Nursery teacher upsetting child

[bruntontrex]

My DD is 4 and has been going to nursery two days a week for about 6 months. She struggled at first, crying every day, but since February she's been happy to go. Suddenly the past few weeks she's crying in the mornings, while at nursery and also when she gets home. Her key worker even called me a day because she'd been crying so much and it wasn't like her. She's been having a lot of pee accidents at nursery also but doesn't have this problem at home. She is saying that one of the senior nursery practitioners (Anne) is the reason why she no longer likes nursery. When I asked why, she's said the following:

'Anne said she's going to call my mum if I pee in my pants again'
'I didn't get a bag with toys, Anne gave all my friends a bag'
'Anne said I can't go outside and play with my friends if I don't eat my lunch'

I could easily write these comments off as explainable and innocent. It's not that the comments are that bad, it's the fact that my daughter is upset and anxious about it.

She's had a lot going on recently, her dad is now back at work after being home all the time on furlough for months so it's been a lot of change for her and could just be this manifesting in an odd way.

With this in mind, unreasonable to bring it up at nursery? Even if just to ask Anne to have a conversation with her to put her mind at ease?

Definitely raise it. If it’s innocent then they’ll be really glad of the opportunity to reassure her. If Anne does actually have it in for your daughter then they will be aware that it has been noted and hopefully behave less horribly with other staff watching. I would be more concerned with protecting and backing your daughter than upsetting a childcare professional. If she did say/do those things then that’s awful.

That would really upset me if my child came home and said this. And you don’t strike me as the type to be unreasonable or go in guns blazing. Any nursery worth their salt would expect you to approach them if your child is finding something there very difficult so they can work with you to help her to feel more comfortable and secure when she’s there.

People will no doubt claim there’s no way a nursery worker would behave poorly towards a child but it happens, like in any profession. We all know the cases where staff have been found to be abusing children or taking recordings of them. It’s incredibly rare but they’re humans like anyone else, and you’d be doing her a disservice as her mum if you didn’t follow this up. She’s small and she is confiding in you because she knows your job is to protect her.

Of course you must speak to the nursery. They need to know that your little one is crying at home and what she says when you ask her about it. Hopefully it will be sorted and she will to go happily again.

There is a fine line between making them feel comfortable, welcome, gaining in confidence yet bringing them on with potty training, eating lunch, getting ready for school by doing what you've been asked to do. So I wouldn't automatically think Anne is being unkind but I would mention that she's getting upset.

Apparently my 4.5yo had a bad day at nursery and she was hitting other children. So they took her to the headteacher, who is scary to adults never mind a child. She ended up wetting the bed for a good week after they done that.

I wasn't happy and let them know that I would deal with her and not a scary woman.

They also said that if she didn't stop then the head would tell the head teacher of her new school that she starts in August.

I thought that was a bit much.

I work in a nursery, we'd definitely want to know if something was upsetting one of our children. It may be a total misunderstanding, but it's upsetting your daughter so it needs raising in my opinion x

There is a fine line between making them feel comfortable, welcome, gaining in confidence yet bringing them on with potty training, eating lunch, getting ready for school by doing what you've been asked to do. So I wouldn't automatically think Anne is being unkind but I would mention that she's getting upset.

Not sure I agree with this really. If a child doesn't want to eat their lunch for whatever reason, they shouldn't be threatened with losing their playtime. Making them sit down whilst others are eating is one thing, but threats are not on.
Similar with the other two comments... While it's easy to think of possible situations where saying that might be ok, the fact that your child perceives it to be so upsetting is enough to ring alarm bells for me. And they are only going to learn whole feeling comfortable and confident - if making the child ready for school (whatever that means) is reducing them to floods of tears on a daily basis, then you have failed.
I would arrange a discussion about this with someone senior and probably take my child out until it's resolved.
Childcare workers can be bullies. My reception class teacher was like that.

@SnackSizeRaisin

Agree entirely.

My DH’s reception teacher was a racist. He was the only non white child in the class. She would insist he removed his hair covering even though at four he didn’t know how to put it back on himself. Make him keep his head down on the desk and not look at anyone while the other children had story time. Deliberately exclude him from sweets when they were passed around.

It sickens me to even know that happened to a wonderful, sweet man, who was an innocent child. We owe people in charge of children scrutiny. And we owe small children the respect of being listened to.

Hopefully things will resolve and your daughter will be happy there again OP. The good thing is she trusts you and can be open with you, and she will be able to let you know if things are improving or getting worse.

