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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give our child the same name as a family member

33 replies

pearlsandpetals · 11/05/2021 18:52

Hi all,
So I'm currently pregnant and me and partner have been trying to think of names. We really really love one particular name and it goes so well with our surname which lots of other names we liked don't. The only problem is my partner has a cousin who has a daughter with the same name. He is not close to this cousin and never speaks or hears from them, they are simply just friends on facebook and maybe see each other on special occasions e.g. weddings, funerals etc. We really love the name but don;'t want to be viewed as 'name copiers'. Do you think this would be an issue?

OP posts:
Littlebelina · 11/05/2021 18:54

No but we have lots of overlap in our family so may be biased

pinkunicorn20 · 11/05/2021 18:54

I'd go for it if you love it

TheChosenTwo · 11/05/2021 18:56

I think it’s a total non issue.
My neighbour stopped talking to one of her oldest friends because she named her son the same as hers! As in totally cut her off and never spoke to her again Shock I thought she was crackers before that but fuck me I couldn’t have been more shocked tbh!

UpTheJunktion · 11/05/2021 18:57

Non issue.
Use the name.

Original poster
pearlsandpetals · 11/05/2021 19:01

Thanks all for your comments!

OP posts:
xela21 · 11/05/2021 19:04

YABU, sorry.

MadeForThis · 11/05/2021 19:04

Not a problem

Coldties · 11/05/2021 19:07

I don’t think it’s a problem at all but if you think the other people might be funny with you, drop them a Facebook message and say you are planning on using the name hope that’s not an issue. Most people would reply that it’s fine go for it!

MelissaVonStressel · 11/05/2021 19:08

Would the children have the same surname as well? And are your DH's grandparents still alive?

Original poster
pearlsandpetals · 11/05/2021 19:09

@MelissaVonStressel No they would have different surnames and the grandparents on that side of the family are sadly no longer alive.

OP posts:
FiveGs · 11/05/2021 19:11

My dad and brother have identical names (first, middle and, obviously, surname). I'm named for my living (and amazing!) aunt. No one bats an eyelid. We're referred to as 'little Bob' or 'little Polly' etc. Doesn't bother me at all. Go for it if you love the name.

modgepodge · 11/05/2021 19:13

We had a similar dilemma, one of my cousins children. It would have meant my grandparents had 4 great grandchildren and half of them called the same thing 😂 In the end we used it as a middle name, but that wasn’t the deciding factor, if we hadn’t had any other options we would have used it anyway. Like you, we only see the cousin at family events every year or 2 max.

GrimDamnFanjo · 11/05/2021 19:15

My brother did this. Same for both names. We don't see much of them and they don't live nearby. I really don't think it matters.

SunshineCake · 11/05/2021 19:17

I thought I had to change my choice for my son as someone in my group had their baby first and used the same name. Ridiculous. Kept the name. Haven't seen the mother in 19 years.

Pick. The. Name.

AmyLou100 · 11/05/2021 19:19

My immediate thought on hearing her name would be 'oh just like cousins daughter' Sorry but it does sound like you would be copying the name.

3CCC · 11/05/2021 19:21

Think it depends what the Mamie and how unique it is.
A Victoria, Emily, Emma, type name fine

Hyacinth Bluebell on the other hand

upsydaisyssinging · 11/05/2021 19:23

I have a cousin with the same name as me and several names are used multiple times in our family (there are 4 Johns, three Marys, two James) it does mean that the elder on gets called big Mary or big John or whatever, but generally not a problem.

Lou98 · 11/05/2021 19:32

I personally think it depends on the name. As you're not close with the cousin if it's a name that's fairly common or not too "out there" etc then I think it's absolutely fine to use it. If however, it's a really unusual/unique name that is quite rare to hear then I would say it will very much look as though you've copied their name.

Maryann1975 · 11/05/2021 19:46

We have a nephew with the same name as dhs cousin (same side of the family). I can only think of one occasion in the past 10 years where the two of them have been in the same room. It’s really not an issue and nephew has chosen to shorten his anyway (think name like Robert, shortened to Bob), so it really is a non issue in our family.

Original poster
pearlsandpetals · 11/05/2021 19:46

Thanks all - it's a fairly common name (in top 20), definitely not unusual so I don't think it would seem like we were copying

OP posts:
Lou98 · 11/05/2021 19:59

@pearlsandpetals

Thanks all - it's a fairly common name (in top 20), definitely not unusual so I don't think it would seem like we were copying

Yeah in that case I would say definitely go for it! Even if you were close with the cousin I would say it isn't a problem

FTEngineerM · 11/05/2021 20:04

We inadvertently did this, almost twice! It’s fine

KizzyMoo · 11/05/2021 20:04

I have 2 male cousins who called their daughters the same name and they have the same surname. It's odd.

bananaboats · 11/05/2021 20:56

I think it's fine given the relationship with the parents and the fact they won't have the same last name

TakeMe2Insanity · 11/05/2021 21:01

Use the name. My dc has the same name as my cousin’s cousin. I met my cousin’s cousin once in childhood and never since but really liked the name!