TW Domestic Violence
I've just been made to feel really guilty because of "the way I'm acting" (said by family)
Long story short, Ex (D)H was / is adored by my family. To the extent they would walk in past me (pre covid) hand me their coats, not say a word and go and hug him, shake hands etc. He has a 'big important job' and comes across as very generous and caring. I soley rely on keeping myself & DS afloat on PIP & UC, however he does pay the mortgage.
We have split up nearly 2 years ago but continued living together due to circumstances. And I didn't want to be the bitch by asking him to leave so we 'happily' muddled along. During the 2years of separation we independently started divorce proceedings, 2 years with consent. I could have went for unreasonable behaviour as he had been very controlling in many aspects of our relationship but I didnt want to be 'pointing the finger' or casting blame.
Importantly here, I told my family why we were divorcing (controlling behaviour) but they put the blame on me & told me I needed to work harder on my marriage as it wasn't fair what I was putting DH through, despite me telling them what he was doing to me & DS.
Things progressively got worse and he assaulted both DS & I. DS needed medical treatment and obviously SS & police were called. DH was removed from house & not allowed access to DS. My family were aware of the assault, injury and legal action and despite this have maintained 'he didn't mean to do it, he was having a bad day'.
They celebrated his birthday with him. Cards and presents. Have invited him to a family wedding at the end of the summer. Keep on calling him 'poor wee XXX' in every conversation. Today, I lost my cool and told my family that I felt betrayed by their lack of loyalty and compassion towards my son and I and if they wanted to talk about him then could they please leave my home and do it elsewhere as both myself and son are having trauma counselling because of what he has done.
Apparently im the unreasonable one. Logically I know I'm not but I think I have been worn down so much there is something creeping in telling me I may be.
Its not like the even only have my word for it. They have DS word for it and his physical wounds. They have SS reports that say its child abuse and they have seen me crumble by being interviewed by the police etc
I know going NC is probably the best idea but we all live very close, imagine a small hamlet with 8 houses and immediate family in 5 of them. I don't rely on them for anything and I never have.
AIBU for telling my family how I feel and asking them to leave if they keep on referring to DH as the injured party?
Sorry this is so long, a bit of a brain dump...