@GrandTheftWalrus

Apparently my 4.5yo had a bad day at nursery and she was hitting other children. So they took her to the headteacher, who is scary to adults never mind a child. She ended up wetting the bed for a good week after they done that.

I wasn't happy and let them know that I would deal with her and not a scary woman.

They also said that if she didn't stop then the head would tell the head teacher of her new school that she starts in August.

I thought that was a bit much.

That's horrific!

If it wasn't for the fact she loves the nursery I wouldn't send her back. This was before the Easter hols so she has forgotten about it.

I know for a fact the head told her that about her new school as it was dd key worker that told me.

They also told her off right at the beginning for not sharing toys. She started 2 days after her 3rd birthday and she has no siblings so tbh she didn't know how to share.

I know she's going to end up a bit disruptive again after I have the baby but that's because it's a big change in her wee life.

Trust your daughter and your instincts. Anne does not sound nice! A nursery school should not be threatening losing breaks etc. Or causing issues with food and toileting. Please speak to them or consider moving her x

I'd mention it in a non confrontational way.....

Also, with regards to wee accidents, it could be something simplest worth trying to get to the bottom of it. My daughter went through a period of about 2 weeks of having accidents. Had a good chat with her and it turned out that she was worried her teacher would see her grazed knee! Reassured her that everyone grazes their knees from time to time and that this would be of no interest to the teacher, hasn't had an accident since!

@GrandTheftWalrus

Apparently my 4.5yo had a bad day at nursery and she was hitting other children. So they took her to the headteacher, who is scary to adults never mind a child. She ended up wetting the bed for a good week after they done that.

I wasn't happy and let them know that I would deal with her and not a scary woman.

They also said that if she didn't stop then the head would tell the head teacher of her new school that she starts in August.

I thought that was a bit much.

Great way to build a 4 year olds confidence! That's actually really unkind, think I'd report her to OFSTED. The at our school is very approachable and the children love her.....she helps create a happy and nurturing environment, that's how it should be!

*The head at our school

Thanks all, feeling a bit more confident to bring it up with the nursery now. Good to know I'm not just being totally precious about it!

If they do it again I will. Fair enough give her a row if she's been hitting. But saying they were going to speak to her new head teacher is not on.

@GrandTheftWalrus

Apparently my 4.5yo had a bad day at nursery and she was hitting other children. So they took her to the headteacher, who is scary to adults never mind a child. She ended up wetting the bed for a good week after they done that.

I wasn't happy and let them know that I would deal with her and not a scary woman.

They also said that if she didn't stop then the head would tell the head teacher of her new school that she starts in August.

I thought that was a bit much.

That seems excessive. Horrible to think they would deliberately intimidate a small child in that way. Hopefully much nicer head teach at the school she'll be starting!

[quote FrozenCucumberPresse]@SnackSizeRaisin

Agree entirely.

My DH’s reception teacher was a racist. He was the only non white child in the class. She would insist he removed his hair covering even though at four he didn’t know how to put it back on himself. Make him keep his head down on the desk and not look at anyone while the other children had story time. Deliberately exclude him from sweets when they were passed around.

It sickens me to even know that happened to a wonderful, sweet man, who was an innocent child. We owe people in charge of children scrutiny. And we owe small children the respect of being listened to.

Hopefully things will resolve and your daughter will be happy there again OP. The good thing is she trusts you and can be open with you, and she will be able to let you know if things are improving or getting worse.[/quote]
@FrozenCucumberPresse this is heartbreaking! Shocking that anybody could ever think this was okay

When DS was in pre-school room at his nursery one of the staff had some really poor strategies for dealing with things. Eventually his friend's mum discovered that because the little girl always cried when her mum dropped her off, she made her stand in the corner on her own until she stopped crying. Her keyworker started work later & was so worried about the girl's behaviour they were about to take her to the gp. Then it came out about the standing in the corner. She was really respected by most parents & staff.

After Ds started school we saw her one day. That's the woman who used to force feed me he said. She wouldn't let him leave the table until he ate some veg every day she was in & his keyworker wasn't. Result? He got so anxious at nursery he spent the last few weeks before starting school with my dm because he just cried every day (his keyworker didn't work school holidays). We are currently working on him eating a repertoire of veg but there is no force feeding going on. (Thanks fortnite for including cabbage in your annoying game 🥬

Ds is 8. I am still so bloody cross about that stupid woman. Please do stand up for your dc and challenge this op xx