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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Colleague’s response

3 replies

Zig27 · 11/05/2021 20:10

I’m temping and had some issues with a colleague where I found her unapproachable. I have known this woman for many years. I told the agency who told the manager. The manager spoke to me, then he spoke to her and she spoke to me saying she was really upset that I felt she was unapproachable. How can you tell someone about their behaviour when they can be snappy.

She apologised for changing her mind on things she had shown me in training and then questioning why I had done it the way she said. She said she can’t promise she won’t be snappy again, she said it’s not me but her personal issues and that she can’t always be nice. She said if these issues arise again to tell her or email her.

I just don’t get why she thinks it’s ok to be snappy. I have had some difficult things happen in my personal life but I don’t take it out on colleagues. I only have 2 months left as it’s a temp assignment. If she behaves in a bad way again what’s the best way to tell her.

OP posts:
Paul72 · 11/05/2021 20:15

If it is for only 2 months ignore her and keep telling yourself that you are better then her.

lanthanum · 11/05/2021 20:30

Well, progress that she's apologised and asked you to alert her. I guess you need to think through some ways to respond if she does it again, so that you're ready with a polite response. Obviously if it's in front of a client or something then it might have to wait for a polite email afterwards: "When you said earlier, I felt belittled/upset/undermined/threatened/unfairly criticised; you did say to let you know."
If there's a chance to respond at the time, maybe "sorry, please could you phrase that more gently/politely/patiently." Making it "more patiently" rather than "less crossly" makes it less of a criticism of her.

Others may have better ideas of phrases to use, but I think having some ready will help.

Or ask her: "You said to let you know if you're being snappy and it's getting to me; what's the best way for me to do that?" If she really means what she's said, then maybe you can devise a silent signal between you - just a raised hand or something that will remind her to rein in her grumpiness.

Zig27 · 12/05/2021 07:41

Thank you @Paul72 and @lanthanum for your helpful replies.

OP posts:
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