To ask if anyone has left UK, moved back and now hates it?

[Sillawithans]

Just that really, no offence intended to anyone.

Not pandemic related at all. I knew I'd made a mistake coming back fairly quickly to be honest. Quality of life for me was the key...I had a great support network overseas, much more time to myself (same job as I do here, teacher, but more respect and better work life balance!)

Now, I work 70 hours a week, have no time at all, no money and no support network...my family are in this country but I have no time to see them. I actually saw them more when I lived abroad!

I'm too old to be considered for overseas teaching posts now. That's not me saying that...it's a fact...they just don't consider applicants over 55 now.

Don't get me wrong, there are great things about living here...the NHS!! Actually that's all I have 🤣

Loved living abroad , did so for about 15 years in various places. Was desperate to come home to be near family, but do sometimes regret it.

I really detested having no ‘say’ , no vote etc while overseas , but I so detest the politics here right now, and realise how little say I actually have anyway.
But, for all it’s problems, I have benefitted massively from the NHS since returning , and would probably have been bankrupted where we were latterly (US)

@Quickchangeartiste

Loved living abroad , did so for about 15 years in various places. Was desperate to come home to be near family, but do sometimes regret it.

I really detested having no ‘say’ , no vote etc while overseas , but I so detest the politics here right now, and realise how little say I actually have anyway.
But, for all it’s problems, I have benefitted massively from the NHS since returning , and would probably have been bankrupted where we were latterly (US)

You could have voted in the UK, or did you mean you couldn't vote where your were?

Yes, lived overseas for 15 years, returned with my non British husband almost 5 years ago now. Worst decision we've ever made! He's been treated like a second class citizen in so many small ways but no more so than by the 'system'. We're currently looking at moving again - we feel we've given it a good shot. The safety and security of the UK is fantastic, being closer to my parents has been great and I feel so guilty leaving them again, but none of it makes up for the day to day low level misery and the battering my husband's mental health and career has taken.

I moved overseas in 2010, I obtained citizenship of the other country but returned five years ago. It was the right decision for us at the time and I still can’t really see how I could have done it differently. I don’t hate being back in the UK, but I miss the other place and now I wish we had found a way to stay. I think once you have lived in a couple of countries, it is hard to be truly settled in either.

I've been living in France for 25 years now, but I still think of England (the Westcountry to be precise) as 'home'.

DS, who was born here, says he feels more British than French, despite only having been to the UK a handful of times! He says he would like to move 'back' there one day 😅.

I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to move back, but usually after a week's holiday in the UK, I can't wait to go home home (France). Things have changed so much from when I was a teen, I don't recognise it anymore.

The quality of life I have here is so much better than anything I could afford in the UK. I don't think I miss much apart from family (that side of things is pants).

@Insert1x20p I know your question wasn't aimed at me but my children were born overseas, returned when they went to Uni and I came with them. They went to International schools that taught the English curriculum so had all the qualifications needed. However that is costly and not everyone can afford it so the children go to local schools. A big bonus of that is that they will be bi-lingual. I was worried my children wouldn't settle but after initial problems soon settled down and are very happy here. I think going to Uni helped as everyone was new to the situation. Despite owning a house abroad I won't live overseas again as I want to be in the same country as my children.

No. Lived in Oz for 5yrs but love it back here.

I lived abroad in various places for about 10 years, been back in UK 17 years. I agree that living abroad - whilst great - gave me more appreciation of the UK. All the moaning Brits do because they don't realise how lucky they are... Though there is plenty of moaning in other places I found! Best things about being back in UK; feeling like I belong, being near aging parents, old friends. The weather is a slight issue, but try not to let it bother me.

