AIBU - so affected by Family IL's opinions

[Carrotcakefiend]

DH and I have a great relationship, great life. He's close with his family which I think is great in theory. But, they - esp. his father - seem to constantly try to share their opinions on our relationship/life with us. The most recent: we've been considering having a dog... A big decision and one we're not taking lightly. DH is allergic to cats, but not dogs. DIL decided to lecture me about me wanting a dog, and implied I was being irresponsible when DH has allergies and they're all really worried about him. Implying 1. I'm not careful about it 2. It's solely my decision, forced on DH 3. it's any of his business.

But, now I just feel the whole idea is marked somehow by their disapproval. This isn't the first or only incident like this (others inc. my job, my family, one of my friends being a gay rights activist and openly gay, and what we'd name any future children). AIBU to let this get to me? And how do I stop?

@Badgerlock42

My sympathies, *@Voomster953*.

No flowers, that level or irritation requires

May I ask, have you ever just gone for it, & advised FiL to fuck right off?
(The cornering would be more than I could deal with ...)

I have previously told them to stop turning up unannounced, and especially to stop clambering over the fence and appearing at my fucking back windows. They at least have stopped doing that.

I have also once told him to back off, but I was slightly aided by a small amount of Dutch courage. Makes no difference to him though. He’s the sort of person that knows nothing but thinks he knows everything, and certainly more than a mere jumped up woman...

Thank you for the gin. I shall pour one all of us blighted by such FILs.

@Voomster953 yours are worse than mine! At least ours don't turn up uninvited... Although they are often "in the area" (they live an hour away). Also when they started viewing houses we were looking at and phoning to tell us why they hated them, I made it clear that wasn't helpful and banned DH from sending them any info at all. Of course they love the house we bought

@Monr0e I think we were both just so shocked. DH would never tell them where to stick it, although he wasn't at all happy. But it took a lot for him to admit they were the problem... He kept simply saying 'its not good' without saying what wasn't good or how he felt. I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say - DH is such a good partner and he also loves his family so much, I didn't want to make it worse by telling them to stuff it.

Thank you everyone for your replies, I will follow the tight lipped, no opinions, grey rock approach and see what happens. And avoid them when I can. And get a dog

Sorry @Carrotcakefiend I didn’t mean to hijack. He just drives me insane and I boil over sometimes. Yours sound absolutely dreadful. Homophobic and worried about your kids as you have a gay friend?! Jesus Christ. I’d not be able to speak to them after that.

I don’t tell mine anything anymore and my H is pretty good but occasionally let’s something slip, which opens the floodgates of negative opinions. I removed myself from the appalling family WhatsApp group which was me and our child being ignored, while by BIL and SIL’s children were constantly lauded. It was tedious.

And breathe.

(Sorry again for hijacking/venting)

@Voomster953 oh not at all... Let it out. We could start a support group