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To ask you how you changed your life?

38 replies

WickedQueen · 09/05/2021 23:55

I’m at a big crossroads in my life just now. I want a big career change. I want to tear it all up and start again and I don’t even know where to begin.

What I do know is that I am desperately unhappy and I need to fix it.

Has anyone ever just...ripped it up and started again? Not just in work - any aspect of life? Did you ever regret it?

OP posts:

lydia2021 · 10/05/2021 00:06

Dumped all the bad people in my life. Realised who was lying, manipulating and playing games. Have a happy care free life now living on Dartmoor


WickedQueen · 10/05/2021 01:03

I feel like I have made some terrible, terrible choices. I don’t know what to do. I can’t afford to undo them.

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 10/05/2021 01:19

I changed careers - was a Nurse for 35 years but just had enough and changed direction although to a job which pays a lot less but meant I was a lot happier.


squeezingin · 10/05/2021 01:23

OP, I know how you feel about the terrible choices. I am constantly consumed by my own terrible choices/lack of assertiveness allowing others to choose for me, and also currently attempting a huge career change. I don’t really have any wisdom, but have some Flowers


Spartak · 10/05/2021 01:25

Yes, I went back to nightschool when I was in my thirties, and took an A Level. I then went and did a health care related degree, and graduated just before I was 40. I now have a job that I love, in a part of the country I love living.


georgarina · 10/05/2021 02:21

I changed careers - quit the job I hated, subscribed to a magazine about the career I wanted to go into (known for being hard to get into, all word of mouth, etc).

Found out through an interview in the magazine about a course to get into the industry - it was cheap and less than a year long. Applied and got in. Had to defer a year because I had DS the month before I was supposed to start. Through that I got my current job.


MeanderingGently · 10/05/2021 02:33

Took several years to change my life was a long time ago.

I learned to drive. I had a disabled child, I found out I could get carer's allowance which I used for driving lessons as I had no money, no job, no nothing. Applied for a motability car which was accepted, it meant I could drive my child to appointments/special school etc. It also meant I had transport for the first time in my life and therefore could get a job, the motability paid for the car.

Started off with any job I could manage, which at first was rubbish stuff, but it gave me cash. I used the cash to retrain and finally land a job with some sort of career structure. I then divorced my husband, it got me out of a terrible family situation and was better for the children and me....

Years later the children left home and are independent, I moved to better jobs and to a completely different part of the country. Utterly different from the life I had before.


Redhound · 10/05/2021 02:56

Yes- I quit my stable, public sector job, left my abusive partner of 15 years, sold my house and moved 180 miles alone to start again in an area which I didn't know at all and where I knew no one. That was over seven years ago, I now live a totally different lifestyle with a very different job, with my animals and a lovely new boyfriend. best decision ever. Sometimes you just need to start over.


MrsTroutfire · 10/05/2021 03:05

Changed career a few years ago in my early 30s, leaving a sales/project management-ish job in a big FTSE org for an operational role in a logistics company. My friend worked there and managed to get me an interview, at which I successfully convinced them that my organisation and multi tasking skills would transfer well.

It's a very different environment. Largely blue collar staff, much more blokey and less PC, but also much more racially and socially diverse - previous job was mainly white officey types and a few sikhs, but now I work with a lot of Eastern European guys and a fair few Muslim and British Jamaicans as the roles are more technical and less about business dev and schmoozing middle class white directors at lunch - we have an in house workshop with loads of mechanics etc, and also crane drivers, tanker/ADR drivers, etc. Also building a renewable energy plant atm which will power the local community. Lots of stuff I find much more interesting than writing the same old proposals again and again for people that will only skim read most of the 100+ page doc.

I've totally waffled on but this thread struck a chord with me and I've not really discussed my career change that much with anyone.

Main focus is probably keeping the fleet operational and trying to organise routes. The main person I work with daily is a 50yo guy who looks like a Hell's Angel/ZZ Top member (our workshop manager) who'd you'd never see in the corporate world.

Absolutely love it. No stuffiness or office politics and plenty of banter, but the environment is relaxed enough to tell somebody to "stop being a prick" if they're being one. I could never go back to the corporate rat race and all the bitchy colleagues gossiping and trying to get a step up but being nice to their colleagues' faces.

A big difference is that I was previously in a team of 10, who were all effectively competing for promotion to senior bid roles. I have less obvious routes for progression now, but also don't really compete with anybody and just need to ensure I manage my work ok. Typically, promotions happen when somebody else moves upwards or to another depot, and often they are prepared to train an in house candidate rather than just get somebody in with the right skillset - they seem to genuinely reward loyalty. Our depot manager was a driver, then a routing asst, then supervisor, etc etc, and now earns an absolute packet.


