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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To quit my job leaving my students with no support?

41 replies

toquitornot · 14/05/2021 11:48

I have been working in a school for the past 3 years as a Teaching Assistant. I started as one of my friends was going for a job in the school, and said I should 'give it a go' as it would give me something to do during the day. I am (and was) self-employed, running my own business primarily after school hours, which meant that whilst my 3 DC were at school I didn't have much to do. The thing is - unlike my friend - I enjoy pottering around, reading, watching tv, going to coffee shops, ambling around the national trust / parks.

I am now still self-employed (working a minimum of 16 hours a week on my own business), and also employed by the school for 12 hours, 3 days a week. That doesn't sound too bad in principle - but some days I am doing 8 hours of work, plus commuting, plus juggling the children, and by the time I am finished at 8pm I am knackered. I don't need the money from the job, my business earns enough to afford us a nice lifestyle. I spend my whole weekend dreading going to the school, as well as the half term and holidays. There's nothing 'wrong' with the job, it pays well and the other staff / students are nice, I just hate the restriction on my life. I dislike the fact I can't join the gym (no point if I can only go 2 days a week), I dislike the fact I have to try and cram everything else (housework, leisure activities mentioned earlier), into 2 days. I've started to eat shit and gain weight because I just don't have the time to prepare dinners, (unless I batch cook on the 2 days I am not working during the day or the weekend, and then it feels like a chore, rather than enjoyment as I actually love cooking!)

After COVID and everything just finally opening up, I really just want to quit and not come back after the May Half Term. The only thing that worries me is that the students will be left in the lurch with no support. I'm considering sticking it out until the end of July, purely for that fact, despite how much I hate it. I spoke to another friend last night who said I should just quit - life is too short - these children aren't mind or my responsibility. I don't need the money and I should enjoy my life and not spend any longer being miserable!

AIBU?

OP posts:
Pinkpaisley · 14/05/2021 11:55

I would finish out the term. The school can hire someone new with that much notice.

WillWonderer · 14/05/2021 11:56

Just leave. As a teacher, I feel you but the truth is that we think we are personally really important to the students but, in reality, they'd be just as fine with someone else. Just hand your notice in and go.

NailsNeedDoing · 14/05/2021 11:58

If you’re in a position where you know students will struggle if you leave after half term, then I’d stick it out personally, but only you know the circumstances around that. It could be that it’s easy to fill your position though, TA jobs are often quite sought after by people who can only work school hours.

Do you know if there are volunteers in your school that are hoping for a TA job? If there are, as there often is at my school, it wouldn’t be a problem for you to leave when you want.

Pinkdelight3 · 14/05/2021 12:10

I'd wait till the end of term. It's not far off and if you know you're leaving, the pressure will lessen a lot. The only thing that jumped out was the 16 hours. Does your business earn enough to afford you enough for a nice lifestyle or is it one of those 16-hours a week gigs that means you tick just enough boxes to top up with benefits for the nice lifestyle? If the former, then YANBU do as you please. If the latter, then obviously you can still do as you please, but YABU.

thehorsealreadybolted · 14/05/2021 12:14

You know in your heart what you should do. Wait until July. It’s really not that far off and it bugs me when teachers etc leave and think it doesn’t affect the kids or why should they care. You’re initial thought to stick it out for a bit was the right thing to do

Paperreceipt · 14/05/2021 12:20

I keep trying to rewrite this in a way that doesn't read unkindly, but I think as a TA, on two days a week and in the second half of the Summer term, your leaving wouldn't be a huge problem.

StormTreader · 14/05/2021 12:21

Let them know you'll be leaving at the end of the term.
They can hire someone else, and that person might actually need the money and a term-time job so it could work out for the best for everyone.

Rae36 · 14/05/2021 12:22

It's only a few more weeks, stay till the end of term. Finish up knowing you've not left the school in a difficult position of scrabbling to find a replacement or leaving kids a bit stressed. You'll feel better than if you just leave knowing you've left things a bit messy.

emilyfrost · 14/05/2021 12:24

YANBU. It’s the schools job to fill the gap and they will, you shouldn’t worry about what happens if you’re gone because literally everyone is replaceable (w

emilyfrost · 14/05/2021 12:25

Meant to say especially in this climate.

