Is this normal/common?

[SummerBreeze1980]

My DS has just turned 14. In the last couple of months he has become totally unmotivated to study. He was so enthusiastic in September but it has really changed.

He is my eldest so being a parent to a teenager is new to me. Is it normal/common for teens to feel like this? The other other things is I wonder if it is because he is autistic. Anyone with autistic teens experience this?

Also can anyone give me some good tips and tricks as to how to help him get the motivation to study?

@SummerBreeze1980

My DS has just turned 14. In the last couple of months he has become totally unmotivated to study. He was so enthusiastic in September but it has really changed.

He is my eldest so being a parent to a teenager is new to me. Is it normal/common for teens to feel like this? The other other things is I wonder if it is because he is autistic. Anyone with autistic teens experience this?

Also can anyone give me some good tips and tricks as to how to help him get the motivation to study?

You are not being unreasonable.

Completely normal I think. My 14 year old son has changed a lot this last year. He’s very bright but never ours any effort in. He’s quiet, can be a bit rude and generally turning into a slob. After lots of conversations with friends it seems pretty common. I also have a 15 year old daughter who is the opposite. She’s really lovely and despite struggling with school and not being expected to get much in the way of GCSE’s she’s very motivated and very ambitious.

Mine are younger but I've been told to talk to your kids without answering their questions or disciplining is key.

After the year they've had with lockdowns and home schooling, it's no wonder many teens have lost motivation. I wouldn't assume this to be an indication of autism. Does he have any other traits that would make you think he is autistic?

I’m not sure if it’s normal or not but I think given the last year it’s not surprising if teens have a lot more struggles with studying.

My DD1 is autistic but I think with her it’s more due to the learning difficulties she has than the autism itself

@pinkylemons - thank you that's really helpful. My boy is very bright too so I find it such a shame when he doesn't put the effort it.
@Notaroadrunner - yes, that's a good point. Sorry, I realise I wasn't clear - he already has an Autism diagnosis.
@SingToTheSky - my DS like many with autism likes to focus on one thing in depth. So if he is reading a book he doesn't want to do anything else than read til the book is finished. He finds it really hard to tear himself away from his latest obsession to do something else that holds no interest for him.

I organise the study for my ASD ds who has exams coming up. His teachers have sent everything he needs to revise so I'll say spend 10 minutes doing this then fifteen minutes doing that then read this section and learn those words for 5 minutes. I write the list down for him to tick off as he goes. He very academic but quite lazy and disorganised, once he starts on the list though he is fine as he knows exactly what he has to do and for how long.

My DC are 16 and 14. The 14 year old has slacked off a bit. She got a low (for her) test result the other day and was a bit bothered... I told her I wasn't disappointed and no one can be 100% motivated all the time. There's no point trying to do everything perfect. Good enough is OK after the year they've had.

My eldest is doing GCSE 'exams' and varies in motivation depending on the subjects. He knows if he doesn't get the grades he needs, he will have to resit, and that seems quite motivating!!

@Tal45 - that sounds great. Yes, organisation can be hard for him. He can't remember the days of the week or connect what happens on particular days. He does best in routine but it can easily fall apart. Thanks for the tip I will see if to-do lists will help

My boy is 15, extremely bright and HFA. He is the laziest person I have ever met - except for Chemistry and Computer Science - because he likes those subjects. We have to sit with him to check that he’s done all his homework because otherwise he just wouldn’t do it. Punishment has never worked with him. He will happily tell us that he’d rather take the punishment that do X. Positive talk does help a bit.

I find (because my husband is autistic too) that the autistic brain really rejects anything that it finds dull or irrelevant. I also find that if my son has done something once, he decides that he now knows it and therefore why should he bother with repetitive exercises. Unfortunately school doesn’t work that way.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I feel your pain. The combination of hormones and HFA is a nightmare. It causes a lot of stress in our home. In my case, my husband is not much help as he is similarly minded.

These are my suggestions: earning screen time (doesn’t work for us but might for you), loads of positive talk, checking he’s getting enough sleep (teenagers need loads) and look into supplements - I give my son a 1000mg fish oil, a magnesium, a zinc and a multivitamin as I think autism does affect the gut, brain etc in a way that supplements can improve.
I would also say (as a tutor who works with secondary school age kids) that I think the older teens are generally quite depressed at the moment. The Covid thing has hit them hard and taken all the fun out of their lives. Try to give him some treats and talk to him about his mental health.

Oh and CGP do good revision cards (check on Amazon) and they are a great (and quick) way of revising a few subjects every evening without too much fuss and very little writing (which, in my experience, all boys loathe).

My 14yo Autistic DS is the exact same.

He totally lost interest and focus with online learning and although he seemed motivated to start with he has outright said that he will not be doing it again. He's waiting for it and seems anxious about the prospect telling teachers that he'd rather repeat the year from scratch.

He is bright but the stress of school weighs heavily on him so he compartmentalizes it refusing to mix the 2 so no school friends or work at home.

@Mistlewoeandwhine - thank you so much. You have really described the issues to a tee! I'm autistic myself and remember having similar feelings - I had no motivation for anything that didn't interest me or that I could clearly see lead me to my goal.

My DS will whizz through his Maths answering the questions in his head and just writing the answer. He sees no point in writing down how he worked it out as he can just do it in his head. I think this may come from that lack of understanding of another's point of view! And yes, he hates to do repetitions of sums when he understood the first time.

Any kind of punishment or restriction would not work - they would mean nothing to him. When you say positive talk - would you mind saying exactly what you say? I tell him I am proud of him - is that the sort of thing?

Sleep is an issue as it is for many Autistic people. It is much better than when he was younger but now he needs so much sleep it can be an issue sometimes. I recently heard about supplements for Autism and was thinking of giving them a go so will definitely do that. And yes treats sound good too! I will look at the revision cards. Writing is an issue for my DS as his motor skills are quite weak. Thank you for such a comprehensive reply.

Bless you. It isn’t easy. DM me if you ever want to offload. I’ve cried many times over my son even though he is a sensitive and loving person.

A lot of boys lose interest around 14. They are taken up with lots of other life stuff and don't see the point. The motivation reappears when they decide what they want to do after school. Then they look at what they need for that and engage again to achieve that. They really need to see the point. For a lot of girls good results are the point but some boys don't care about that. But when they catch a vision for where they are going after school they can fly. The problem for us mothers is to keep them motivated meanwhile.
My ds genuinely couldn't get why l cared. But then he chose a college course and it was amazing how much work he did to get chosen for that course. The time in between was a nightmare!!