I've always hated it here 😂 like a pp said I just try not to think of the country I came back from if I can help it and get on with it. Also like another pp said the problem I have with it is all the moaning, negativity and the push for conformity in schools. It's really obvious now I've returned with a DD. Am trying to make the most of it and may leave again in the future if circumstances allow it. In the past I could just hang out with friends and not notice it but now I'm alone with a toddler I don't have that luxury. People think I'm like an alien for even having travelled so much! I'd rather homeschool her than put her through the British school system if I can but we will see.

Interesting question! Whilst I was overseas, I longed to be back some days. Now we are back, I long for the sunshine and friendships we had there. I don’t think where we were was better or worse necessarily, and there was always a sense of it being temporary, eg renting and not buying. Living costs broadly similar, though split differently. Healthcare better. State schools worse so DC at (expensive) private British school. Swings and roundabouts, really. The main thing is your state of mind - do you make an effort to make wherever you are home, or do you always pine for what you can’t have? The grass isn’t always greener.

All of the above said, the DC remember our overseas time as one of freedom and the U.K. is just covid and masks and rules and lockdowns (due to timing of our move). For us it was coming home but for them, overseas is more home (still) and they long to visit but can’t because, well, covid. I do wonder if they’d like the U.K. more if covid hadn’t happened!

Another thing to consider. We were in a huge expat hub. The life I remember is a life that doesn’t exist anymore. The people we were friends with - half have moved on. Expat life can be very ‘of its time’.

Yeah, Aus and HK for 5 years. Came back home to the U.K. 8 years ago.

The U.K. has its faults but overall is a great place to live.

We were away for 2.5 years pre-kids, and then for 4 years with primary age kids. Came back to the UK in 2019. I loved both overseas experiences (though the one pre-kids was much, much easier) and I'm also happy to be home. Like a PP, I like being a citizen and having a vote. I like feeling as though I belong, in that political sense, and I like the fact that no-one could disagree with me. There's no "but you weren't born here" or "but you have an accent".

The kids weren't wild about either of the moves we subjected them too. It took them six months to recover when we went out and four or five months coming back. Luckily they are both sociable and make friends easily, so they managed to make friends before lockdown hit.

Lived overseas for nearly six years. At the end of this year we will have been back home in Britain for five years. We lived in my husband's home country. He wanted to go back, I didn't. I just went with him to let him get it out of his system.

So glad to be home. I love it. Not perfect, never was but the inner peace I feel is priceless. Not feeling full of resentment every day is a weight off my shoulders. I can really smile and feel happy and confident in my life.

Lived in France for nearly 15 years and wouldn't move back. One big problem is that medical treatment I get here that keeps me alive isn't available in the UK.

I don't regret moving back to the UK after almost 5 years in a Scandinavian country. We moved over there, to my partner's home country, thinking we would have a better quality of life. And we did, in many ways. But I was bored shitless. People aren't the friendliest there, nor are they very welcoming. I relied heavily on British Expats for friendship/social gatherings and had a ball...but it wasn't enough. Even my partner was longing to come back! We actually just sold our house there this week having made the decision that we would never return.

We lived in the States for a while, too and would have found it easier to settle there but we didn't have the visa/greencard to do so.

Being back is like putting on a big old filthy cardigan that should have been thrown out long ago but is just so damn comfy. I love it.

@Barnowl25 Thanks- that's helpful to know. My DC are at an international school so if we stayed here they would get Uk qualifications (although shamefully are not bilingual). However, that's another decade and DH and I are keen to get back within another 3 years or so. Will probably therefore aim for eldest DC to start year 9 in UK at the latest. One benefit of the "churn" here is that they do actually have quite a lot of friends in UK that they know from living here. I still worry that they wont settle and will beg to come back here though.

@DotsandCo My sister is also a teacher (lives in same country as me by coincidence). She said the same. Hard to get recruited as an older teacher for international postings. She would quite like to move back I think but the idea of UK hours compared to HK hours is keeping her here for now!

