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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a safeguarding issue?

13 replies

firemansam4penny · 10/05/2021 07:21

Name changed as this could potentially be outing. Other names obviously changed.

I have a friend (Sarah) who I have been friend with for around 10 years. Our kids went to primary together but are at different high schools- eldest kids are 14.

4 years ago she met a man (Gary) and quickly fell pregnant. He has previous DV convictions - I know this as he had an ankle tag on when they met and a curfew. They married last year and have since had another baby and she's pregnant again. So, 2 DC under 5 plus another due in July. Her eldest has behaviour problems and is under investigation for ODD. I have supported Sarah with his behaviour previously though IMO his issues are mostly poor parenting yes, judgmental, I know, but it's the truth and I would never say this to her.

My DS met up with mutual friends at the weekend and she said the eldest child was there- he had bought a knife (he said that it look like a small kitchen knife you'd use for peeling potatoes) and then asked the group if they wanted to buy some weed - he'd apparently taken some of his stepdad's stash from his shed...

I immediately text Sarah who has been totally blasé about the whole thing- she was more annoyed he'd stolen Gary's weed - apparently he's a daily user and is in a awful mood about itEnvy

Sarah works in a school with some very vulnerable children and I'm concerned that she can't spot a safeguarding risk in her own family let alone other. Gary's job is a van driver and he is clearly drug driving on a regular basis.

Our friendship is over but AIBU to consider this a safeguarding issue? Should I report? Who to?! Can it be anonymous?

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 10/05/2021 07:25

Report who? And why is your friendship over?

Original poster
firemansam4penny · 10/05/2021 07:29

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

Report who? And why is your friendship over?
I can't be friends with someone who minimises their child taking a knife to a social gathering, offering to sell drugs or the fact their husband is a habitual drug user that puts other people at risk on the road every day.

I don't even care if that makes me a snob Blush

I feel as though this is a pattern of the eldest DC's behaviour escalating and if the parents won't stop it/can't stop it who do you tell!?

OP posts:
sst1234 · 10/05/2021 07:30

Yes, report. She is willingly exposing her children to harm. She is making no attempt to remedy the situation. This will only get worse. She has made her poor choices, but the children should not bear the consequences of this. Once she is on the authorities radar, it’s only a matter of time the children are taken to safety.

UnFringed · 10/05/2021 07:30

Really? Her friendship is over because she doesn’t want a drug driving violent man, his knife carrying stepson, in her life via a friend who makes shit choices!

I’d report to the high school, what they can do I don’t know but at least it’s flagged.

sst1234 · 10/05/2021 07:31

OP you should stop apologizing for thinking that she is a poor parent and you are not a snob for disagreeing with reckless life choices. You do not need to explain, most rational people agree with you.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 10/05/2021 07:32

Yes, tell the school.

Original poster
firemansam4penny · 10/05/2021 08:12

Thanks. I will report to the school today

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 10/05/2021 08:23

Carrying a knife is against the law unless you need it for the purpose it’s intended. Drug driving is also against the law. I’d report for these things alone

MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 10/05/2021 08:26

Just be aware that she will know this comes from you. Not saying you are wrong to do it, but there may be fallout.

JaffaRaf · 10/05/2021 08:32

I’d report it, hopefully the school will be able to intervene and help the eldest now before it gets more serious. If nobody helps him it stands to reason he will end up carrying knives more regularly and having his own dealer, he needs someone to speak out for him so I think you are doing the right thing.

Original poster
firemansam4penny · 10/05/2021 12:02

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously

Just be aware that she will know this comes from you. Not saying you are wrong to do it, but there may be fallout.
How? There were a group of 5 who met up; could be anyone of those parents who reported it?
OP posts:
JackANackAnoreeee · 10/05/2021 12:04

@UnFringed

Really? Her friendship is over because she doesn’t want a drug driving violent man, his knife carrying stepson, in her life via a friend who makes shit choices!

I’d report to the high school, what they can do I don’t know but at least it’s flagged.

Exactly this bloody hell!
JackANackAnoreeee · 10/05/2021 12:05

She might guess it was you because you might be the only one who flagged it with her. That said if it's right to report that shouldn't stop you.

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