Would this worry you?

[Jettive]

This is my first post but I've been lurking on this site for a while.

My sons dad is a good dad so I'm in no way looking for reasons for him not to see son.

My son is now almost 5 months old and sees son regularly and also has him overnight every couple of weeks. He has a travel cot thing for son and he told me that son won't settle in it and that he just cries whenever he's put down, so he co sleeps with him. I don't do this and my son settles fine in his cot for me (and does in the cot here for my ex when he's doing bedtime).

I'm not sure that he's looked it up online either, he just has son next to him.

Would this worry you?

Both our babies also hated travel cots. Does he have space for a proper cot? Lots of people co sleep although I never have, maybe send him some links on how tondo it safely.

As long as he follows the safe co-sleeping guidelines it's wouldn't be at all. However I would definitely ask him if he is following the guidelines and research safe co-sleeping for yourself so you know what he should be doing.

There is a Facebook group called UK co-sleepers (or something like that, it's been a while since I've been on it) where you and he can get advice and information on co sleeping.

Yes. Cosleeping needs to be done really safely and I'd also be concerned as baby doesn't cosleep every night so it's not a routine for baby.

Also if he only stays with his dad overnight every few weeks I'm not surprised he won't settle in a cot at his house. The one at your house is his bed so he's used to it, he probably needs the extra comfort and reassurance at his dads.

DS was a terrible sleeper and co-slept for almost 2 years. He's now in his own room in a floor bed and sleeps fine 8pm-6am but does still need a lot of cuddling to get to sleep.

Hopefully the link will work below to the safe co-sleeping guidelines.

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

No, not really. I would be pointing him towards safe co-sleeping guidelines and reminding him that DS will soon be able to manouvre off the bed and be able to wander so it might be worth looking into making the room safe for him but there's not much else you can do.

It sounds like he's just in a routine of sleeping in bed with his Dad when he's there

Wouldn't bother me at all. Agree baby probably more unsettled due to less familiar environment so co-sleeping a better solution.

Wouldn’t bother me for safety

Would bother me that confusing for baby to sometimes co sleep and sometimes not and might impact bedtimesbwith me

Are you worried ex has had alcohol?

@Aprilwasverywet

Are you worried ex has had alcohol?

surely that would have been something relevant to mention in the OP if the case!

It would worry me if he hasn't researched safe sleeping guidelines. E.g. ensuring that there are no blankets or pillows too close to your baby. I think he would benefit from reading about the safe sleep seven.

One of the guidelines is that it needs to be a breastfeeding mother although I'm not sure at what age that advice isn't necessary anymore.

As long as he was co sleeping safely I wouldn't mind as I have done with all of my dc. You can get a thicker mattress for a travel cot though. They are about a tenner and are the same thickness as a proper cot mattress.

@Aprilwasverywet

Are you worried ex has had alcohol?

Ex doesn't drink so that's not what I'm worried about. I'm worried that when ds gets abit older he'll be confused as to why he sleeps in his cot here but doesn't at his dads and I'm not sure if he's doing it properly.

I’ve always co slept with my youngest. She’s always had her own bed and dads and grandmas. Never been an issue.

Yes, it would worry me. I don’t agree with cosleeping; it’s not safe and never done in the best interests of the child.

He doesn’t settle because it isn’t his cot and it won’t be his usual routine, usual smells, possibly because you aren’t there. I think he’s too small to be having overnight visits tbh.

Cosleeping is fine fwiw, I’ve done it safely with all of my DC. It actually saved my sanity . But yeah, I don’t think a 5 month old should be having overnight visits personally.

@emilyfrost, co-sleeping has been done by humans for thousands of years and still is across the world.

It is absolutely safe if done sensibly 🙄

Why would it worry you? I’ve co slept with all of mine, my 4 year old is still in my bed

Being totally honest happycat that probably isn’t the best advert for co sleeping however from a safety perspective there is clearly a massive difference between five months and four years.

I’m sure your four year old has cows milk too but it doesn’t mean it’s suitable for five month old babies

I’ve co slept with her since she was a baby 🤦‍♀️

No, this wouldn't worry me at all. Just point him to safe cosleeping guidance.

Exactly happycat

Co-sleeping is absolutely natural and where babies want to be. It's only since Victorian times that babies have been expected to sleep separately.
If that's what works for him that's fine, and if that what works for you then that's fine too.

Sorry yes, i think you expecting the dad to do it your way is unreasonable

If think you should talk to dad about getting a cot to put next to his bed so his sleep space is consitant and you don't have to worry.