I've done it twice- 7 years one country, 10 years back in UK, then 2 years in another country and now back for 8 months. I found the first move back the hardest- on some level I had expected my life to be there waiting for me to slot back into, and the realisation that I had to rebuild in the UK and that there wasn't a me shaped hole to slip back into was quite hard! Also I was very at home in my new place after 7 years, but I missed things in the UK- I didn't understand that it would be so hard to move back.

The second time has been much easier because I knew what to expect, and as others have said it's a different time in my life. It was a pandemic and ageing parents decision, mostly.

I think moving overseas changes your relationship with your home country- you always know there are alternatives and you never feel quite as strongly rooted as people who have never left. On the other hand i have appreciated the UK more. As others have said the negativity here is quite bad- most countries have pros and cons, it's more about what your biggest concerns are. The UK has some brilliant things and some crap things, just like everywhere! I'm very happy to be back but it isn't the life I had before I left, it's something new.

I'm currently trying to work this out. Live abroad, working abroad with 2 young kids. Currently in the process of getting divorced and trying to work out where I put down roots for the next phase of my life. Stay here where I have no support, or move home and move them from their dad/school etc. He's said he's happy for me to go home but it's up to me.

I don't know if I'm too rose tinted thinking about the UK/life in the UK so this thread is really useful

@Sillawithans why do you ask? What's the background to this question?

I spent 13 years abroad, and am so glad to be back. I have my own four walls again, I understand how everything hangs together and I no longer just have to drool in Waitrose, as I couldn't take it all back with me; I can shop there.

Really enjoying this thread as I think about this a lot. I've been abroad for 7 years, but now I have a toddler sometimes wonder about coming back. I think the reverse culture shock would be horrendous though.

One of my friends is about to move back after about the same amount of time and I'm so interested to hear how it goes for her and what she finds hard/easy/better/worse.

I was never a proper grown-up in the UK - I moved when I was 27, so still flat shares and out every night, climbing the ladder in crappy paying jobs. I'd go back as someone with a career and a family.

After 5 years in the USA, I came back Feb 3rd 2020 for what was supposed to be a 2 month visit and now has turned in to 15 months .

I was made unemployed in Jan 2020 in a mass layoff in the USA, so thought I’d use the free time to figure out my next step and also see family and friends as it had been nearly 4 years since I’d visited.
I decided to stay a bit longer once Covid hit to look after my parents - they have medical issues, plus their age leaves them vulnerable and I couldn’t just go back to the USA and leave them to it, I’d have felt awful doing that with all the bare aisles and fight to get delivery slots going on, especially if anything happened to them both.
Another thing that made it hard was my older brother divorced his wife and was temporarily living back at my parents from May 2020. He’s pretty nasty and verbally abusive (thankfully moved out now) so definitely didn’t want them alone with him either.

I’d rather be unemployed looking after my parents in the UK than unemployed in the USA worried sick!

I also work in the aerospace industry, and the reason there was a mass layoff in the USA was because of the knock-on effect from Boeing’s problems. Now world travel was restricted, it’d be even less likely to find a job, so better to stay for now I thought.

Absolutely didn’t think it would be this long, and my marriage has now ended through separation (was a bit rocky before I left) and my spouse has moved back home to another State. So I’ve had our lovely apartment, dog, friends all fall away from me as I didn’t get to say bye - I didn’t imagine being in this situation when I left for 2 months so it wasn’t on my mind to treat it as a “goodbye”.

I got to experience the UK normally for about 3 weeks and really enjoyed it. But it’s been near impossible to have any normality for over a year and I can’t say whether I truly like being back.

Mainly I’m leaning toward “no”, but probably because my heart and head are still in the USA as when I left it was supposed to be temporary.

@backinthevillage85 that sounds incredibly tough. I have a few friends who moved back from HK "temporarily" last year but then ended up never coming back for various reasons. It's hard when you don't get closure or a chance to say goodbye. My daughter lost two good friends that way and it was really hard. Do you think you'll get a chance to go back to your hometown in the US for a visit, just to close the chapter?