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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want contraception AND a sex life?

25 replies

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 12:50

I did post this in the sex section but it's quite quiet in there - I just wondered if anyone has any advice ahead of my next appointment, if there's anything worth asking about?

I take noriday (mini pill) and have done for several years. I went for that option after a several years of bad experiences (Cerazette gave me frightening mood swings, copper coil was unmanageable periods + joint pain, mirena was constant bleeding/tiredness) We also tried condoms for a while though I was anxious about proper use so kinda ruined the mood.

Noriday has been far better than all the above, except that it has killed my libido. I'm late thirties and and it feels a bit too young to accept that this is it. I know there can be other causes but I do think it's the pill - it's a complete absence of any urge, I feel like I've been neutered! Obviously works very well as contraception....

From what I've looked into, mini pill is the only pill option for my age, and things like the implant are similar hormones to the ones that have caused me so many issues before.

I've read online that lots of women experience loss of libido with mini pill hormones. Does anyone else have experience of this, and found any resolution?

OP posts:

dementedpixie · 12/05/2021 12:54

What age are you?
Combined pill can be used up to age 50 unless you are overweight, have high blood pressure or smoke

Lockheart · 12/05/2021 12:54

There are other barrier methods you can look into such as diaphragms / caps or sponges.

Alternatively, if you don't want children, you could look into sterilisation?

Anothermuddywalk · 12/05/2021 12:55

I had this with one of the pills I was on and I went back to the GP and they put me on a different brand that has improved things hugely (Norgeston). It seems they all have slightly different amounts of hormone etc and it's finding the right balance..

dementedpixie · 12/05/2021 12:55

Just saw you are late 30s. You can use the combined pill if you don't have any of the risk factors i mentioned

Lockheart · 12/05/2021 12:57

I was surprised to see the NHS recommending natural family planning however they say it's effective: www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/natural-family-planning/

Its not a method I would use personally but you may feel it's ok for you.

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 12:58

They won't consider sterilisation (or snip for DH) because we're considered young enough we might want to change our minds.

@dementedpixie they took me off combined pill in my twenties because my mum had a stroke. I'm fairly sure that's because she smoked 40+ cigs a day for fifty years, but apparently that family history rules me out!

OP posts:

CeeJay81 · 12/05/2021 13:00

I'm 40 and been on the depo shot for a decade. I can't take the pill due to side effects but I get nothing at all with the depo. Infact I don't even have periods, it's not a good idea if you want to have a child again but otherwise I'd say it's fine.

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 13:01

@Anothermuddywalk I'll ask about any other brands, the only ones they've spoken to me about previously were this and cerazette so that's good to know there might be more, thanks

@Lockheart don't think that's for me, always thought it's on option for people who are undecided about having children!

OP posts:

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 13:02

@CeeJay81 do you have any noticeable side effects from the depot?

OP posts:

CeeJay81 · 12/05/2021 13:06

No I get no side effects at all but I'm guessing it's different for different people. It's progesterone only, like the mini pill. It totally stops my periods(this isn't the case for everyone on it) but that's a bonus to me cause mine used to be painful.

Tal45 · 12/05/2021 13:11

My DH had the snip at 32 on the NHS so unless your DH is much younger than you there's no reason he couldn't have it. Just make sure he is very clear with the GP that this is what he wants and the reasons for it including that you have definitely completed your family and all the issues you are having with contraception.

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 13:17

@Tal45 thanks but its a no go because we don't have children. I think that's quite standard from what I've heard.

Some useful ideas in here though thanks. I'll certainly ask the nurse about other options instead of just automatically asking for the same thing again.

OP posts:

Pinkywoo · 12/05/2021 13:19

What about the copper coil? It's completely hormone free so you shouldn't have any problems with libido etc.

Sleepybunny21 · 12/05/2021 13:25

What about condoms + natural family planning if your periods are regular? I use this, abstaining during the fertile window and using condoms the rest of the time.

Frymetothemoon · 12/05/2021 13:30

I have a copper coil. They can make periods heavier, but they didn't in my case

Lockheart · 12/05/2021 13:35

@Pinkywoo

What about the copper coil? It's completely hormone free so you shouldn't have any problems with libido etc.

The OP said in her first post she's already tried that

Mellonsprite · 12/05/2021 13:38

@CeeJay81

This was the case for me, but killed my libido to rock bottom, actually zero. I’m much happier off it, although sick to death of periods.

Missillusioned · 12/05/2021 13:42

Mini pill killed my libido too. I just used condoms in the end. I never had a failure with them and I was very fertile when I wanted to be.
You could look at the diaphragm to use with condoms on your fertile times?

Gunpowder · 12/05/2021 13:44

I’ve got a Kyleena which is a coil but the hormones are much lower than with a mirena. Might be worth investigating! I’ve got on much better with it than various combined or mini pills. Side effects for me were: a bit of cramping first three months and one or two spots on my chin

for the first three months. It’s settled now five months on though.

VegCheeseandCrackers · 12/05/2021 13:44

Before my TTC days I couldn't take the pill either as it gave me horrific mood swings and also took away my sex drive. We did use condoms and I also tracked my cycle (there's loads of free apps out there) and when I was in the fertility window we just did other stuff to be super safe, just not full on sex.

xsjrx · 12/05/2021 13:44

@Itwontstopraining I'd recommend Natural Cycles, hormone free and involves taking your temp each morning same time, gives you green days and red days on app, you also learn about your cycle. I used this and it totally worked for me. I'm late 30s and had been on pill for a long long time, personally didn't want to take hormones anymore. It can also be used for TTC if at any point you want, which we did and it worked. Obviously if your using the hormones to combat PMT symptoms then it wouldn't be useful.

Pinkywoo · 12/05/2021 13:53

Lockheart

The OP said in her first post she's already tried that

Damn, sorry completely missed that.

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 14:23

Thanks all. I'm going to ask about other brands of pills first, as that seems the most straightforward to try out (obviously can't just stop taking a depot etc) If no luck then I might look at a barrier method + an app. I am a bit fearful of zero hormones because while I didn't have painful periods as a teen, the time that I had the copper coil + the couple of months after were really bad. If it was just a few days I could deal with that but it was a week of weird joint pain and headaches, a week of bad cramps & heavy bleeding and a week of brain fog/fatigue. It was bizarre. Of course I was told that pretty much none of that could be attributed to the coil which is why I'm worried, though it was remarkable how much better I felt the instant it was removed! I don't want to put anyone off btw as I know they're brilliant for a lot of people, just not something that worked for me.

OP posts:

noblegreenk · 12/05/2021 14:29

My husband had the snip last year at 35 and we only have a 2yr old, so I don't see why they'd say that. My husband just explained that we both didn't want any more kids and we'd had a couple of scares since I came of the pill. He was referred and the surgery was performed within a few weeks.

Original poster

Itwontstopraining · 12/05/2021 14:40

Thanks all. I'm going to ask about other brands of pills first, as that seems the most straightforward to try out (obviously can't just stop taking a depot etc) If no luck then I might look at a barrier method + an app. I am a bit fearful of zero hormones because while I didn't have painful periods as a teen, the time that I had the copper coil + the couple of months after were really bad. If it was just a few days I could deal with that but it was a week of weird joint pain and headaches, a week of bad cramps & heavy bleeding and a week of brain fog/fatigue. It was bizarre. Of course I was told that pretty much none of that could be attributed to the coil, though it was remarkable how much better I felt the instant it was removed! So with hindsight it's hard to know whether that is how my body would react now, or if that was specific to the experience with the coil.

OP posts:

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