Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To be at my wits end with 6 year old and sleep

21 replies

cadburyegg · 14/05/2021 13:57

DS1 has always been very high energy. Since he was a baby he always had to be moving. He’s gone to bed at 8pm for several years but suddenly it’s much later - more like 9.30-10.00 before he actually drops off. He also cries and wants me to stay with him until he falls asleep (which I don’t do) but he also complains if I go downstairs when he’s still awake.

I always make sure he has plenty of activity. Yesterday he was in school all day and scootered the way there and back (about 2.5km round trip) and also had beavers in the evening. Yet he didn’t go to sleep until 10pm and woke me and DS2 at 6am. I’m just exhausted, I have no time to myself and all I can do after he’s gone to bed is have a quick tidy up and load the dishwasher and then go to bed myself. But yesterday I wanted to go to bed early and I couldn’t even do that because he was still awake faffing around. He just genuinely doesn’t seem tired! I also stop screentime before bed although tbf I could do it earlier. I’ve tried looking up bedtimes for 6 year olds but 8pm still seems like a reasonable time.

I should mention that we’ve had difficult times as a family in the last 6 months, his dad and I separated and my dad died 2 months ago. Which may be affecting him in ways I’m not fully aware of. But otherwise he is fine and happy other than having the occasional meltdown (he is quite highly strung, bit like me).

Help

OP posts:

Tambora · 14/05/2021 14:04

Some children just need less sleep than others I think.

My dd1 rarely went to bed before 9 - 9.30pm. Even as young as about 3, she was a complete live wire and just wasn't tired. It used to really frustrate me when friends said "Oh mine are asleep by 6.30, I just couldn't do without my evenings!!" - cheers, thanks for that.

Twotinydictators · 14/05/2021 14:04

I would say he was maybe overtired? My DS5.5 gets up at 6am (this has got slightly later over the last 6 months from 5.30am) and he goes to bed at 7pm.

I would start bedtime far earlier, and cut down on the activities, even if you have to do this in increments. A full day at school is quite hard on 5/6 year olds. Maybe try more wind down time too before bed like warm baths, warm milk, stories read in a quiet voice dimmed lights, massage in some moisturiser or have an audio book on for fim to fall asleep to. Half hour of extra wind down time might win you a couple of hours back in the evening?

MonsterKidz · 14/05/2021 14:08

My just turned 7 year old is exactly the same.

He has never been a great sleeper/never needed much sleep, is ultra active is always bouncing around the place and despite numerous activities just never seems tired and is then up at the crack of dawn.

I’ve got friends whose similar age children fall asleep at 8 and would lie in till after 10 if they let them! sigh.

Like you mine always asks for me to stay with him and i’ll admit i often do as it does tend to get him off to sleep quicker. If i just leave him to it he’ll be sat up reading or messing around on his bed until after 10 each night. If i sit with him there is a chase he’ll be asleep by 9. It is utterly exhausting. Mine will
also often come into bed with us on the night and i just don’t have the energy to put him
back.

I have no solutions but know you are not alone/

BuntyHovenn · 14/05/2021 14:09

Weighted Blanket!!

AppleSouffle · 14/05/2021 14:10

Sounds exhausting for you.
Does he have a bedtime routine? At this age I had to read or chat with my DS for half an hour when he went to bed and he would do anything to make me stay. I eventually realised that as long as be was in bed, relaxing, it didn’t matter if he was asleep or not, he could be teading or playing with a toy but he eventually fell asleep.
Having at least an hour of screenfree time before bed also seemed to help.

DownWhichOfLate · 14/05/2021 14:12

Try a magnesium supplement.

OnTheFieldIRemember · 14/05/2021 14:52

Does he maybe have a bit of separation anxiety? If you allowed him to sleep in your bed might he settle better? Does he spend any nights at his dad's?

MissyB1 · 14/05/2021 15:04

What time are you stopping screens? At his age I would say by 7pm at the latest.
A few suggestions;
Warm bath with lavender drops in.
Weighted blanket
Audio stories or classical music in bedroom.
He can be awake but needs to stay in his room.
Don’t engage with him if he’s coming out or shouting you.
Set a time he needs to be in his room by.
If he can’t tell the time use one of those night and day clocks.

Basically it’s not about teaching him to sleep, it’s teaching him to be ok with being by himself in his room at bedtime, and how to relax.

RonObvious · 14/05/2021 15:08

@Tambora

Some children just need less sleep than others I think.

I have one of those too - he has never slept in the evening. He's awake until 9 - 9.30, regardless of whether he is in his room or downstairs with us. Mind you, I have another (older) one who is in dire need of sleep by 8pm, and likes to wake up before 6am. So, the younger keeps the older one awake in the evenings, and then the older one wakes the younger one up in the mornings, so that they are both permanently sleep deprived. Sigh.

gelatodipistacchio · 14/05/2021 15:11

I could have written this post this morning about my almost-5-year-old. Following!