Mydarlingmyhamburger · 14/05/2021 12:26

I’d feel terrible letting the kids down if they’ll struggle with you leaving at this point. For the sake of a few months I’d stick it out.

backtonormalonedaysoon · 14/05/2021 12:27

It's not a few months it's literally a few weeks ie the second half of term. Also struggling to have sympathy with you having to cram everything into your non-work days when other people juggle full time jobs

rhombuspocahontas · 14/05/2021 12:28

What's your notice period? A month gives the school time to recruit and I'll bet they'll have a fair few interested in term time working.

Tbh your pupils probably realise your hearts not in it.

backtonormalonedaysoon · 14/05/2021 12:29

Sorry my apologies!! I didn't read the OP properly about your business hence why it didn't make sense!!!

Original poster
toquitornot · 14/05/2021 12:31

That's the only thing that is stopping me, the commitment I have to the students. Some of them I work with on a 1-1 basis, they've told me that I'm their favourite member of staff, they really listen to me, I really help them etc. So that make's it really difficult.

To the poster who asked about benefits - no, none of that involved here. Just for clarity, I've worked for years in a specialised field, training myself to get to the point where I can work only '16 hour weeks'. In the beginning I worked 7 days a week, and I've reached a point where I can charge up to £100 an hour in a very niche, sought after field.

OP posts:
BrumBoo · 14/05/2021 12:39

Yabu to quit before the end of term. It's 9 weeks at most, and the last few weeks are usually far easier due to schools winding down, school trips (if allowed), generally not as stressful for the teachers or students. You could even have a few days off 'sick' to lessen the time after handing in your notice. I really wouldn't quit unless absolutely necessary though. It's 3 days a week for a few more weeks. Even with your other hours it's barely hitting 30 working hours a week and your reasonings for not sticking it out (can't go to the gym or have to fit housework around part time hours) for what is a small amount of time in the grand scheme of things are pretty weak.

CadburyCake · 14/05/2021 12:48

I have a child with SN who has previously had “favourite” members of staff. They leave. He’s upset for five minutes and then moves on. I actually don’t want him getting very close to particular staff, precisely because people leave and he needs to understand lots of adults can help him.

In the nicest possible way, you’re a TA and if you leaving is somehow a catastrophic event for some children then the school is doing something wrong. Certainly where I am TA jobs are not hard to recruit for. I personally would stick it out for another two months, but so long as you give your notice period, I’d say you’re fine to go.

RhodaDendron · 14/05/2021 12:56

A lovely TA has just left my daughter’s class half way thorough term. The school drafted in various cover and it works fine, much as she’s missed. I wouldn’t worry about it.

FaceForRadio1973 · 14/05/2021 12:57

Emily has hit the nail on the head. As an old boss said to me once (About an engineer who I was worried about leaving) "The graveyard is full of indespensable people" Please don't forget that if your employers wanted to get rid of you for whatever reason, I'm sure they wouldn't have the loyalties....

Lesartisansetlessansculottes · 14/05/2021 13:07

They'll cope. You should go. Nobody is indispensable, and though I don't doubt that you do your job very well, it's not a niche skills set and people really want school based jobs.

CaptainMyCaptain · 14/05/2021 13:11

@WillWonderer

Just leave. As a teacher, I feel you but the truth is that we think we are personally really important to the students but, in reality, they'd be just as fine with someone else. Just hand your notice in and go.
I'm a retired teacher and I agree.
NicAndNick · 14/05/2021 13:11

If you feel bad speak to the ?head and say you are going to leave. Ask if they would be able to recruit someone for the last half term (DBS checks etc take time) because ideally that would be when you would like to leave but if not you can finish the term. Then hand your notice in accordingly. As above you may be their favourite but children are fickle! They will be ok without specifically you. Then you know the children won't be unsupported and have the 'fun' summer half term to get used to someone before returning in September so it might actually be better for them.

LolaSmiles · 14/05/2021 13:11

Like WillWonderer, I'm a teacher and would say to hand your notice in and leave.
Some staff in education thrive on feeling indispensable and think schools would fall apart without them, but the reality is school life will go on, they will recruit someone else and there's the option of short term agency staff.

Most children are very resilient and those who have additional needs or you've built a strong pastoral bond with might need some support for the transition, but if a school can't look after those children something is very wrong.

daisybrown37 · 14/05/2021 13:17

What is your notice period? I would resign and work my notice.

Staying until the end of term would be nice, but not if it is to your detriment.

Eskarina1 · 14/05/2021 13:19

If your contract allows I would leave after half term.

I know it's not the point of the thread, but I had a friend who would try and make me live my life as she thought I should. It's not healthy. You took a low paying job you didn't want, when you have plenty of money, because she thought you shouldn't have leisure time.

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