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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MN jury - AIBU about messy room?

26 replies

TravellingSpoon · 11/05/2021 18:59

My sister has been staying with me since October last year. She didnt have a job at first but finally managed to find something and has been working for a couple of months. She pays me rent but below the market rate (dont know if that is relevant).

I wanted to air the house today so I opened all the windows.I went into her room and it was an abslute pigsty. Im talking piles of clothes on the floor, rubbish everywhere. You cannot see the floor at all for all the debris. There is plenty of storage so she is obviously just not bothered about putting things away. She works in a fast-food restaurant and her uniforms are all over the floor so it absolutely stinks of grease. She has an ensuite which is filthy too.

I have tesxt het asking her what the hell she is playing at, and she has replied and said its her room and its up to her what she does with it. My arguement is that its trampy, it stinks and she doesnt ever open the curtains. Its basement level and I dont want it to get fusty and horrid in there. TBH I want to tell her that if she wants to live like that she can live elsewhere. Just the idea that there is a room like this in my house makes me feel icky.

So, WIBU?

OP posts:
WarriorN · 11/05/2021 19:02

Could she be depressed?

MrsTophamHat · 11/05/2021 19:03

YANBU. I think if it was just untidy, that would be up to her, but if it is smelly and not being aired regularly then she's potentially damaging the room if you can't then get rid of the smell.

Does she ever do any kind of cleaning in there? Vacuuming? Dusting? Clean sheets?

Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 11/05/2021 19:03

@WarriorN

Could she be depressed?
No, she is just messy!
OP posts:
Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 11/05/2021 19:04

There wasn't even sheets on the bed, the ones I had given her are obviously somewhere in there and she is just sleeping on my bare mattress with a duvet and pillow which dont have covers.

OP posts:
Coldties · 11/05/2021 19:04

Nope your house, your rules. If it was a lodger what would you say and do?

You need to set some boundary’s and expectations. If she doesn’t meet them then make it clear she needs to look for else where to live.

KenAddams · 11/05/2021 19:23

What age is?

Original poster
TravellingSpoon · 11/05/2021 19:47

@KenAddams

What age is?
She is 27, nearly 28.
OP posts:
Fixitup2 · 11/05/2021 19:49

Grim.

wildeverose · 11/05/2021 19:49

That's just gross, there's no excuse for that, it's plain lazy. Yanbu. It's not "her room" - it's a room in your home you're allowing her to use. If she doesn't straighten up, I'd ask her to leave

DriftingTurtles · 11/05/2021 19:50

That's shocking. She has no respect for herself, you or your house.

Lucyccfc68 · 11/05/2021 19:53

It’s lazy, scruffy and disrespectful. She keeps it clean and tidy or moves out.

Hankunamatata · 11/05/2021 19:55

Grim. Probably mould will start to appear

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/05/2021 19:55

Hi OP

I think as others have said messy is ok but when it's so bad that you cant actually get in to clean the dirt then that increases wear and tear and is your issue. Eg if there is always stuff over the floor so it can't be hoovered then the dirt will build up and eventually get ground into the carpet. If there is a load of stuff stored against the walls, air won't circulate and the walls are more likely to be damp (especially so in a basement against outside walls). I also wouldn't like her attitude, if you are changing her less than market rate, its quite a teenager ish thing to say

Longdistance · 11/05/2021 20:00

I agree with her that it is her room, but fucking hell! It sounds like a shit tip. She needs to wind her neck in and sort it out. Give her a timeline. ‘Sort it by x or you need to find somewhere else to live as this is my house and room’.

stayathomer · 11/05/2021 20:02

I have tesxt het asking her what the hell she is playing at
She is but with that text you've lost already, you attack someone they're hardly going to say 'you're so right!'

bunglebee · 11/05/2021 20:02

Functionally she's a lodger and you can reasonably boot her if she doesn't keep her home in a way that's acceptable to you, so boot her. She won't change and you're not her parent. She can pay market rent somewhere else and do as she pleases.

LittleOwl153 · 11/05/2021 20:05

I'd go further that you did. I'd say that if the room is not cleared and cleaned by Sunday she will need find alternative accommodation.
I would also say that if she cannot keep it clean and respect your home going forward she also needs to leave. If that's the case I'd give her a limited notice period.

SandysMam · 11/05/2021 20:08

Not the point of your thread but I would so love to tidy a room like this!! Super satisfying! If she complained about you going through her stuff I would tell her that if she lives in your house, she either keeps it clean herself or you will! But that’s just me, and I am weird Grin

user1471538283 · 11/05/2021 22:03

Dear god! I would tell her to sort it out to your satisfaction or she leaves. The clothes on the floor I can kind of get (although I wouldn't do it) but rubbish and sleeping without bed linen!

coffeefi · 12/05/2021 11:12

Is she 13?

newnortherner111 · 12/05/2021 11:21

YANBU. It is your house, and dirty clothes will be a magnet for flies and other insects now that it is time when windows will be opened.

CrotchetyQuaver · 12/05/2021 11:27

YANBU
your house your rules and either she tidies up and keeps it clean and puts linen on the bed or goes.

That is disgusting, she's being a complete pig.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 12/05/2021 11:29

@TravellingSpoon

There wasn't even sheets on the bed, the ones I had given her are obviously somewhere in there and she is just sleeping on my bare mattress with a duvet and pillow which dont have covers.
That is absolutely revolting, I would not have that in my home. Its incredibly disrespectful seeing as its your house.
Ragwort · 12/05/2021 11:31

Why do people text about things like this, she's your sister - surely the thing to do is to have a face to face conversation rather than being passive aggressive and texting each other.

Wafflewombat · 12/05/2021 11:33

Will ruin the mattress. I have a messy house but always have sheets & mattress protectors on. Grim.