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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fat comments or being over sensitive ?

16 replies

Glitterzzz · 09/05/2021 12:32

Context - always been a yo-yo kind of weight person. Met DH 8 years ago and was around 16 stones, dropped to 14 stones fell pregnant went to 19.5 stones !! Had baby and lost 7 stone in 1 years and for the last 5 years have maintained or should I say bounced between 171 lbs at my lowest and 200 at my highest

Since we married 2 years ago I have put on 20lbs and it seems to be stuck. I’m trying though and am active and very very aware of my weight .

We went to the beach today for a quick walk with our little one and I bumped hips with him in a joke way and he said ‘ woah do that again it felt like a earthquake’ 😳😳😳😳

I said oh don’t make that comment I still weigh less than you do and he said yes but I’ve lost a lot of weight this year ( he has lost about 1 and half stone in 4 months due to job change and being active but he’s 5ft 6 and around 200lb so overweight ) I’m 5ft 7 and around 189lbs

I don’t feel confident or comfortable. Yes I’m smaller than when we first met and I lost a lot of weight after our son was born and have worked hard to keep the majority of that 7 stone off for 5 years but am I being over sensitive ? I brought it up in the car on way home the comment he said and he didn’t apologise or anything

OP posts:

Summersun2020 · 09/05/2021 12:34

Cheeky bastard. So you’re taller than him and lighter than him and he’s got the nerve to mention you bring over weight? Absolutely not on regardless, but the hypocrisy is astounding.

TidyDancer · 09/05/2021 12:35

That would've upset me, so if you're being over sensitive then so am I. It's hurtful and I would guess he knows it.

Has he done this kind of thing before?

Original poster

Glitterzzz · 09/05/2021 12:36

That’s why I said well I’m still smaller than you... I know deep down he’s smaller with a much higher BMI. Before he lost this bit of weight he was a good 30-35 lbs heavier than me ... maybe the weight loss is making him feel more confident and Braggy but hurtful to say to me when he’s bigger

OP posts:

TheGumption · 09/05/2021 12:38

What a dick! It's a hurtful thing to say but also really immature. Is he a 12 year old boy?!

InTheGreatGreenRoom · 09/05/2021 12:39

I'd be really upset if my dh said that. What you weigh is mostly irrelevant and if he really wants to talk to you about it eg he is concerned for health reasons he should be doing that sensitively and kindly. Can you emphasise to him again that he's hurt your feelings and please can he apologise. You wouldn't be ok if your friend said that to you and I think husbands and wives are supposed to be a team and not be hurtful otherwise what's the point. You're also not likely to be getting naked any time soon with someone who's making negative, confidence knocking comments about your body and he should remember that. He wouldn't like it if you were pointing out his perceived physical flaws and making jokes at his expense like that, it's not funny it's unkind and thoughtless.

ThatIsMyPotato · 09/05/2021 12:40

Is he 12?

CorianderBee · 09/05/2021 12:40

That's mean of him whether he's bigger than you or not. He was trying to hurt your feelings.

Strawberrysaxifrage · 09/05/2021 12:42

I struggle controlling my weight OP (neurological meds plus a fondness for wine and carbs) so applaud the progress you have made- 7 stone in a year is incredible- and fully understand weight is not really a joking matter when you're conscious of it.

However, it sounds to me like your husband is in the same boat if he also struggles with his weight, and is in fact more overweight than you are. So, I could be wrong if this is part of a pattern, but get the impression he was maybe saying it from a place of understanding but feeling comfortable to be irreverent on the topic of weight as you both understand what it's like to have to manage your weight, if that makes sense?

It doesnt found like a clear example of being pass agg, abusive, hinting or mean. He should have listened and apologised when you said you were hurt though, I know full well that jokes and jibes really do not help however they are meant.

Original poster

Glitterzzz · 09/05/2021 12:42

I’m glad I’m not being over sensitive . I just thought of all the things to say why would you say to your wife she felt like a Earth quake ? I’m tall 5ft 7 and wear size 14 clothes ... I know I’m carrying a little too much weight at the moment and not at my personal best but I don’t class myself as severely overweight

OP posts:

AlmostSummer21 · 09/05/2021 12:43

((hug))

I don't think you're being over sensitive. Whatever your weight/size is now, you were once quite overweight (I am so not being nasty) and he knows that. Especially as you yo-yo and work hard to stay at your current weight, he should have more sensitivity than to say things like that.

It doesn't matter if he weighs more or less than you, he shouldn't say things like that.

You could call him Mr Blobby, but I don't expect you do.

I know he didn't apologise, but what did he say when you talked to him about it in the car?

What's he usually like? In general & about your weight/body?

RiojaRose · 09/05/2021 12:49

I’m not easily offended, but I think it’s extremely rude to make any negative comments about anyone’s body - and especially about a partner. It’s one thing to have a discussion about health goals but casual rude remarks are not something I’d put up with.

Original poster

Glitterzzz · 09/05/2021 12:50

In the car he didn’t say anything ... he didn’t apologise he kind of just laughed it off. I think me feeling very uncomfortable at the moment is not helping . I don’t vocalise to him how much I’m not happy right now about my weight but he sees me out walking multiple times a week or say things like I’m cutting back. Either he views me as someone large to give a. Earthquake feeling or the recent weight loss is going to his head ( I’ve beeb vocal and praising his weight loss )

OP posts:

Liliolla · 09/05/2021 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlmostSummer21 · 09/05/2021 13:06

Given how much heavier you were before, I doubt he has a problem with your current size/weight. I think it's probably more to do with him feeling cocky as he's lost weight recently.

I think I would have (another) serious conversation with him about you being proud of him for starting to lose weight, msybe talk about what his goals are etc but also tell him that if he's got something serious to say about your size/weight then
to say it properly, but that you were hurt by his 'joke' and I wouldn't be able to resist a dig saying it was hypocritical saying YOU felt like an earthquake when he's heavier than
You and that you are living & supportive and don't pull that shit on him!

AlmostSummer21 · 09/05/2021 13:07

Wow that was quick. I didn't even see that post before it was deleted!!

Strawberrysaxifrage · 09/05/2021 13:34

Just spam with a link to some kind of sex website or another

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