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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel annoyed that I can't work more hours at work

20 replies

user9018376 · 13/05/2021 20:41

I recently returned to work after surgery to remove a cancerous tumour. Before my operation I was working 35 hours per week but since returning I have struggled with my hours and have requested to reduce them to 22.
I feel ashamed of myself for not been able to work more hours. Im in my 30's and feel like a failure. I feel that people with think I'm lazy, I don't have children so don't have the extra work at home.

OP posts:

Cindersrellie · 13/05/2021 20:45

Cancerous tumour, you say? You have nothing to be ashamed of working to a comfortable level is the right thing to do at the moment, even if that's 22h/week, even if that was 5h/week.

HughGrantsHair · 13/05/2021 20:48

YANBU to feel the way you do. They're your feelings. But you are being incredibly hard on yourself.

BluebellsGreenbells · 13/05/2021 20:48

Nothing wrong with working less if that’s what you need to do right now. Things will change as you get stronger are feel more able to cope with longer hours. For now your body and mind need the rest.

Take advantage and look after you!

squee123 · 13/05/2021 20:52

Try to treat yourself as you would a dear friend. Would you judge them unkindly for struggling to do their usual hours following the removal of a cancerous tumour, (I doubt it), or would you look upon them with compassion and understanding and tell them how important it was to make time to rest and recuperate both mentally and physically?

Strikemepink · 13/05/2021 20:56

Cancer is shit, I’m sorry it’s having this affect on your ability to work (and on your life and wellbeing generally). I have no practical advice but think you should go easy on yourself, build yourself back up slowly and try not to worry about what other people might be thinking.

CoffeeRunner · 13/05/2021 20:59

Absolutely do not push yourself. If 22 hours is a comfortable amount for you while you recover then that's totally fine.

LawnFever · 13/05/2021 21:02

Sorry to hear you’ve not been well, it’s absolutely fine to work reduced hours right now, if you were my colleague it would never occur to me you think you were lazy at all!

Give yourself a break, and take it one step at a time

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/05/2021 21:04

You are still recovering, allow yourself all the time you need to heal. Your body is trying to do two jobs - heal itself and your day job.

Butchyrestingface · 13/05/2021 21:05

I feel ashamed of myself for not been able to work more hours.

If you can't take your foot off the gas when you've recovering from surgery to remove a tumour, when CAN you take your take your foot off the gas??

Original poster

user9018376 · 13/05/2021 21:09

@Butchyrestingface

I feel ashamed of myself for not been able to work more hours.

If you can't take your foot off the gas when you've recovering from surgery to remove a tumour, when CAN you take your take your foot off the gas??

Because it won't just be whilst I recover it will be permanent if I reduce my hours at work, unless someone leaves then I might be able to increase again.

OP posts:

IndieKate · 13/05/2021 21:10

I was in the same position a few years ago. It took me longer than I wanted to get back to full time hours but I got there eventually.

Be kind to yourself. You've been through an ordeal. I made sure to really look after myself and do things to improve my overall health, exercise healthy meals and lots of sleep helped me recover my energy.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 13/05/2021 21:13

Very frustrating for you, but you need to rest and recover for now.

However, I'm not sure reducing your hours permanently is the best solution, if you say that you will struggle to increase them again and don't want to reduce them by choice. Have you got an occupational health department at your workplace?

Feyre · 13/05/2021 21:30

YANBU, I have Crohns Disease and had to drop from 35 to 21 hours 5 years ago when I was 26 so understand the feeling of being ashamed. You have to look after yourself at the end of the day though

PutTheBathOnPlease · 13/05/2021 21:33

@IndieKate

I was in the same position a few years ago. It took me longer than I wanted to get back to full time hours but I got there eventually.

^this. I was too...I was lucky and my job allowed a phased return but I had to take it slower than I had planned. That kind of treatment needs time and rest to get over, physically and mentally, but you will get there xx

Blowingagale · 13/05/2021 21:39

OP - not being able to stay FT ehh Myrna you are ready is more a problem with your workplace/industry/the economy. When you are able to work more hours would you be able to apply for other jobs?

I’m sure it’s horrible and frustrating but there is no shame at all in working less hours than FT. At the moment people understand that everyone (single/children/ill or not) may not be working full time for a huge range of reasons.

Take time to recover (I went to work too quickly after surgery and it didn’t help me in the long run.)

Blowingagale · 13/05/2021 21:41

No idea where ehh Myrna came from! Just “when”

Hopeandglory · 13/05/2021 21:41

it took me over a year to recover fully from the trauma of an operation to remove a tumor, I felt fine when I returned to work after a recuperation of 6 months but my body needed additional time to heal completely, can you do a phased return to allow you to get up to full fitness

Twitchynose · 13/05/2021 21:50

I have a chronic pain condition and went from full time to 4 days a few years ago. Best thing I could have done, no kids, a similar age to you. The improved work life balance was amazing, I could actually function at the end of the week. It gave me my quality of life back.
Does your oncology team have a counsellor you can talk to? Living well after cancer can be really difficult to adjust to, it’s that nasty “acceptance” word along with the equally annoying “pacing yourself” one.
5 or 6 years on, I started a new job at a higher grade 3 years ago and have gone back up to full time and am managing fine. What you need to do now, doesn’t mean that it’s forever.
If you’re anything like me, you’re very self critical. I have to remind myself, what would I tell a friend in my position and tell myself that. Be compassionate to yourself and I think you’re doing amazing getting back to work.

Newmumatlast · 13/05/2021 22:47

I voted yabu but to be clear it was a yabu to feel bad for this.it is absolutely understandable. You're not lazy and anyone who thinks so is a dick x

ArnoldBee · 13/05/2021 22:52

Can't you go part time on medical grounds rather than a permanent reduction in hours?

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