Would you have done something about this teacher?

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DSister got herself into a muddle a couple of years ago. Middle child and wanted attention. (Not that she wasn't getting it at home). She got really close to this young female teacher and she 'opened up' to her by lying about things that were apparently happening at home. It got so bad social services were involved and I had to step in as main carer even though she despised me at the time but I kept my cool and really took care of her. DP were in bits. When I went to the school to pick her up this teacher was sat alongside my sister and the safeguarding officer and it was obvious that my sister trusted only her at this time. I found it weird as we were leaving the teacher told DS to 'make sure you eat your dinner' but as the teacher was in a position of trust I didn't question anything.

Anyway, when things were being talked through with the social services it became apparent that it was all a lie as the story kept changing. Eventually she opened up to one of the social workers that her teacher had been emailing her (it was the school holidays ). After the emails were requested for, there was one email that till this day bothers me. The teacher was encouraging bad behaviour saying 'if there's ever a time to be a stroppy teenager, now is the time to do it'. For context, DS had responded to her 'how are you email' by saying I asked her if she missed our parents and how she hated that I would ask her such a thing. There was also emails of 'I'm thinking about you'. If it was a male teacher this entire situation would have been very different.

At the time, my only focus was getting DS back and not upsetting her so I couldn't do anything about this teacher and I didn't want her to turn around and say 'you took away the only person I trust'. Social services tried to do something about it and a third party company who look into these things concluded she was not a threat to the students. But tbh I think she is. She was formally told not to speak to my DS and then eventually left (she was planning to leave before all this).

It irritates me that this teacher is still around students and while I want to believe that she was just being nice. I also wonder whether she understands that there are certain lines that you don't cross.

I don't know why I'm getting this on here. I guess I just want to know what would you have done? And did I do the right thing by 'allowing here'?

What do you think should happen - it was investigated at the time - she was found not to be a risk (so I guess also not to have acted inappropriately) - maybe focus on your DS and support her - calling her a liar isn;t helpful

That's not the point of this post though is it

I’m not sure the teacher did anything that wrong. She wasn’t to know your sister was lying - she thought she was helping her at a very difficult time.

Her comment about being a stroppy teenager might just have meant ‘it’s ok if you’re behaviour isn’t stellar right now with everything that’s going on’ - without context it’s hard to know if it was anything more sinister than that.

I’m glad your sister is in a better place now but I’m not sure this teacher’s behaviour warrants being away from students. That said, there may be nuances not included in your OP which change things.

What is the point of it then? Something was 'done wasn't it?

@MishMashMummy

I’m not sure the teacher did anything that wrong. She wasn’t to know your sister was lying - she thought she was helping her at a very difficult time.

Her comment about being a stroppy teenager might just have meant ‘it’s ok if you’re behaviour isn’t stellar right now with everything that’s going on’ - without context it’s hard to know if it was anything more sinister than that.

I’m glad your sister is in a better place now but I’m not sure this teacher’s behaviour warrants being away from students. That said, there may be nuances not included in your OP which change things.

Yes I mostly feel this too. Glad someone else also sees it this way

If the emails have been read and acted in by SS and another investigating body, and they found no harm, I’d let it go.
The teacher was young, and would have been warned about professionalism, distancing herself and how vulnerable it would make her.
But tbh, it’s bloody hard as a young, idealistic teacher not to want to help. To try and fix the damaged, broken, neglected and generally fucked-up children you see every day.
Takes a while to grow a shell and always go though official channels. And watch every interaction carefully, thinking before you reach out.
I hope your sister is more stable, has rebuilt her family relationships and is doing well. She must have been in a very bad place.

You said she left. Do you mean the school or the profession?
It sounds as if this was yet another young teacher that found the demands of the job too much. The drop-out rate in the first 5 years is huge.

Sounds like the teacher was just trying to help a teenager she thought was in trouble

It sounds to me like a line was crossed. Looking out for your students is one thing, but if a pupil is reporting issues at home, then it becomes a safeguarding issue. Teachers are not personal counsellors, they're not there to give advice or get personally involved to the point of emailing about anything other than school work. There's no 'being nice' about it, welfare checks are not part of the job unless specifically in the position to do so, and personal emails is certainly running a risk of being misinterpreted.

