My friend is 37 and in 2019 seperated from her boyfriend. He was 11 years older than her and due to him having the snip they never had a family. He had one when he was younger and left the kids. My friend wanted a baby but it never obviously could happen. She would have been a great mum if she could have had the chance.
I don't know exactly when their relationship got toxic. But the last few years in particular she was up and down. He was always flirting. Online mainly. She often caught him out and he would just deny everything. He was a heavy drinker, especially in the last few years and she was having to pay for everything. He lost his job at one point and kept drinking.
In 2019 she looked at his phone and found messages from an old female friend. It was inappropriate conversations and she contacted this woman. She said he had told her they had split. She said they had met for sex several times and they were supposed to be together. She had no idea he was still with my friend and living with her!
She found several messages from him telling the other woman to block her as she could be crazy etc.
My friend ended things with him. He was literally begging her to take him back. Flowers arriving. Crying on the floor.
After a few more months he moved out. He had started messaging this woman again after blocking her. My friend once again saw and asked the woman. She confirmed he was back in touch.
He moved into a house and she helped him. She was taking their old dogs to see him and things like that. I thought she would eventually leave him to it.
But they started having a coffee at his. She said he's put her photos on his walls. She texts him alot. Sends him snap chats. Its like she naturally goes to him now for a chat or comfort. Nothing sexual has happened. They are not together as such.
A few months after he moved out he overdosed and text her. So she saved his life and got an ambulance. He gave the drink up at this point but refused all therapy etc. He's now working again so she often will say he's sorted his life out.
He's just spent the last six months with another lady. He took my friend for a walk to let her know he had met someone. They have this agreement to tell eachother if they meet someone. I noticed my friend carried on her friendship. I half hoped him moving on would finally seperate them properly. But it hasn't.
He ended up having problems with his new woman quite quickly. A leopard never changes its spots and he was still in touch with other women from his past and talking to new ladies online. He told my friend his new lady was insecure and didn't like them being friends. My friend seemed quite happy if didn't work out for them. She has been extra contacty with him. She also told me that this woman had kids so it would never work because he hates children. It was like she was trying to pick faults in this woman and why she wasn't good enough for him. I tried to suggest that she really shouldn't get involved with him and let him get on with it. He obviously can't change and its quite awful that he's messing people around with children now too.
My friend just can't see it. I wish I could understand why she's doing this. He made her life hell for years. Accused her of cheating. Went up the road shouting at some man because he found new knickers in her drawer. He accused her of cheating when she was on holiday with us. He lied to her all the time. She was constantly paying stuff off for him. He relied on her so much financially. She's lucky he was never on her mortgage! She bought his car and everything. But the other women really wore her down. She was always dealing with his depression and problems. Yet she's a fun person who likes living. He is miserable and just sits at home doing nothing. He also had no contact with most of his family. They mostly spent time with her family and at one point was messaging her sister. So he's never been trustworthy.
Not sure what else I can do. Is this normal to split and still be clinging on two and half years later? It's so frustrating to see. She is a confident woman who works hard and travels around. She has alot of aquintances and friends on Facebook. She can take care of herself. So why can't she leave this waste of space behind?
Any advice as I want her to start living for herself again. There's even time for her to meet someone and have a family. Or is it none of my business.
Her ex has also moved onto another woman since the six month lady. Within a week he was allover her. My friend said he removed everything to do with the lady he's just split with. There's no signs left of her on Facebook. But my friends photos are all still on there. He has never let go of any of it.