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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Men

1 reply

LeeNat26 · 12/05/2021 20:42

So, I've began to feel fed up again with the lack of help I get from my OH. He'll say he'll help giving her meals etc but then doesnt, he works from home & sometimes he does do it but idk if it's purposely done to just avoid feeding his daughter. I've become so stressed lately, crying & just fed up of attending to my daughter everyday all day then going shopping with my daughter when there's a car outside & just doing other stuff making us food, washing etc. I'm ready to rip my hair out or leave, I've moaned & told him about it & he doesn't do or say anything but "I haven't had the energy lately, I get like this you know that" as he has bipolar & has moments where he's up & about like a spring chicken then other days he's lay in bed just on his phone or watching tv. It's just such hard work cos I feel I'm looking after 2 kids not 1. I'm just so done & this isn't even the first time. I'm waiting to start a new job which is taking forever & now I've got my DBS back, I haven't been contacted about a start date. My daughters only in nursery 1 day a week for now cos they don't have full time till July so I probably have to delay my new job cos he won't be able to look after her which is frustrating seeing as most days he ain't even working. I'm just so done. I'm aching all over with my back condition (scoliosis) & injury to my tailbone months ago which has affected my hips & legs so I'm constantly on the go, don't get to rest or relax for long, I barely get a shower, chill out or anything & when I do think I can, I end up falling asleep missing out on tv or whatever cos I'm so tired from being busy with my daughter. I just don't know what to do anymore. I never thought it would still be like this. Sad

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 12/05/2021 20:49

That sounds so stressful! I really feel for you.
I think you need to have a really frank conversation with your partner about his responsibilities as a parent, and how you can’t sustain doing everything by yourself. Not framed as a moan/whinge or a guilt trip but more as ‘I need your help and I need you to do more’ and lay everything out - the support you need, the impact it’s having etc. Having bipolar can be so difficult but that doesn’t mean he can keep opting out.

Hopefully that’ll push him, but if not - unfortunately I think you need to reconsider the future of your relationship. As scary as it sounds he’s not being the partner you need, and you can’t continue in the same way.

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