Got into an argument with my mother, AIBU?

[Mikamee]

So my 3 year old DS is quite technologically focused and if we’re not out doing things but at home it can be quite a struggle to keep him off the tablet. So I’ve taken to saying to him things like ‘we’ll do this puzzle and you can have 10 minutes tablet time’ or ‘you go choose a book, we’ll read that then you can have 10 minutes on your tablet.’ Just so there is a level of balance in our day as obviously I don’t want him on the tablet all day.

My mum has come over today for the first time since covid began and she’s obviously seen this in action and told me that what I was doing was forcing him into doing things and it was borderline child abuse?

Naturally I was taken aback and now I’m questioning my whole style of parenting.

Am I the dickhead here?!

Forcing him into doing what? Other things than playing on his tablet ?

I'm not sure what she means but I do think you're creating a rod for your own back with the tablet.

The tablet is becoming the reward and its giving it utmost importance in his tiny little mind. So even when he's doing something else, he's counting down to the tablet, and then of course he's on the tablet.

Can you pretend the tablet is broken for a day and see how you get on?

Unless you gave him the tablet after he had been up and cleaned your chimney your dm is bonkers...

Supposedly I’m forcing him into doing other things he doesn’t want to do like puzzles or reading rather than being on his tablet by bribing him with his tablet.
That’s her reasoning anyway

Put the tablet away fully. A 3 year old should have enough things to interest him other than a tablet? Stop using it as a reward at all, it should be a special treat if at all and not every day. I can't tell if your mum is saying he should have more of it but I'm saying he should have less.

I agree with pp, put the tablet away.

Well if that's child abuse my DS's school have been abusing my ds for years 🤣

He's 3. Hid the tablet for a couple of days and he'll forget about it.

Just say no rather than barter or you'll be doing this for ever

Loose the tablet.

Put the television on for a bit.

A music channel that he might watch and dance to.

He is too young for it to be his sole reward.

I would lose the tablet for a while.

Agree, tablet is broken. After a few days, see if hes coping without the bribe.

Leave it until he's a little older and it can be fixed, then he can have it a maximum 1 hour a day. You can set a timer. Then that's it.

Don't bribe him though, just remove the tablet all together - its broken. Let him get bored a bit, then see what he choses to play with /do. Offer stories, puzzles, put out other activities like crafts or play dough. At 3 it doesn't need to be too full on if hes at preschool as well. Just remove the tablet if its getting obsessed.

We don’t have a tablet, the reason the tablet is used is because that’s all we have digital entertainment wise

I wouldn't make him do a puzzle that he doesn't want to do and I wouldn't me bribing a 3yo with a tablet, except in extreme circumstances, take your medicine, perhaps. He description is OTT, but I don't think your methods are desirable.

If you just put the tablet away, he'll soon be asking to do puzzles.

Agree with others. Don’t make the tablet the reward. Lose it for a few days or say it’s broken.

I'm not seeing an issue with him using the tablet tbh. What is he doing on it? It's a digital age. Mine use the tablet for phonics and counting and interactive games. It's brought them on in leaps and bounds because it's more interesting than a board game or puzzle.

a 3 year old doesn't need to be on the tablet daily.
This stuff is addictive. My advice is keep him away from this as long as possible, and then ration it.
I have a lot of experience with children/teenagers young adults, and i would say there is no amount of time on a tablet that feels enough to these young minds. It is addictive in a bad way because nothing competes with it on an effort in/out basis. Of course it seems seems more fun than almost anything else - easy to operate, lots of sound/colour/explosions with next to no proper effort or thought.
Some of my DC now work in the games industry- even so I am still saying keep your baby son off them as long as you possibly can, and when you do finally allow them on, ration it and supervise it.
Lord knows what your Mum is thinking, maybe she hasn't seen the longterm effects?

I'd stay stop reinforcing that the tablet is so great.

I agree with other posters. I would hide the tablet for a few days.

Get rid of the tablet, he doesn’t need a tablet.

Really try hard to break the tablet habit. Sorry to chime in. But tech has been the bane of my parenting existence.
If you're going to go tech, get a LeapPad. DCs 2 and 3 had one and it was brilliant, absolutely brilliant. They learned so much. The games were wonderful (especially Letter Factory and Mr. Pencil). You can buy a second-hand one on eBay. I can't recommend this enough. It's tech... but it's so NOT a mindless tablet.

I agree. The tablet goes away. It’s shown in studies to afar that the dopamine receptors in your brain. It also effects melatonin as is well known.

So yes. Take it away. I agree.