Please give me 'get through the day' tips.

[gingerandproud4always]

I'm so rock bottom I really can't see straight. My life is busy, stressful but not all that terrible. But I'm hating every moment of it. I have 2 under 4 and I honestly want to give them away. I look at them and just hate them for being here in my life. I know I won't do anything to harm myself or them but I also know that I want to. I fantasise about leaving them and being on my own. Has anyone been like this? And what did you do?

Yes, it sounds like you need more time away from them. When I finally got time away from my kids, I felt so much better. My mind cleared and I could start planning. It's not easy though. Some people have a good support network set up before having kids, but I'd just moved countries and didn't know anyone.

Oh - you just sound so overwhelmed - have a hug xxx

Look - life with kids can be awesome but it can also reach the depths of hell - especially with toddlers!

It's normal to find it hard sometimes but you sound like you are drowning - do you have a partner or family who can pick up the slack - if so - go away for a night and sleep!

Little things I found that helped - getting out of the house - park, field, beach and just let them go! run with them - let it out, don;t be afraid to let the TV take some slack - we often get stressed by trying to be a perfect TV mum - well fuck that shit - stick CBBC on and have a coffee

If things feel very bad talk to your GP - maybe you need a little help for a while?

But please don;t be hard on yourself x

No, but your doctor will have seen this before. Go and see them.

As for right now. Its hard to feel like this when your singing. Have you got any music you can put on?

And so you have any one in real life you can talk to? If so, do it.

Hope you're felling brighter soon.

I hated the toddler stage and I have so much sympathy for anyone going through it during covid. At least I was able to get out to a soft play centre and let them run ragged.

I would advise trying to go out each day, but that may sometimes not be worth the battle! Definitely recommend using screens to give you a break. Is there someone who can have them for a few hours at the weekend so you can have a proper break??

You’re not alone, and it does get better.

Do you have a partner? If so and they're not doing 50:50 of everything (childcare, chores, life admin etc) they need to be. This includes splitting the mental load - if you have to tell DP what needs doing, that doesn't count. I find if you're working as a team, everything starts to feel better.

Find as much childcare as you can access/afford. Anything - grandparents, play dates in friends gardens, pay for time at nursery/childminders (anything, even one morning a week helps), gym with a crèche, babysitter.

Schedule an activity every morning first thing. Ditch the chores and straight out the door to something where you can speak to other adults and/or get a coffee.

Get loads of little activities for them to do in the afternoons - cheap stuff like craft kits, playdoh, colouring. Stuff that doesn't take a lot of mental effort for you I.e open bag of craft, let the kids have at it, Chuck in the bin after.

Enforce with absolute rigidity getting up time and bedtime. I don't allow kids downstairs before 7am and they have to be quiet before then. Keep bedtime early.

Insist on doing things that you enjoy as well e.g. I enjoy reading to mine. It doesn't cost me any mental effort, so we do that regularly whether they like it or not.

Basically share the load, schedule the hell out of everything, rules, rules, rules and put yourself first occasionally.