AIBU?
to not have missed social hugging one iota?
CoelacanthSharpener · 14/05/2021 14:53
OK, I'll come clean. I've been relieved not to be expected to hug people all this time. And I'm dreading it all starting up again.
I don't want to be insensitive - I fully realise it's a different kettle of fish for many people e.g. if they have elderly or ill relatives. But speaking purely for myself, and barring DH (and we're not even super-huggy any more after 21 years 
) I'm just not a huggy person. I'm an introvert and I find it so cringey and feel physically awkward, not to mention ridiculous when people want to do things like hug a new acquaintance or even a business contact on first meeting, which imo robs hugging of all currency. (I work in publishing, trust me, this is something that happens. )
To me (relations with one's partner aside) hugging is for occasions that call for 'extra' emotion for whatever reason, not a general social greeting. I really can't relate to all these shouts of 'Missin mah HUGZ!' that have been all over social media during this whole thing, and I find this current preoccupation with when hugs will be allowed again nothing short of bemusing. And, yes, it's been a relief to have had the obligation temporarily removed during covid.
I don't have an ASD as far as I'm aware, just not a huggy person. I'm in my fifties and grew up in the north, where people in my day were more reserved and just didn't do social hugging, although that seems to have changed in recent years. Hugging friends just didn't happen in my social circle, and most of my family aren't/weren't all that huggy either. It just feels super unnatural to me.
But most of our friends/family on DH's side routinely hug on greeting and leave-taking and I'm so not looking forward to it all starting up again.
Like I say, I'm not trying to speak for anyone else, the last thing I want is to be insensitive towards anyone who has more deep-rooted/emotive reasons to want hugging 'restored', and I accept that hugging is important to many, perhaps even to most people. But surely it can't just be me who feels this way?
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
Mumoblue · 14/05/2021 14:58
YANBU.
I’m not a hugger. Hugging for me is for close friends and family and even then only when I’ve not seen them for ages.
Though I don’t feel obligated to hug any more. If someone who is not in my category of people I’m comfortable hugging tries to hug me I generally say, politely, “I’m not a hugger”. It might make me sound like a grumpy bugger, and I’m really not, I’m just not a touchy person.
When COVID is over I might hug my best friend, and possibly my sister, but I haven’t really “missed” hugging.
maxelly · 14/05/2021 15:08
YANBU - even more than the hugging, it's the return of the air-kissing that's giving me the heeby jeebies. DH's (huge, extended, local) family are from foreign parts and therefore lack the proper British reserve social awkwardness and are normally all over one another with the kisses. Anyone and everyone however slight an acquaintance is to be greeted with the air-kisses (usually 3 but confusingly sometimes 2 and sometimes 1, sometimes a hug too!) - we've been together decades and still I can't get it right, I get the number wrong, I go the wrong direction, I clonk my face into theirs or somehow end up actually kissing them rather than the air, it's hideous. His family find it hilarious and tease me about it, I've loved the respite this year has given - gearing myself up to get back to the atmosphere of free and liberal physical displays of affection. What's wrong with a good old-fashioned British headnod and 'alright?' as a greeting for your nearest and dearest I ask you? Maybe a shuffley, back-pat-y stiff unyielding hug, if the occasion really demands it, maybe at a landmark life occasion or reunion post-disaster or similar (although don't get me started on what DH's lot do when actually emotional)?
dontgobaconmyheart · 14/05/2021 15:16
YANBU OP for sure, I think that's a fairly normal attitude really, but nobody is making you or anyone else hug. I don't care either way about hugging (person depending, some I'd rather not) as it doesn't do much for me but it's clear from watching other people that it often does a lot for them, which I do find nice to see.
I do wonder if things will be organically less contact based when things start to normalise socially. It isn't as though covid has gone away or will stop existing. If I did offer a hug or physical contact and it was declined I'd just assume it was a reasonable covid averse thing and not be offended in the slightest.
I'd make the most of that and just verbally and politely decline any kind of physical contact that you don't want. It's your prerogative. There are other ways to communicate affection.
CoelacanthSharpener · 14/05/2021 15:19
@StreetLightsHoney
Oh, I didn't see that - wasn't me, promise.
If someone who is not in my category of people I’m comfortable hugging tries to hug me I generally say, politely, “I’m not a hugger”.
I keep trying to summon up the courage to start saying that, I'm just nervous of seeming cold/unfriendly. But people know I'm not, so I'm probably overthinking it.
I can't get it right, I get the number wrong, I go the wrong direction, I clonk my face into theirs or somehow end up actually kissing them rather than the air, it's hideous.
Me too!! It's got a lot to do with why I hate it, tbh.
).DIYandEatCake · 15/05/2021 15:39
I’m totally with you. I am autistic (but only close family know that) and find hugging so awkward - I will do it because it’s expected but I’m so stiff and unnatural at it that I’m sure the other person thinks I’m weird and unfriendly (it’s probably like hugging a reluctant plank). I’m honestly a much warmer and friendlier person with a bit of personal space. And the cheek kissing - one side, two, how the hell are you supposed to know and not bash faces? I’ve felt a lot more comfortable in social situations since covid, it has to be said - which I know is sad - but I think it’s because everyone has the same ‘rules’ and no-one’s been in my personal space at all. On the other hand I have friends who are extroverts and real touchy-feely people and I can see it has been really hard for them as linking arms, stroking hair, hugging, are all just automatic for them and ways of showing affection. Lockdown’s been far harder for them generally than it has for me.
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