AIBU to hate it when the OP doesn’t come back?

[aibutohavethisusername]

Not a TAAT just lots of different OPs not coming back to answer reasonable questions.

Oh you've just reminded me of a thread I posted the other week that I didnt come back to, I got the answer I needed, went about my day and forgot about it. Sorry about that.
I've left a couple of threads after coming back to read a ton of horrible replies, usually centred on one tiny point that other posters are arguing over.
It felt too exhausting to try and explain myself (and rather pointless too saying as how the things that were being asked/demanded weren't really the point in the thread in the first place)

Like the one I posted a little while ago about the guy who took the condom off during sex and didn't tell me about it.. apparently it was all my fault for not having an in depth conversation about contraception before hand, lots of faces, pages and pages of it being my fault whilst I'm still trying to process my thoughts and feelings over it. Total kick in the teeth and I didnt owe anyone on there an explanation.

I've name changed since then so no point in anyway going back and looking for it.

(FWIW, I didnt see the guy again and got checked for an sti, all is well)

@Buffaloskull I totally agree that OPs who are being abused/bullied should abandon the thread.

I’m often a lone voice sticking up for an OP, I know it gets quite bad.

I understand about people being abused but coming back and totally agree.

@mainsfed yes definitely. It becomes too much to try and explain yourself to multiple posters, then usually when they do, that post/update will be ripped apart, taking away from the original point in the post.
You end up with an op (who was upset about something in the first place) wound up and frustrated, probably questioning their own sanity on top of it all. It's not worth it.
I think most posters can see the way a thread is heading and know that if they were to reply it would just become more distressing so they just bail altogether.

Its annoying when someone asks for advice the answer would be different depending on the age of the children you get 50 or so (exaggeration maybe) asking what the ages are some wild responses and the op never comes back to say how old the kids were so you could be giving the wrong advice? Like aibu to feed my child mac&cheese for a newborn the answer is no! But without the child's age many people will say yes thats fine

I do have some sympathy for OPs whose threads take off very quickly and come back after only a couple of hours to find ten pages of replies. A lot of posters will only look at the number of replies, not the time the thread started, so will be screaming ‘OP, where arrrrre yoooooouuu?!?’ without even considering that the answer is ‘on the school run’ or ‘at the shop’.

For in most post and run threads though, its either a troll or someone who didn’t get the reaction they wanted/expected.

It's not terrible! How entitled are you that you think OPs need to come back and update everyone just to satisfy your own nosiness?

Absolute bollocks. There’s nothing ‘entitled’ (such an MN word) about expecting someone to respond when you’ve given advice THEY asked for.

Er @mainsfed

Yes, that’s my view, why is it so controversial?

That's what I said! It's your view and you're entitled to it.

But it's not a requirement (or a rule, geddit?) for anyone else to share your view. They are absolutely entitled to post & leave the thread🤷🏻‍♀️

As I said in my last post 🙄 I agree with you that it's better if the OP does engage, but like you, it's only a view & no other poster has to share it.

You are saying 'not how a forum is supposed to work' like it's a universally accepted truth!! But it's not - as I said, there are no rules about this, only views, and you & I are entitled to ours, and the vanishing posters to theirs.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

It's not terrible! How entitled are you that you think OPs need to come back and update everyone just to satisfy your own nosiness?

Absolute bollocks. There’s nothing ‘entitled’ (such an MN word) about expecting someone to respond when you’ve given advice THEY asked for.

It really is exactly that - entitled.

As MNHQ often remind us, don't give more of your time & energy than you have available etc.

Posters choose to reply; it's good when OP engages & responds but there shouldn't be an absolute expectation of it.

Just move on, another thread will be along shortly, is best I find!

But it's not a requirement (or a rule, geddit?) for anyone else to share your view. They are absolutely entitled to post & leave the thread🤷🏻‍♀️

You keep banging on about rules when no one has said there needs to be any. How many times do I have to repeat that what I think makes a forum work isn’t meant to be a rule?!

@mainsfed

I don't think I can explain any further but you've answered your own question in fact:

what I think makes a forum work isn’t meant to be a rule?!

You said 'that's not how a forum is meant to work', like there was an agreed way (in other words, a rule 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I agree with you but said that's just your view. An OP can have another view, and think their not replying is what makes a forum work.

In other words, as you said, 'what I think' which applies both ways.

You think OPs should come back. Some OPs think they shouldn't have to.

Both are views so are correct, so no one person is right.

HTH!

Aren't they usually wind up and go goady fucker trolls? I try to avoid threads with only one post from the OP and several pages of replies.

I think it depends... Like if there's been several pages of responses & posts from the OP with a good rapport (ie. Not abuse) between both then I think it's a bit odd when there's suddenly radio silence but I suppose you can only hope for the best for the OP

You would think that an OP might stick around for at least a little while after posting an OP. I mean they were bothered enough by whatever it was to make a thread. Seems a bit pointless to post and run IMO but it seems to be the thing to do at the moment.

Some are obvious 'wind them up and watch them go' posts though, no intention of coming back and most likely a troll.

The weirdest is when they post, disappear for hours then come back to people wondering where they are and a hundred questions. Then they say 'I'm really busy and haven't got time to spend all day on MN like you lot'.

@MoreAloneTime

Aren't they usually wind up and go goady fucker trolls? I try to avoid threads with only one post from the OP and several pages of replies.

Trolls annoy me even more. Especially when they go on for months.

@EarringsandLipstick

You said 'that's not how a forum is meant to work', like there was an agreed way (in other words, a rule 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Actually I say ‘not how it’s supposed to work’ and it was in response to Lockheart who said categorically ‘that’s not how it works’.

Funny how you’re not banging on about rules to Lockheart, just because you agree with her.

HTH!

You can't make people use this forum the way you do or the way you would like them to.

If the OP doesn't return at all (and don't appear to be a goady troll) they probably have stopped caring about whatever it is, or have read the answers so far and don't like them or realise they can't defend themselves whatever they say. Or something in RL happened and they forgot they had posted. Or maybe they are desperately emailing MNHQ trying to get the thread deleted.

[quote mainsfed]@EarringsandLipstick

You said 'that's not how a forum is meant to work', like there was an agreed way (in other words, a rule 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Actually I say ‘not how it’s supposed to work’ and it was in response to Lockheart who said categorically ‘that’s not how it works’.

Funny how you’re not banging on about rules to Lockheart, just because you agree with her.

HTH![/quote]
We should probably leave it there!

I honestly do see your point & largely agree. I don't think Lockheart's specific phrase stuck with me, which is why I didn't mention it. But sorry to be pernickety but she is right - forums are not meant to work on the premise that OP has to come back.

Your view (and a lot of the time, mine) is that OP should.

But you can't impose (or seek to) an action on someone. They can come back or not, as they choose.

The difference between your view & Lockheart's is that you're suggesting that forums work a certain way, ie with OP coming back. She & I are saying, they don't have to (even if we'd like it). So I guess the absence of a enforced action?

(And yeah, I get I'm over-invested in semantics here. I think 6 pm on a Friday evening has me in a bit of an odd frame of mind!)

@Sh05

I always click see all first to see if there's more than just the initial post. Sometimes a thread is more than a few pages long all based on assumptions because the op hasn't come to answer any questions. I don't bother with those threads at all.

@Sh05 - I do exactly this too.

If a thread title interests me, I click on it and do a quick look at number of responses and the elapsed time from OP to current.

If there are lots of posts over a few hours, I then check to see how many posts are from the OP.

If it's just 1, I don't read it.