Nope. Run.


cochineal7 · 14/05/2021 23:11

I tell my children to always always always listen to the voice in their tummy. He feels off to you - don’t let your nice ‘give him a chance’ voice override your instinct.


Ellenthegenerous · 14/05/2021 23:17

Hells bells OP, do you really need to ask?!


Faerysmoke · 14/05/2021 23:20

This is quite shocking. Why did you even meet him? The intensity and constant 'darlings' would have put me off from the start. I can't believe you even spoke on the phone let alone met!!


Mrbob · 14/05/2021 23:22

So you don't actually like him in any way but you are dating him? Seems a strange choice.


Rosewood017 · 14/05/2021 23:28

I made up my mind at 'he wanted to speak on the phone'. I hate speaking on the phone! And not asking a single question about you is a big red flag. Sounds like he wants a free therapist/fluffer.


Dogscanteatonions · 15/05/2021 01:28

I've done a LOT of online dating. If at this stage there is weirdness STOP


DramaAlpaca · 15/05/2021 01:48

No, no, no. You don't like the guy enough and he's giving off signals you aren't comfortable with. Go with your instincts and dump him.


GroovyPeanut · 15/05/2021 02:05

There could be any number of reasons why he's coming over all wrong to you... He could be nervous, it's also quite difficult to get back into the dating scene if you've been in a marriage or long term relationship.
He can't be irking you that much if you keep speaking to him. He's obviously trying to make a good impression.
The 'tone' of your post comes across as if you find him a bit rough around the edges. To keep telling him he's too intense all the time makes you sound very school ma'amish.
If you don't let me him, just say so. You won't have to see him again then. I'm sure there's someone out there who'll like him.


GroovyPeanut · 15/05/2021 02:05

like (not let)


Rmka · 15/05/2021 03:21

Block him and run. He's intense at best, possibly a stalker. Neither sounds appealing even for a short romance.
Next time if you see red flags this early, they'll likely just get worse.

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