What can you do about it now? Probably nothing. The teacher probably came away from it thinking what a caring soul she is, not how badly she went down the rabbit hole with your sister and her issues. Hopefully she has learned to tread more carefully in future though, and for every person like your sister it would be a shame if she missed real abuse in future due to caution.

@AryaStarkWolf

Sounds like the teacher was just trying to help a teenager she thought was in trouble

And sadly probably won't again.

This is why teachers are fed up with trying to be everything that the public seem to expect. They are expected to take an interest in troubled pupils and listen to their problems. This one did that and now a relative thinks it was inappropriate. What the hell are they supposed to do?

What the hell are they supposed to do?

Not get personally involved. Teaching 101 - you can and should listen out for anything concerning, but once reported it's not your personal responsibility. Getting too close to one student is not worth your health or career.

It's very difficult. I have a student in a similar position who is leaning on me very heavily outside school hours. Trying to get them less dependent without risking her mental health is hard. I find the situation really stressful. Knowing that some people would think that I am a risk or dangerous is really upsetting to hear when I am just trying to help a struggling young person.

It sounds like the teacher was the only one there for her when she was going through a really troubling time.
The comment you mentioned doesn't exactly ring alarm bells, I also don't think she's telling her to misbehave - just that she was allowed to be angry. Also telling her to make sure she eats isn't a red flag is it?
Honestly, the teacher sounds like she was trying to help a child in need, and tbh now that a big deal was made, probably won't be able to in future. That's the saddest part of this post.

Oh my god! Your sister was the one lying and somehow the teacher is the one who should be in trouble?

This is why I am glad I am not a teacher any more!

The teacher was inexperienced and crossed lines. I can completely see your point of view OP.

As PPs have said, the teacher was new to the profession and followed her heart, rather than head to comfort your sister. Yes it was unprofessional and it shouldn't have happened, but it seems she was still a positive influence for your sister, and someone who helped her during a very difficult time?

Their communication wasn't appropriate because of the teacher's position- not because of the content.

I agree with pps, the teacher seemed well intentioned and believed your sister (rightly so- involving SS was the correct action). Her mistake was to get too emotionally involved out of sympathy and concern.

I don't agree that the teacher's comment "if there's a time to be a stroppy teen, it's now" was encouraging bad behaviour. You mention losing your parents at this time? I assume she meant "show your emotions, you're allowed to express whatever you feel, even if you feel like screaming or stamping your feet"

You seem quite hung up on that comment, which I think you misinterpreted.

After a couple of years, it seems odd to raise this now
Has something happened to warrant you revisiting this issue

Sounds like the teacher was young and nieve and trying to help what she thought was a young girl in trouble. She overstepped a bit but if your sister hadn't been lying she'd have been right to

It sounds as though you went through a difficult time Op.

You mention talking about missing your parents and becoming the main carer? Did you get put temporarily into foster care or did you take on parental responsibilities while this was being investigated?
That must have been difficult and you probably have a lot of unresolved feelings over it. Can you talk to anyone in real life? Perhaps you are focusing "blame" on the teacher?

It all sounds very traumatic for you.

Yes, aggression in dysfunctional families is often directed away from those responsible and on to anyone trying to help and support.
Teachers, police, social workers, health professionals and the rest.
Sometimes it’s unfocused, sometimes they need to vent and sometimes they are trying to deflect attention from their own actions.
Either way, the OP needs to direct her energy into ensuring her family functions.
The teacher’s behaviour and emails were looked at and dealt with by the correct people.
I hope she’s moved out of the profession and the area for her own well-being.

@roseapothecary

It's very difficult. I have a student in a similar position who is leaning on me very heavily outside school hours. Trying to get them less dependent without risking her mental health is hard. I find the situation really stressful. Knowing that some people would think that I am a risk or dangerous is really upsetting to hear when I am just trying to help a struggling young person.

You should never be corresponding with students outside of school hours. safeguarding 101!!

Our safeguarding lead told me I can but to try to encourage the student to contact the SW instead. SW also know and want to discourage it but have not labelled it a safeguarding concern.
This student disclosed the abuse by email outside of school hours.

You should never be corresponding with students outside of school hours. safeguarding 101

And that’s the line you walk, because the alternative might be a runaway or a suicide. Good that you are keeping your lead in the picture though. Good luck, roseapothecary.