Smileandtheworldsmileswithyou · 10/05/2021 06:14

I moved to Asia in 2015 and my life is totally transformed and really exciting. I made a whole group of new friends but have still kept my friendship group in the UK and have travelled to lots of different countries close by. It’s been wonderful.


sunshinesontv · 10/05/2021 06:18

Yes, retrained in my 40s and now do a job I love, found the confidence to ask for a divorce and moved house.


anxietyanonymous · 10/05/2021 06:32

You cannot undo mistakes of the past. You can only reflect on them and understand them and that learning will help you make better choices at this point in your life.

One day i left my husband and my job and moved house. It was a huge overnight change. I survived. And i am happy. I was so unhappy before that that i made the changes knowing things would still be tough afterwards but that longer term id be happyZ i was right.


EmeraldShamrock · 10/05/2021 06:35

Start by putting the guilt of bad choices behind you , it's over take the lessons from it that benefited you.
Forgive the old you, everyone makes bad choices in life.
What are your thoughts on changing careers? Do you have any specific ideas?


groundcontroltomontydon · 10/05/2021 06:38

After almost 20 years in the same job (reasonably well paid, got to use my degrees) and almost as long in the same house, I spent a year planning a change which involved moving house and setting aside funds to retrain. I'd just sold my house, had my mortgage sorted and was looking for a new home when my dad became ill. He died after several months in hospital, I ended up quitting my job to take care of DM and my savings went on funeral costs and DM. I'm now stuck in a poorly paid dead end job with no financial security and no prospect of owning my own home again - so I guess I did achieve my aim of changing my life!


Reinventinganna · 10/05/2021 06:42

Passed my driving test, left xh, moved and went to uni to retrain.
I feel like a completely different person. I am I suppose.


Doggywoofy · 10/05/2021 07:34

smileandtheworldsmileswithyou that’s incredible! Id always wanted to move abroad. Do you mind saying what you do?


MoirasWigStand · 10/05/2021 07:43

Divorce. Someone commented I looked glowing the other day. 😊


JackieWeaver · 10/05/2021 07:49

Flowers You will be o.k


BulbasaurusRex · 10/05/2021 07:53

I am in the process of changing careers - nearly there. It hasn’t been a grand quitting of everything and starting again, more incremental changes that have slowly got me going in a better direction.

Any small step you take towards the life you want is a step in the right direction, and I think breaking things down into smaller things is actually more effective - more realistic but also more doable 🙂


CrazyNeighbour · 10/05/2021 07:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wiredforsound · 10/05/2021 08:00

Write down your ‘dream’ life. Then write down what is realistically achievable in the next 5 years. Then write what you would have to do to achieve it. Invest in yourself - get a career coach, or some counselling, or enrol on a course that will get you to where you want to be - get a student loan/grant if you have to - there will be a payback when you get your job.

I quit a well paid job and went back to uni to do a masters degree. I’ve never looked back. It does require you to be brave, but it is so worth it.


Hollyhocksarenotmessy · 10/05/2021 08:02


I was living in my ex's spare bedroom, working with him which was really difficult as it wasn't an amicable split, skint, really unhappy and feeling very stuck.

I moved into a cheap and not very nice flat, then after a few months left my job without another to go to and managed to admin temp until I got an entry level role in a new career.

It's only been a few years but now I rent a really lovely house, with a nice DP, and love my new career and am financially stable. It was scary at the time but no regrets at all about making the changes. I do regret the stupid decisions I made in the past but can live with them - I learned a lot.

Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and believe in ourselves. there isn't a magic wand we can wave to make things better - if you take control of your own life it immediately makes you feel a lot happier, even if circumstances still aren't ideal.


JamCrackers · 10/05/2021 08:02

I changed careers. I had to retrain and I was broke and it was hard with small children. But SO glad I did it.

I also completely gave up alcohol. I’d started drinking too much and knew I needed to get a grip on it. I wasn’t expecting sobriety to be so much fun and so rewarding, though! Totally changed my energy levels and motivation, the people I hang out with and my outlook on life.


thepeopleversuswork · 10/05/2021 08:05

I kicked my husband out if that counts. Best thing I ever did.

Not as difficult for me as it is for some women but it was a big thing at the time and scary.

What exactly are the bad choices you have made? What are you looking to change?


tonyharrisonboosh · 10/05/2021 08:09

I could have written this thread, so I completely understand how you must feel.

There are some really good bits of advice from other posters so hope you feel a little more encouraged.

I am desperate to retrain as a counsellor and have already taken one course. Sadly, due to having to work full time I can't see how I'm going to take any further courses as they require me to go to university and you can't really do distance learning with counselling. I will keep hoping though x

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