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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child maintenance

27 replies

Tiredbear1011 · 11/05/2021 16:38

I am trying to move 60 miles away from my sons dad, during mediation he said that his fuel cost would be £200 (I used to run that car and I worked it out to be £115) to do the trip 6 times a month, he has said he should not have to pay any child maintenance (he's on 30k a year and lives with his aunt) and I have offered to split the trips. Do you guys think this is unreasonable? I don't know how he's capable of making me second guess everything but here we are lol. Thanks for your time!!

OP posts:
Pinkpaisley · 11/05/2021 16:41

It’s going to be more than 6 trips a month if he wants to be actively involved in his child’s life. He will want to show up for school plays, parent-teacher meetings, etc.

Original poster
Tiredbear1011 · 11/05/2021 16:45

In 4 years he hasn't taken a day to do any of that so I have gone with the assumption that the situation will stay the same and he will only have his arranged weekends.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 11/05/2021 17:23

The person who moves would usually be advised by the courts to make the access trips. Travel costs can be deducted from child support in certain circumstances where the other parent has chosen to move away.

HugeAckmansWife · 11/05/2021 17:30

It's not always as simple as 'who moved does the travel'. If the nrp does bugger all day to day parenting and the RP is moving to access more family support or a better job to pay childcare or cheaper housing then I think a 50/50 split of the travel us more than fair, seeing as the nrp is doing naff all else. My ex whines a lot about the travel because I moved for all the reasons stated above after he left and chose eow contact only. I guarantee the day to day running about is the harder job but seems less dramatic than a few big journeys and crucially, is harder to quantify. 60 miles isn't really all that far depending on the route.

Original poster
Tiredbear1011 · 11/05/2021 17:41

Thanks for your feedback! I'm mainly moving because he has and still is trying every intimidating trick he can including his new partner following me around shops and his friends literally walking out in front of my car so I can't drive down my road. As I mentioned, his working life cannot be disrupted. I'm just driving myself crazy thinking about it all with mediation still in the works. Thanks again!!

OP posts:
ThatIsMyPotato · 11/05/2021 17:46

If you google fuel cost calculator that brings some stuff up. But I think offering to do one way of the journey shows you want to help facilitate contact

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 11/05/2021 17:57

Put in a claim with the CMS. Offer to do the journey one way. Let him take you to court if he's unhappy with it. Also, complain to the police about his harassment of you, then at least there will be a record of it that you can use in court to show why moving was reasonable.

Happycat1212 · 11/05/2021 18:48

I do think if you’re moving away you should share the travel, I think he can get his child maintenance reduced for travel coats but not sure how much etc

CupoTeap · 11/05/2021 19:13

Maintenance is for the child not to offset his fuel costs

TwoAndAnOnion · 11/05/2021 19:29

I think he can get his child maintenance reduced for travel coats but not sure how much etc no you cant

Happycat1212 · 11/05/2021 19:32

*When a paying parent can apply for a variation

If you are a paying parent you can ask for certain expenses, which reduce your gross income, to be taken into account. These are called 'special expenses' and are for:

the cost of keeping in regular contact with the child or children you pay child maintenance for – for example, the cost of fuel to travel between your home and the child’s home*

Erm yes you can!

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 11/05/2021 19:35

@CupoTeap

But CMS allow the NRP to make a claim to reduce maintenance due to travel costs.

Brokenpencilsarepointless · 11/05/2021 19:36

@TwoAndAnOnion

Yes, he can. Please dont post incorrect information to people looking for help. It isnt helpful.

Lollypop4 · 11/05/2021 19:37

I moved 140 miles away.
We meet in the middle every 3rd weekend ( His job wont allow any more weekends but he has them for a 4 days during school holidays (easter , half term ect start and end of summer hols aswell as usual weekends)
Maintenance is'nt taken out fo his fuel consumption.

user648482729 · 11/05/2021 19:42

I would work it using a fuel calculator and also take into consideration that you’ll be splitting the trips.
It doesn’t seem fair that you’re having to move based on his behaviour but cms will consider it if he asks them to.

toocold54 · 11/05/2021 19:47

Does he pay maintenance already?
I believe the travel costs would be taken out of it but it shouldn’t be the full amount.

Footloosefancyfree · 11/05/2021 19:49

If your moving away you need to be responsible for the costs for travel and make your ds available.

Frankola · 11/05/2021 19:58

A solicitor would advise you that unless you have clear evidence of a reason you need to move away from where he lives then you are responsible for providing the access for contact I believe

LemonSqueezy0 · 11/05/2021 20:01

The CMS do take into account travel costs but they aren't very generous so you would literally be talking having to get from Scotland to London. 60 miles isn't that much/far tbh.

I would advise the police of the various intimidations and harrasment and consider getting a restraining order if his behaviour warrants it (this includes those working on his behalf) he will likely try to intimidate you further and control your life if he feels you are getting "too big for your boots" . Don't let him.

NailsNeedDoing · 11/05/2021 20:12

The parent that is choosing to move away should do the travelling to enable contact with the other parent, so if you do that, he has no need to reduce the maintenance. He shouldn’t have to spend an extra £115/200 every month because you are moving.

Gooseberrypies · 11/05/2021 20:16

@NailsNeedDoing

The parent that is choosing to move away should do the travelling to enable contact with the other parent, so if you do that, he has no need to reduce the maintenance. He shouldn’t have to spend an extra £115/200 every month because you are moving.
OP shouldn't have to move because he is harrassing her.
Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 11/05/2021 20:26

60 miles is nothing anyway. What a chancer to think he should get out of paying maintenance on the basis of a fairly short drive.

ALevelhelp · 11/05/2021 20:29

I think if you move away it would be nice to offer to share travel, this is what we used to do with Ex.
Then when he moved further away from us a couple of years ago we stopped helping at all - he'd had 13 years of us doing a lot to help by then (and taken the Mickey a lot!)

HugeAckmansWife · 11/05/2021 20:51

nails it really isn't as simple as that. That takes absolutely no account of any of the back story or reasons for the move that could well take precedence over making sporadic or minimal contact with an uninvolved nrp the priority. So often, as in my case, the nrp chose eow contact only and then gets to play the hard done by martyr when he has to make a bit of an effort to see his kids for a Disney dad weekend, while the RP, who does basically everything day to day is the bad guy because they did one thing to make that day to day life actually work. A blanket 'you moved' is not the right response in every case.

Original poster
Tiredbear1011 · 12/05/2021 16:39

Thank you for all the responses, clearly I will just have to see what happens. I have offered to split the trips but as his dad hasn't paid a penny in 4yrs and has enough money for more than one expensive hobby I flat out refuse for my son to pay to see him 🤷🏻‍♀️ I'm past caring if that's unreasonable to be honest. If anyone else in a similar situation reads this I'm happy to share whatever the outcome may be. Stay sane ✌

OP posts:
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