Ps I have been letting her sleep in my bed, so the separation anxiety idea wouldn't apply in my case at least - she shifts around, talks to me, plays with her dolls, and yes, objects if I leave the room, but still stays awake with me there.

AmyLou100 · 14/05/2021 15:24

Agree about the Magnesium. It helped my ds too. We stop screens at 4pm. Makes a huge difference.

TheSpanishApartment · 14/05/2021 15:30

My 6 year old is exactly like this. I can't believe we have lost our evenings already! We have a bedtime routine, no screens after dinner (so off by 5.30pm), she does loads of activities to try to wear her out but she has endless energy. She also wants us in her room while she goes to sleep (she cannot be alone; that is a whole separate issue). Staying does not help her go to sleep any quicker though. We've taken to just letting her stay awake but in her room reading or drawing. Sorry, no solutions, but you are not alone.

SnowdaySewday · 14/05/2021 15:37

The weighted blanket is a good call.

Also, black out blinds if he hasn't got them.
Make sure his room is cool enough.

If he is not tired or grumpy the next day, you may need to accept he just doesn’t need as much sleep as the next child at the moment and tackle the behaviour as that is what is affecting you.

Earlier bedtime, even if he reads or listens to a story rather than sleeps, so you get your evenings back. If he wakes, to play quietly (remove the noisy toys). Maybe a reward chart for staying quietly in his room.

MissSmiley · 14/05/2021 17:13

Why would you not sit with him until he's asleep? It gives huge reassurance, I did it with all five of my children, and let them sleep with me when they needed to, just my youngest does now sometimes, she's 11, the others are all happy confident teenagers, give the reassurance he needs is my advice

Kochicoo · 14/05/2021 17:20

My 6 year old is like this. We have a calm routine, keep it the same at weekends and have tried the weighted blanket without any difference. Doesn't matter how much activity she's done in the day, there's no difference. I am now off to order magnesium though!

Egghead81 · 14/05/2021 17:24

Was he like this before you separated and your father died? Or only since these events occurred? What’s the situation with his father?

TheVanguardSix · 14/05/2021 17:34

I should mention that we’ve had difficult times as a family in the last 6 months, his dad and I separated and my dad died 2 months ago.

Say no more. That's having a big impact on him. Life is tough and he's probably trying to deal with grief in his own 6 year old way. I'd read some novels to him like My Neighbour Totoro, Stuart Little, Charlotte's Web (you can watch the films too if he's not a bookworm- my middle DC prefers film to books). Not only are they great stories but they really teach kids about how beautiful life is, despite the losses and difficulties we through. In each one of those stories/films, the kids come to terms with loss and change. Maybe your DS is processing the change in his life. It's a journey you can take together in some ways. That can be very healing.
I was a single mother with DC1. His dad left us and there we were, just the two of us. In the midst of coming to terms with our separation/divorce, my dad died, then my uncle. And it was so, so, so much harder than I'd realised at the time. I look back at myself at that time and wonder how I got up in the morning. But we do. We put one foot in front of the other and march onward. Our kids give us strength to carry on. But you also need time to break and fall apart. You're not getting that time. And I'd say, deep down, your little boy is afraid to leave you alone. There's a part of him that wants to keep an eye on you, without him even being fully aware of this. You're both a bit lost at sea at the moment, but grief subsides and time will be an ally to you both. This too shall pass.

InvincibleInvisibility · 14/05/2021 17:36

Mine was like this and i had to sit with him every evening. Started sleeping through aged 7. Diagnosed with ADHD aged 9 and now on ritalin and melatonin.

He now sleeps 10-11 hours. It is BLISS

I got Netflix on my phone which totally changed my evenings - i was much more patient about sitting with him until he was asleep when I was watching a good series.

I tried everything but now I know its the way his brain is.

Littlefish · 14/05/2021 17:48

I agree with @TheVanguardSix. This sounds like separation/attachment issues to me.

In a very short space of time, his relationships with two very important people have changed. He doesn't want to be away from you because he's worried that something will happen to you.

LushHeaven · 14/05/2021 20:03

There's some really interesting reading on brain and sleep cycles, and that we can only fall asleep at certain times, once we miss that period then we have to wait until the cycle gets to that point again. It may be that his bedtime is too late and he is overtired by the time her gets to bed.
However my 9 year old ds is and always has been a super early riser and I havent figured out how to fix that yet

maxineputyourredshoeson · 14/05/2021 20:10

I have one like that, DD2 (9) has never needed much sleep, even as a toddler, she’s never grumpy or overtired the next day. Over the years we’ve tried everything and anything to get her to sleep earlier or sleep later in the mornings but have accepted that it’s just the way she is and I personally found once I stopped trying to ‘fix’ the sleep ‘issue’ it made it much easier.

DD1 (11) in comparison has always slept lots - 7-7 from 6wks!

We have always had the same bedtime routine for both DD’s as they have got older we have adjusted it as needed. DD1 will just take herself off to bed when she’s tired even if it’s before bedtime:

Flip