Trying to gage if need to be more considerate
My partner does 12 hour shifts for ambulance service (but is based in an office 50% of the time and moans he is bored!)
When he is on shift I do everything related to child and dog, from wake up to bedtime to night wakings etc. He comes home chills and goes to bed for next day. After a run of shifts is too tired to do anything. The evening before a run of shifts he believes he shouldn't have to help with bedtime etc as he needs to chill before work. So I end up doing bedtimes a good 70% of the week.
Ouf Child Attends nursery 2 days a week so DH generally will get a "day off" not having to work or look after child. 50% of weekends I am on my own because he is working. The other weekends we are both off together.
I have flexible hours 4 days around his shifts with my parents helping with the extra days we need childcare. I have child on my own 50% of weekends as his shifts fall on weekends.
I feel I do 90% of the housework, cleaning and thinking mental load. He says if I ask him he will do stuff but has explicity said I will need to ask him because he does not see what needs doing etc.
He spends childs nap times chilling. I spent nap times cleaning/doing stuff. After child has gone to bed he goes on computer or watches telly. I look around and think what needs doing ready for next day or catch up on work where I have had to WFH with child at home
Guess I'm just feeling at the end of my tether and despite talking to him calmly. He doesn't see the issue and feels because he does 12 hour shifts it is balanced and that I don't understand how hard it is to do 12 hour shifts and he is tired.
Yet I rarely get more than 4 or 5 hours unbroken sleep due to toddler isn't a great sleeper. He sleeps in spare room when on shifts and quite often even on days off because he can't cope with the toddler waking alot.
Shift workers - tell me if I need to be more considerate to this pattern of working!?
Thanks