Possible suspension?!?

[GoodHairDay86]

Its my 1st post here not sure if I'll get flamed but I've thick skin so here goes..

DD 12 year 7 generally a good girl no problems so far at school. She was on the playground at break time when another child randomly pulled her hair. She reacted by pushing him to the ground, a crowd formed and were mocking him "haha you got floored by a girl" type of stuff he was embarrassed and left and she continued her break.
Next lesson the deputy head pulls her out of lesson and they are both put into isolation separately. No idea what was said to him but she was told off for reacting how she did, said her violence is what created the crowd and that she may be suspended.

This is all her side of the story. I emailed yesterday and the deputy will be contacting me later today.

Im super annoyed if this is how it went down because I think she shouldn't be punished for defending herself. She's never had a fight before and honestly I'm so shocked she reacted that way because it isn't her way if you see what I mean.

So I won't start the convo with deputy all heated but I feel she is being blamed for something that wouldn't have happened if he kept his hands to himself. If she had floored him and then started kicking or punching hell yea thats too far but the kid wasn't hurt only his pride so I think leave it there lesson learned.

We've told our daughter that we are behind her 100% and that if thats what happened we are OK with what she did even proud, but that we will be hearing what the school has to say aswell.

So AIBU fir being pissed off before I've even spoken to the school?

Retaliation and defence are not the same thing.

Thank you to everyone some really good advise and opinions here. Just to update ive tried to call yesterday and today to be told she was in a meeting both times and she would call me back. She hasn't. I've emailed again politely reminding her I'd like a chat x

It’s crap. From the schools view violence is violence even in wed defence. Sounds harsh to suspend them

Ask whether the playground is covered by cctv. If so, it might have captured the incident, but be quick as it may be recorded over within days.

If DD was going to be excluded, the Deputy Head would be prioritising it a bit more than it sounds from your posts. Most likely, she was put in isolation whilst they investigated and given a telling off. If she does similar again, she may well be given a fixed-term exclusion, so she needs to walk away and report any further incidents.

He shouldn't have pulled her hair but then her pushing him to the ground could have had serious consequences like him cracking his head open.

If a crowd formed round them I'd wonder if it was just her giving him a push and he fell over

I fully believe in self-defence. My children are well aware I would never condone them hitting first but if they are hurt by someone else, fair game to defend fairly. Schools have always been poor in respect of bullying.
My eldest has additional needs and a smaller horrid child has taunted him for two years making him cry. A couple of weeks back the lad shoulder barged him and my son finally retaliated doing the same and sending him flying into the dirt because he is much bigger and stronger. I cheered internally.

To be honest, whatever the other child did, there's no excuse for violence. They will need to give both punishment but should be proportional. Pulling hair is not right but not as serious as hitting

I can't believe some posters are minimising the initial assault of hair pulling. Way to go, victim blaming a female child ffs the world has gone mad.

If your husband came up behind you and grabbed you by the hair what would you do.... Just stand there because laying hands on him wouldn't be proportionate!?

People forget our only born with tool is flight or fight.....her body chose fight reaction, and rightly so hope the little sod thinks twice before he trys a stunt like that again....and to the poster saying he could have sit his head open.... Yes and he could easily have done that tripping over his laces as well.

A boy assaults a girl, and she could get suspended? No way is that ok. The school is condoning behaviour that unfortunately then becomes entrenched in later life. Has the school not heard of #metoo?

This was the kind of thing that often happened in school playgrounds years ago, and no big fuss was made out of it. The children used to get sent to the HEADS office,for a talking to,and that was that,and if any small injury was caused,it was dealt with in school.

But your daughter was right in sticking up for herself, so hopefully the boy will back off in future..

@minniemomo

To be honest, whatever the other child did, there's no excuse for violence. They will need to give both punishment but should be proportional. Pulling hair is not right but not as serious as hitting

Self defence is not violence. Pushing isn’t hitting.

No wonder boys and men think they’re untouchable with suggestions like this that their victim should be punished harder.

Imo. This girl was assaulted. If she was an adult and a man approached her in the street and grabbed her hair. That's assault. I was once attacked at 12 years old by six girls. No reason, just for their fun. I reacted, self defence, and these girls never attacked me again. Sign your daughter up for self defence classes. The adult world is teeming with idiots who pray on women.

You are allowed to defend yourself using reasonable force by law. I had the exact same problem with my youngest who was the victim in playground bullying and defended himself. The school tried to defend their policy but we kept quoting the law to them. If your DD defended herself than good for her.

She was defending herself against assault. Tell the school that if your daughter is punished for self-defence, you will be reporting the initial attack to the police and reporting them to the governors.

In real life, do women have to put up with men randomly pulling their hair without defending themselves? Absolutely not.

I’m so happy to hear when mothers defend their daughters properly and competently. Good for you, @GoodHairDay86: I’m sure your loving support is priceless to her.

I’m sorry this happened to your girl. I hope the school catch themselves on.

I went to a very monocultural school and the one Black girl in our year got a lot of unwanted attention for her hair. Idk what your daughter’s school is like but if there was possibly a curiosity/racist othering motivation for this boy I hope the school is sensitive to that and willing to address it.

Have you spoke to school yet?

I’m a teacher and I hate in school having to spout the crap about not fighting back to kids and that they need to come and tell a teacher. When I have kids I will teach them to grow up being kind and not starting fights, but that if anyone touches them they stick up for themselves.

I don’t know your daughter and I am proud of her!

Sorry but I have drummed into my daughter if someone hits you you hit them back.

I will not have my child not retaliate. I've drummed it into her I will speak to the school if anything ever happens.

I will not have my child be an easy target for bullies.

YANBU. My daughter is in the same year at school, and the boys in her class have been an absolute pain in the tits all year.

In fact, good on your daughter!