Am I sulking?

@Bibbetyboo Sounds like you're both a little stressed out. A relationship in general needs to be grounded around love and respect, especially one where you live together and raise children.

It sounds like both of you are coming from places of frustration and it's not serving either one of you.

I would recommend counselling. A safe place to ask questions, get opinions and discuss options and resolutions. There are lots of ways to see a counsellor online these days and I would highly recommend it.

When I am not showing up as my best self I connect with my therapist to see why and usually its stemming from some sort of insecurity of mine own.

Good Luck!

Could he be calling your bluff?

If you don't want a divorce you need to go in warning the white flag and start talking to him.

Waving the white flag!

You need to have an adult conversation. Not playing games.

You also need to seek help for PND if you haven’t already.

Neither of you are seeing the other person. Think you’re both too focussed on yourselves rather than the bigger picture.

I think counseling would be a good idea.
It seems that your both backed into corners here. If you don't want a divorce you need to start communicating with him about what you do want.

Lots of barriers being put up and not much bridge building.
Stay with saying you don't want a divorce. It is hard when all your sense of humour and joy has been sucked out of you - it's hard for both though not just the one who is gripped by it, and it can become a vicious circle. Both of you impact on each other, you're suffering together, though it seems each other is the problem... but things can only improve if you both recognise this and start building your way out of it. Sometimes has to start and it doesn't matter who.
Acknowledging how each of you have been struggling to keep your head above water is a good place to get the communication going.

Screaming only raises your pressure. You're feeling stressed and you need to communicate.

Get a pencil. Stick a white triangle paper piece to it and wave it under his nose. Tell him you want to talk.

Arrange to meet him at the pub. You won't be tempted to shout in the company of others and more likely to discuss. Plus it's easier to walk away from each other and storm into another room if it's done at home.

Don't tell him what he should be doing or what he's not doing or anything about what he does that's not right. It's not constructive - he'll say you're nagging.

Tell him you're feeling the pressure of the house. Explain your feelings - of how you feel like the unpaid help. Gawd knows raising kids and running a house is the hardest job on the planet. I know of some blokes who tend to have the mindset that they work hard 9 till 6 so that gives them the right to put their feet up the rest of the night.

But look for a solution. Would a rota work for certain things? If you're at home it's reasonable to think you do the most housework, but definitely not it all.

Big hugs

He’s clearly got his faults but you say you screamed at him and are now giving him the silent treatment so you’re behaving extremely badly too. What a horrible toxic environment for a child.

If you’re struggling and think you have PND then you need to seek help. That’s your responsibility as an adult and a parent. You can’t use it as an excuse for treating him like shit.

As a spouse, you need to stop stropping and talk to your husband like a grown up.

Yes, of course you’re sulking. You know how corrosive and cruel being blanked or ignored is so you’re hoping if you keep it up he’ll come and apologise. It’s no way to behave.

Either face up to the issues between the two of you and have a calm reasonable conversation or admit defeat and file for divorce. You can’t attempt a trial separation while you’re living under the same roof and haven’t bothered to tell the other person what you’re doing.

Is he nice to you in general?

Yes you are sulking. He's pushing you to discuss divorce to try and put an end to it. It's torturous having someone drag out an arguments for days on end. Go and talk to him properly. Tell him how you feel. Ask how he feels. No screaming. Discuss your mood and how you're going to see a GP. Discuss the division of labour and how to make it fairer. Talk about the resentment that is there between you and how to get past it. Go and do it now and make a plan of how to get through this. This isn't unusual when there's a new baby, it's so bloody hard and stressful, but you have to thrash it out because it's not doing the baby any good the pair of you getting on like this.

You phrased your post in a way that makes you sound very unreasonable. So you must be tired and stressed

You're both just... At the end of your tether.

Saying horrible things you probably don't mean in the hopes of getting a reaction from each other because you're not getting what you actually need off each other.

You've made a start in communicating properly with your paper plane.

Now try again tomorrow and tell him: I feel X about work; I am going to see a doctor about PND; when you X I feel Y and I'd like us to do Z to move forward.

Be honest without escalating to get the response you want. Give him space to tell you things you might also not want to hear. Agree on the problems - your mental health, the share of domestic work, not feeling connected, the way you communicate - and think of ways to tackle them together. If he doesn't respond how you hope initially, set the conversation down - "I want to talk about this with you but I can tell you're angry so do you want to talk about this later when you've had time to think about it" or whatever - and come back to it before it just escalates to divorce papers again.

I know this probably sounds really patronising but it's not meant to - it's just that both DH and I are naturally very reactive, childish, shouty, 'low blow' communicators when we're upset. Saying the awful things to get a reaction, storming away, escalating wildly til you can't turn it back or you feel a dick. That type of arguers... Very unhealthy.

It got us nowhere, and we agreed, before we got married, we'd get counselling seperately and then later, together, to learn how to communicate. Turns out our equally fucked up childhoods had made us really poor communicators when we were scared or our boundaries were being crossed, so we had to actually learn how, like kids learning to ride a bike. It's the best thing we've ever done for ourselves and we're MUCH better at tackling big stuff now.

I agree that you need to talk, but don’t let his threat of divorce force you into conceding and doing the majority of housework/childcare if you’re both working as well.

He could be calling your bluff or saying it to get a reaction to break the stalemate, it’s difficult to say.

How is she sulking? Really?

He was rude and dismissive to her, she said she didn't like it, he ignored , so she is not cooking etc for him for two days. She is talking to him, just not much. He's gone to the spare bedroom. He came in to her room (where she was with a baby) and turned on the light at night, with a baby asleep in the room, to force conversation OP did not seek or want

Seriously, and SHE is the one sulking? No.

Looks more to me like the man child is upset and having a tantrum, because bad wifey has dared to argue with him.🙄🤔

OP, carry on you are doing the right thing.

Maybe in a day or two sit down with him and have an honest chat, but don't let him brow beat you into submission.

It sounds like it has all got a bit much. It is a new day tomorrow. Can someone have the children and you go out for a walk and have a chat? It isn't about winners and losers, what do you both want to achieve and how can you both build respect ?

Doing everything for him, not you